Okay, I just had a horrible nightmare where I woke up screaming and crying. When I think back to it now (about 20 minutes later) for some reason it doesn't seem rational that I was so scared. But I want to put this down before I forget all the details and I type faster than I write.

It started off with me, my stepsisters, and my mom all sitting on my bed working on a craft together. One of my stepsisters in particular was really struggling with it, and even though I told her what she needed to do she repeated the same mistake over and over again and then would have an epiphany about what I'd said 100 times - it pissed me off, I was mad as hell at her.

Then she dared to steal my cigarettes and try to start smoking. I got so angry, I was enraged, I ripped the cigarettes out of her hand and then yelled at the top of my lungs, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TRYING TO SMOKE MY CIGARETTES?! ARE YOU STUPID?!"

Suddenly, her real mom comes barging into the room. She was a big woman with short blond spiky hair, and by big I mean strong looking and tall (not icky body builder strong though). She tore my stepsister out of the bed and dragged her into the adjoining room - my mom and I ran out after her (my other stepsister disappeared at this point).

We had lit candles in the adjoining room, it was the 'upstairs' of the split level house which had a balcony looking over the kitchen and entry way - it had the features of a living or family room. My stepsister got away from her mother, and I was feeling horrible and terrified at this point because I hadn't known before that the woman was a raging abusive drunk.

Suddenly she starts throwing lit candles. As fast as I can I'm blowing them out so my house doesn't light on fire, and in a terror I start screaming at her, "GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET OUT!" My mom who was on the floor to the left of me started yelling at her to leave also.

As she went down the stairs she was dropping lit matches, trying to burn down my house. This is the first place I've been able to live in after being homeless for six months (though in the dream my home looked like my Aunt and Uncle's, not like my actual one). It was becoming harder and harder to move it seemed, I chased after the matches, blowing them out or stomping on them.

My stepsister and mother disappeared from the dream here. I was telling the big woman to stop, asking her what the hell she was doing, "Are you trying to kill us?!" She was just muttering to herself incoherently and putting on her shoes, I tried to listen but I couldn't understand.

Suddenly she picked up the candle lighter and the area rug sitting in the entry way and started trying to light it on fire. I managed to kick away the rug and I grabbed the candle lighter by the barrel, immediately she turned it at me and pulled the trigger without pushing the child safety lock - she was spraying me with gas!

It was becoming harder to fight her, harder to move. She began beating me with the lighter, and then trying to get it to light so she could burn me alive. I was trying to scream for the only person who could help me but it was hard, finally I managed.

I woke up screaming "MOM!" in a broken voice, and I was just so shaken and so scared - that dream had felt so real. I hadn't wanted to die by being burned alive, I didn't want my home burned down, I didn't want to be homeless again. In that dream every small happiness I had was stripped away and it terrified me to the absolute core.

-sigh- Ugh...