I don't know how many people read this, nor do I know how many people care enough to do so. However, I'm slowly realizing that being hundreds of thousands of miles away from everyone and everything that you hold dear is excruciatingly painful. You don't know what goes on, you're out of the loop, and no matter how hard you try, to will never be back on par. Today I have learned of losses, of pain, of love, and of miracles, and no one had told me. I literally had to research it through emails and phone calls to get information straight. I'm already so far way physically, I don't want to be distant emotionally and mentally as well. I know that there is a lot that I personally can do to change that. Take Red vs Blue for example, I could be on here more. Talking, enjoying times. However, I don't. Why? I don't know. I've read peoples Journals, and things are revealed to me. Sorrow and happiness, pain and pleasure, problems and rewards. "Where was I?" is all I can muster in my brain. "What was I doing when all my friends, people I hold dear, are struggling, or celebrating, or just anything?" It makes me feel guilty, and horrible inside. A selfish waste of human being. I'm going to try and be on here more often. I'll try to stay connected to those whom I've grown attached to on Red vs Blue, and those I have met at RvBMN. Even if we don't meet again, I still want to stay in contact. In one form or another. I'm sorry I've been wayward. That I haven't been like a friend should be. I'm sorry that I never said anything during times of greatness, or gave you a friendly message when things looked bleak. I'm sorry everyone.