I came across my "David Letterman's Book of Top Ten Lists!" , and its hytserical. I think I'll post a few:

Top 10 Signs PEOPLE magazine wont name you "The sexiest man alive"
10. You take a stroll and the local zoo is flooded with reports of an escaped orangutan
9. As you aproach the Charity Bazzar kissing booth, it mysteriously catches fire
8. Your not only the President of Hair-Club, your also a member
7. No action from your pickup line "I'll bet youve never seen jowls this baggy!"
6. Dictionary. "Doofus". Your picture
5. If it werent for getting your inseam measured, you'd have no sex-life at all.
4. Your asked to be Mr. September for the "Guys-Who-Are-Just-A-Load Calander
3. You wink at the barmaid, and she screams" Eeeah! It moved!"
2. People use photos of you as birth control
1. You were buried last Tuesday

Top 10 Signs You've Eaten Too Much
10. Hndreds of volunteers gather to stack sandbags around you.
9. Your're responsible for a slight but measurable shift in Earth's axis
8. Doctor tells you your weight would be normal for a 17 foot tall man
7. Every escalator you stp on immediately grinds to a halt
6. World's fattest man sends you a tellegram saying "Back Off!"
5. A button blows off your 501 Jeans and kills a guy
4. People leaving a showing of Free Willy, and say "Hey! You were great!"
3. Getting of your couch requires assistance from the fire department
2. It's several generations before your region recovers from shortage of dinner rolls
1. Your ears are oozing creamed corn

*chuckle*

Well, off to wath Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. I saw it in the theaters with Julia and Kayla. The last time I saw her before I moved...This movie brings back the good ole memories...

Take it easy,
The Colonel