Yet Another Heath Ledger Journal.

Yeah, even those of us who don't follow celebrity gossip are talking about this at work and at home. My husband typically doesn't give a rat's ass about actors/actresses/singers/whatevers, but when I told him Heath Ledger had died, he was about as shocked as I was. He asked if it was an accident (like car, stunt, plane, etc) and was seriously stunned when I said no. We both liked the guy's movies, especially A Knight's Tale (shut up, it was an awesomely FUN movie and that's why I like movies) and are looking forward to him as the Joker.

I'm a frequent flier over at Fark (I'm a totalfarker - bugdog) and I shouldn't have been surprised by the number of people who jumped on the illegal drug OD theme. The thought crossed my mind, but it didn't stick due to some of what I read about when he was in Candy. He wasn't into the young Hollywood scene and AFIK didn't even drink. He certainly wasn't shooting up heroin.

Then I though suicide. But why? Because he broke up with his fiancee? I would hope he had people around to see the problem before it got that bad.

Then I read some more - he was having problems sleeping, partly due to the after effects of being the Joker (he said as much in an interview) and, no doubt, partly due to being sick as a dog (I've heard pnumonia and the flu - both of which are sucky as hell).

He did have a few legally prescribed drugs in his apartment. Generic valium was one of them. I believe I read that he also had Ambian. In another interview, he stated that one Ambian would put him to sleep for a couple of hours, but he'd wake up and have to take another.

What do I think happened? I think it was an accidental overdose. How does that happen? You can't sleep either because of coughing or because you can't shut your mind off.... or both. You take something - even something like Nyquil. It doesn't work. You move on to something else, say Ambian. A half an hour goes by and it's still not working. You're still miserable and awake. You know you shouldn't take another Ambian, so you take a Valium (or two, because they're small). You might fall asleep at this point and wake up just fine in the morning. In fact, for most of us, that's what would happen. OR you wake up and find out it's been an hour. Your head might be fuzzy, you might not remember what you've taken. You take another Drug X. Fifteen minutes later, you're convinced you still can't sleep and don't remember you just took X. All this stuff clearly isn't working, so you double (or triple) up on your next drug of choice.

Why do I know this can happen? Because my husband did it twice about 10 years ago. He was taking Ativan for anxiety (same class as Valium), he was taking Vicodin for pain, and he was taking a super nasty drug called Tincture of Opium to slow down his guts (works great for diarrhea. He was having a really bad time with his Crohn's disease and flat out could not sleep. He went through this cycle once when I wasn't home of forgetting what he'd already taken and then taking it again. The second time, it was just Ativan (we think). We got really lucky and Eric just slept it off - he already had a super high tolerance to all narcotics by then, but it was a long time before I could leave him alone with out panicking if I couldn't reach him.

So I'm saying accidental OD - or some underlying health condition that was triggered by a near accidental OD.

Not that it's a damn bit of my business. Funny, had it been any of the current crop of media darlings, I would have said, "Hm," and carried on. No real shock there if Brittney or Paris keels over. Sad waste of humanity, but meh. Heath Ledger had real talent and potential and wasn't wasting it. He wasn't on the front page every damn day. He wasn't famous for being rich, thin and rich. I guess that's why it bothers me that so many people jumped to the illegal drug OD.

Anyway, just wanted to put that out there someplace. Carry on with your regularly scheduled program... and expect a happier journal here in a few.