You may not want to read this. It's basically just a description of why I'm more stressed out than I have ever been in eighteen years.

Here's a journal entry. I don't really write many of these. So I've been working about 50 hours a week at Domino's as a delivery driver. It's extremely stressful, and my bosses are a complete prick and half a prick. They're both completely unapproachable, any question or suggestion can either be met with yelling, banging on desks or walls, slamming doors, or just being completely ignored until you keep repeating yourself so when they finally choose to respond to you, it's "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" Like what the fuck? You're my boss. It's my first month. My training was absolutely horrible so I don't know half of what I'm supposed to do, and whenever I do something wrong or forget to do something that I wasn't taught to do in the first place, I get yelled at while being taught how to do it. $100+ a night in cash can't be beat though.

I don't know when I became such a fuck-up, but I can't go through a single day without a few minor mistakes and one disaster. Little mistakes like putting info stickers on the wrong pizza boxes, not cutting the vegetables right, putting stuff in the wrong place, and disasters like going to the delivery, forgetting my cell, not finding the address, and then having to drive all the way back to the store to ask them where the address is, slowing everyone down and getting the delivery there twice as late, and half the time, the customers call back after it's fifteen minutes late to get a discount, so that makes the bosses pissed at me.

I also went to a delivery, realized I forgot the debit machine, and sped away from the house to go get it, but I left the pizza on top of the car when I was rushing without realizing, and someone found it in the street and called the store. Fuck. The assistant manager said if the manager didn't laugh when he heard about that, I would've been fired in an instant.

I also lost a $1100-$2000 debit machine (no one knows how much they actually cost so they just say random huge figures to freak me out) and no one has heard back from that either. I went to all of my deliveries that day to see if I had left it anywhere, and nobody claimed to see it. It's possible that someone stole it from my car while I was working in the store, but it's not like anyone could use it. Where do you sell a debit machine? A pawn shop? And if I didn't feel like my job was constantly on the line, I wouldn't make any of these mistakes, but the bosses try to keep everyone completely stressed out so they'll do a better job, which doesn't work at all. Everyone's just tense, pissed, running around, bumping into shit, making mistakes because they're in an unnecessary rush, and once in a blue moon (yeah I said it) when things do happen to go right and we finish our work an hour ahead of time and there's nothing left for anyone to do, we get yelled at for just standing around.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I dread going to this job every day and I never get two days off in a row. It's always Monday and Thursday or some shit like that because 2/3 times, I'm working weekend nights, when all of my other friends are off of work. Not only am I spending 50 hours at the job, I'm spending two hours in the morning getting ready because I hate rushing in a half hour to get to a job I don't want to go to. I really take my time to exercise, shower, get dressed, eat a big breakfast, etc. so I'm charged and ready for the day, so it's more like 60 hours out of every week and the rest of that time is scheduled for three good friends who don't like hanging out with each other, so I have to hang out with them on all different nights, and a few others who can stand each other's company, my mom twice a week, babysitting my little sister, my grandmother once a week, and practicing guitar and piano whenever I have an hour or two to myself.

I'm completely falling behind on my practice for guitar. I feel like I haven't improved at all in over a month, and this job has cost me three pre-paid $30 lessons because they needed me to stay on and threatened to fire me if I walked out for a guitar lesson, which they don't realize is my way of getting into university in a year, and they also refused to pay for them too, so fuck that, too.

Is all this enough of a reason to get a shrink?