I am stuck in a rut, My physical, and mental performance is dropping fast, I cant sleep at night, I am losing most of my appetite, I constantly just want to slam a fifth of whiskey down, even during work! I cant focus anymore... I try to drown my pain with alcohol, video games, work and Physical Training, But it comes back and haunts me almost every waking moment, and even in my sleep. I try to ignore it with violent music to try and offset my distress, but it barely distracts from my issues... My one hope is gone, more problems arise constantly. I just want it all to be over with, But the torment will not stop. I cant even begin to imagine how to be in a festive mood for Christmas, I almost don;t want it to come this year. I dread it, being alone for yet another holiday... I am getting to the point where I cant stop myself from crying till I puke... I can't keep up with my peers anymore. I have lost myself to myself, it is cold, and bleak. Torchured by thoughts... constantly.. I cant even do anything right anymore, at all. work, PT, friends, I cant even fucking play video games for shit anymore. I have nothing, I am reduced to nothing.