My son Spyton was such a cute baby. Yeah, I know I'm biased. Here's one of my favorite baby pictures of him, shown with our cat Lillie (may she rest in peace) watching over him:
Such tiny little hands! ... but in the last few days I've been getting these jabs to wake me up to the fact that he is growing up. I will relate them here so you can share in my parental pain:

1. I mentioned to Spyton on Monday that several school districts were unable to bus their kids to school (but still had classes) because someone slashed the school bus tires, costing the school district thousands of dollars to replace the vandalized tires.

Spyton observed, "That's a really p*ssy thing to do. You know, if you want to be manly, you don't sneak around slashing tires. You go find the biggest guy in school and wrestle him while girls are watching."


2. While driving to school this morning we were having one of our little word games where one person says something and then the second person uses the first person's sentence and it goes back and forth. You'll get the idea:

ME: Boy, the wind sure blows. Look at the snow.
SPYTON: The snow blows.
ME: No, wind blows
SPYTON: Hurricane blows
ME: Air conditioner blows
SPYTON: Fan blows
ME: Joe Bloes
SPYTON: Monica Lewinsky blows.
ME: ...


3. Tonight we were walking through a parking lot where some plows had piled the snow about eight feet high.

Spyton looked at the great big snow mound and said wistfully, "That is a great snow pile. It would be so fun to play on that. I wish we had piles of snow like that at school."

I replied, "If you had snow pile like that, would you be able to play on it at school?"

Spyton scowled and said, "No, because it isn't cool to have fun anymore."


Today's Vocabulary Words and Life Lessons
1. Don't vandalize public property. Wrestle publicly instead!*
2. Don't mention Monica Lewinsky's hummers to your mother during word game time. Actually, just don't bring the subject up. Ever. Unless you have a bona fide medical question about it. Then it is okay. Even then, consider just Googling it.
3. Puberty sucks.


PS: For those of you wondering what Baby Spyton is reading there, it is the poem "Howl" by Allen Ginsberg. I guess we couldn't find The Very Hungry Caterpillar that day.


*j/k about the wrestling