Boy troubles really make me want to run away or turn gay...

Boy 1 I've been dating for a while now and I know the relationship is over. He made the comment that WHEN, not if but when, he asks me to marry him he hopes I'm not on my computer. I'm horrified by the idea of getting proposed to and having to say no. We fight too much for me to be happy, there's no spark left in what we used to have. I'm too mature and he's too immature, and I'm just starting to suffocate under the stress of wanting to make it work. Because he's perfect, he's amazing, he's attractive... but he's just not to a point where I can see myself being with him forever.

Boy 2 I had an immediate attraction to last summer when I first moved to Oregon. We shared a lot in the few months we associated, but we never got intimate. It was obvious that we shared a mutual attraction, but he was too slow and boy number 1 took me first. And so boy number 2 got jealous and told me he couldn't JUST be friend with me, and that was it... until four days ago. He's moving to Austin now and we hung out a little. He's talking about what all happened last summer in details. Telling me how he never knew he missed me so much, wanted to spend the night with me even though nothing would come out of it, seriously asking me to run away with him. And it's at the worst/best possible time because of my escapist issues with boy number one.

Boy 3 I have loved since the day I knew his name. I went through college with him, I went through mine and Eric's relationship as well as our break up with him. He helped me through the Keller mess, losing my house, dealing with my father's cocaine addiction... there just never has been a better guy in my life. And I need him, I need to be the only girl in his life... but I left him in LA. Now he has a new girlfriend and he just doesn't have ANY time for me. I'm at a point where I need his intuition and opinions so much. I need the love of his I had fro so long. I need all of him so much that I actually got him to break up with not one, but two of his girlfriends so he would be just mine. Just there for me. And if I could convince him to make it a third, I would run away with boy number 2 just because I'd be a hop, skip, and a jump away from him.

Boy 4 just came out of the blue after he broke up with a good friend of mine. His relationship ended, mine is ending, and we found refuge in each others company. Not to mention he's a hot Asian. But he's there for me now as a friend, a confidante, since boy number three has left me despite his promises. And it's comfortable to have someone to rant to when it's 3:30 in the morning. It's nice to have someone dorky enough to download RPG Maker with me so we can send the games we've made to each other. It's reassuring to see that as the days go by I'm getting higher and higher on his friends list. And the more we talk, the more obvious it is that he's falling for me...

I just don't know what to do, I don't know where to go, I don't know who to pick and it's making me a nervous wreck. But in an ideal world... If I still lived in LA, if I hadn't moved in with boy number 1 and gotten into debt, had I played my cards better and taken what I had rather than swoon over what I wanted, had I been smart enough to see who was there for me the whole time... I'd be with boy number three in an instant. But I've fucked that up and buried myself. I just need to figure out how to get out of it now.