RELIGIOUS JOURNAL. YARR BE WARNED

As of this moment I am approximately 13 minutes away from turning 18. I hopefully will spend the next 13 minutes talking of deep, theological discussions with you.

As I reflect on things that have transpired in my life since I was born, I can't help but regret the many, many mistakes I've made. And as always, I wish I'd made a different choice. The right choice. A lie here, a joke there, a stupid decision, they all make me what I am, and what I'll be. So, while I sit here, I want you to think about what you've done and what you'll be.

My father and I were sitting watching TV, and I don't remember what it was, but I turned to him and said "It would be very interesting if what we did completely defined what we are." It is true, to a degree. The Watching World watches you severely. Act right.

9 minutes now.

As I was saying, you are, and are not, what you do. The decisions you make define you, and also help un-define you. For example, when you say you surprised yourself, does that mean that something new was born into you making yo make that decision or was it you all along? Does it even matter?
Does what we do matter?

Those who know about me, know that I try to love God hard. Love people hard, love God hard is my motto, and I've tried. Loving God is like loving a rock. Sometimes it seems pointless, useless, fruitless. But when you know what the Rock can do, what it can bring you through, knowing the Rock never changes, knowing that just what you know about the Rock does not mean that that's all there is, your perspective changes. When your life is changed for the better, and it's because of something, you know you're on the right track. I can't stress how lovely and lonely a Christ-Filled life is. My old youth minister said "I wish I could place my heart in your chest so you know what my love for the Lord is. If I did that, you'd never give it back to me." I wish I could do the same. I cannot explain what my life is like, but I wish I could let you experience a love so profound and so deep that you would weep. I have. I am so secure and safe.

To win you have to lose, to be first you have to be last.

When you understand that, you'll know what my life is like.


2 minutes now.

If you're still here, good job. I hope my life changes. I've been a man for a while now, life changes you. Some early, some late, I'm an early bloomer baby.

Less then a minute now. My life up till now sucked, and the reason is because of me. I often turned away from God and did my own thing. Bad move on my part. I learned early that God had a plan for, and when I run away it doesn't turn out good for me. God has my perfect plan for me.

Boom. I turned 18.

As I was saying, when you know the meaning of being last and first, and losing and winning, then you'll know. I know to some of you, death may be the end. My death is but the beginning of my life. I wrote in my journal some time ago that whatever path God leads me on, it's the best one. I also wrote that even if that plan lead me straight to death, that it was still the best plan for me.

I'll leave on this note. When I turned my life to God, I became a different person, I hope that as I age, I will always be the person God has planned me to be. 1 year has passed for me, but I've grown more then I thought I would. Some good growth, some bad. But I grew. I challenge you to do the same.

If anything I said made any sense, or didn't let me know. Also, if there is anything I can pray for for you guys, just let me know. I love praying for my friends.

I love you guys, stay safe always. Thanks for being awesome.

Kalen Ortiz