Back for a while but not sure how long, FF.com is a cruel mistress, soon as I think I am done with it I find another story that I just cant stand to not read. Recently found one that is 300,000+ words! If I was one for dramatic physical actions I might have drooled a little, as it is I only was just able to stop reading (discovered the author a couple hours ago, not sure how long, havent looked at clock in a while).


But I havent been doing nothing but reading fanfiction all these weeks.

I have tried practicing my concentration by focusing on something and ignoring everything else like muscle twitches from trying not to move, but still noticing them (This is slightly scary considering that a few hours ago I was doing this and stopped breathing for I dont know how long since I was focusing on my breathing, all I know is I didnt notice when I stopped breathing, only that I had stopped.)

Ive been told that this is actually (not the breathing thing) what meditation is and not what I have been doing for almost a year now which was focus on my breathing and shut down every thought in my head. I read somewhere that this is actually VERY, VERY bad for me, but im already slightly insane anyways so I dont see any reason in stopping. Actually has come in very handy since ive gotten really good at...hard to describe...call it 'crushing' a thought in my head that I dont like. Im very excited about this because until recently I couldnt do it and the only way for me to clear my mind without stopping to 'meditate' was to jerk my head to the left. (Something I trained my head to do when I started playing around 'up there') But now I dont even have to do that.

All this mind play has seemed to be having some benefits besides being extremely relaxing, the other day I memorized a 5 paragraph speech in less than 5 hours, spoke it for my teacher with only 4 missed words, then 'crushed' it so I cant even remember the entire first paragraph now. I think it was well worth the effort because I can read my book in peace for the next whole week while the rest of the class silently works on that. If only I had a new book to read or my printer wasnt out of toner. *sigh*


Well anyways, enough about me for now. Looking forward to all the alerts im going to get to read!