Many of you don't know my story but let's just say life hasn't been easy the past 10 years but it's been almost unbearable the past 3. I tried so desperately to make my marriage work. To give 99% expecting only 1% in return. In the hopes my wife would give 99% making me truly receive more than I could ever give. But I waited patiently for love to grow and for me to receive the respect I deserved as a soulmate, lover, friend, and husband. But sadly it never came and last week I informed my wife I no longer wished to continue in our marriage.

She didn't take it very well. She made promises ... But it was too late. My heart was already shattered into a mass of debris that can never be repaired by her. I'm at fault for never fully speaking up and saying "CHANGE YOUR WAYS OR I'M LEAVING" But if you love somebody ... No one needs to tell you to respect someone, love someone, help someone, touch someone, and make love to someone. If you don't know that already ... Then do you truly love that person? NO YOU DON'T AND I'LL DISAGREE WITH ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE ... THAT'S A PROMISE.

So basically we became roommates sharing the same house. I spent my life in the living room. That's where I slept. That's where I lived. I would point at the couch and actually utter the words "That's my home right there." I got bitter about being left to wither while I did everything for her and my beautiful children. I cleaned, worked 60 hours a week, cooked every meal, cleaned every dish, and I did it for one reason. Because it's what I did to make this marriage special. But I waited and waited for the same respect and honor to be returned and it never came. It broke my heart. I thought of the vows we took to love honor and cherish and I can honestly say I was and I still am a man who delivered on everything asked of me. No questions asked.

So as life took its toll, my mind started to slip away. I knew what I had to offer mentally and physically. I knew what I was more than capable of doing on both levels. But she pushed me away on those 2 things. Accepting my caring and willingness to do everything while all the time being a stay at home mom (Her decision not mine). I don't give a shit if this offends or not, but I'm 43 years old and I'm still a man who knows what desire feels like. When your wife only wants to have relations 3 times in 2 years then something is wrong. That's what I endured on top of everything else and even though I know it is her right to decide if she wants to or not. If you are in love ... I guarantee you, you want it more often than that. For me it would be 3 times a day; but apparently what I want in one day is what she wanted in 2 years. I know that's TMI but I don't care. This is my journal and I need to talk to the world about this shit.

So almost 3 months ago I start talking to an old friend from high school. Wrong or right, it doesn't matter. I needed someone to talk to and she was there to listen. I listened to her story of life as well. The more we talked the more the cylinders kept firing as the similarities in our likes and dislikes popped up. She teaches Calculus and is finishing her Masters Degree in Business Administration (Graduating in August of this year). As each day passed I realized as I spoke to her more and more that she was the missing portion of my heart. She was truly the one person on this planet who understood my mind and fueled my passion. Like it or not ... It happened. Would it have happened had I had any sort of love, true love, or respect at home that I had rightfully earned? Absolutely not. But life works in mysterious ways.

So last week as I said I informed my wife that I couldn't do it anymore. I talked to my kids and it was so sad to hear them say what I had hoped they hadn't already learned about their mom and me. But they saw all that I did over the years and the witnessed all that their mom didn't do. Both of my kids weren't upset. They said "It's about time you did something to make yourself happy." And I cried ... Because my children have witnessed this and I've done them such a great disservice as a father for them to learn what marriage is about through watching me do all and get nothing in return. So I left; vowing in my mind to do what I had to do to help them all survive. Knowing that the children would choose living with me. Why? Because my wife was supposedly homeschooling the kids. But she was actually forging their work and letting them do nothing all day. The kids finally told me and were begging to get out of this house. How sad can it get? Then my daughter tells me that most days she'd have nothing to eat until I got home and made dinner. Then I was hurt and angry. My wife was a stay at home mom, in a beautiful 2400 square foot David Weekly home. With 2 beautiful children. With a husband that would move heaven and earth for her. And she threw it all away ... Why? I'll never know the real answer.

So on Saturday March 28th at 9:00 AM with my two kids in the house alone with her. My wife swallows 200 prescription pills in an attempt to take her own life. With my fucking kids there! She was rushed to the hospital and is now in a psychiatric facility receiving the treatment she needs. But what she'll never have again is custody of my children. What my wife did is inexcusable and selfish. She took the pain she caused me in our marriage that made me walk out the door and turned this whole thing into a matter about herself. Just like it always was ... ABOUT HER.

Let me finish by saying this. I love Deanne more than I knew I could love anyone. I'm finally happy the way I deserve to be because I'm truly a fucking good guy. It's my intention to build a long life with the woman who has made all of my dreams come true in such a short time. We've already discussed football season and since she attended UT, she's a lady YOU WILL ALL MEET this football season as we attend every single game together.