Hello. I think I'm going to start writing journal's on how to take care of your money based on personal experiences. I hope this isn't against bank terms, but I'm not mentioning any names, so...away we go.

Today's tip is about keeping track of writing checks. It is a good idea to keep track of how much you're spending when you're writing checks, but even more important is keeping up with check numbers. Some banks can give you temporary checks when you first open your account so you can immediately start taking advantage of your new account. Now, a smart person will give you a different run of numbers for these checks than the checks you'll get in the mail, but sometimes, we bank employees, being people as well, forget to do this.

Here is where the fun begins. If you should lose those temporary checks we gave you and tell us to put a stop payment on them, we will. And when you get your check book that has those same numbers that the temp ones had, do NOT write checks with the numbers that a stop payment was put on. They WILL come back and we WILL NOT pay them, and if you do, YOU will be responsible for all fees. Do you know what a significant number is? It's okay if you don't; I know it takes a certain level of dedication and perseverance to reach 11th or 12th grade. I'll explain what I mean by this. These temporary checks will sometimes print out as check number "000100." This is no different than another check that is numbered "100," especially to a computer. If you put a stop payment on check number 100, then it doesn't matter if the check is 000100 or 100, it's not going to be paid. And if you're not smart enough to realize there is no difference, then you don't need to be in control of money. Not yours. Not mine. Not the homeless bum on the corner. If you purposely write a check that has a stop payment on it, then you deserve what's coming to you. And when the company you're disputing with calls me to get the low-down on what's happening, I'm going to tell them that it is your fault you wrote a bad check and that you are responsible for all fees. Oh, what's that, you closed your account too? Aw, that doesn't hurt us. How do you think you're going to look to that company now? Writing bad checks then closing the account. Yeah. Real smart there, skippy.

People seriously need to think a little farther than the end of their stubby noses for their own good. If you don't want to though, that's fine. I need something to laugh at to keep me going through the day. I mean, Tom Cruise being banned from filming a movie on German military bases because he's a mindless Scientologist is funny, but not as funny as what happens in front of me sometimes. I hope you have a nice day!

Oh, and for the love of God, TAKE A SHOWER MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK (ONCE EVERY OTHER DAY IN THE SUMMER) AND BUTTON UP YOUR FREAKING SHIRT. BEER BELLIES AND GREY CHEST HAIR IS FRICKING SICKENING. MORE SO THAN THE ODOR EMINATING FROM YOUR WORTHLESS BODY.