The Man


At last a smart guy has taken the time to write this all down.
Finally, the guys' side is well-documented.



We always hear
'rules'
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side:



Please note: ALL are numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!



1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports are like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one! Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! HINTS DO NOT WORK! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question - even yours.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and Void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have NO idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. The male animal does that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we WILL act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle to go any further.



1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sports, body types or body functions.



1. Never ask us about principles, goals or plans unless you are willing to discuss the full meaning of "help meet" and the daily meaning of your vow to "love, honor and obey".
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, always expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere together, absolutely anything you wear is fine... really!


1. You have too many clothes.


1. You have way too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this, dear. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight - but did you know that men really don't mind that? It's kinda' like camping out.



Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh.