While flying from Texas to Hawaii yesterday I noticed the signs for the bathroom were different. Lavatory on the left. LAVATORY on the right. Now why I wonder, would they be like that? Did the damn thing crash and they had to replace half of it? Not a comforting thought while flying over the big blue wet thing. So now I’m in Hawaii, it’s raining. But, this place is gorgeous! Haven’t seen a lot of it yet, but can’t wait to. Why I’m here still eludes me though. Yes the Navy sent me here, but why. I’m checking in this week, then I’ll be in holding for a while before I start my real job. I live on one base and work on the other with no means of getting between the two for a month until my car arrives. This base doesn’t have shit for facilities. No commissary, no exchange, no galley!! All they have is a tiny mini-mart that I’ll be living out of for the next month. Once my car gets here then I can go get some real groceries. Now to the meat of the journal, the reason you’re all reading this.

When I went to both boot camp and A-school, the first few weeks sucked. I didn’t know what I was doing, what was expected of me, I was limited to whatever was within walking distance. I was depressed, scared, and alone. I felt abandoned and stranded. Well now that I’m here, I’m going through the exact same fucking thing! It sucks! I doesn’t help that I’m a negative person to begin with, or that I really do have a lot to get done, but my mind just makes everything worse. So I’m trying to tell myself that in a few weeks I’ll have gotten into the jist of things, and life will be good. But I can’t seem to do that. Instead, I keep getting myself more depressed. I hate me.