Well, it's that time of year for my update.

A lot of things have happened. First things, I am officially out of the military. That happened last October, and I am now enrolled at Full Sail University in Florida, more on that in a little bit.

I'm glad to be done with the military, there are many aspects of it that I really miss, and many that I'm glad to be severed from, but all in all, I am proud to have served this country.

On to Full Sail. I will be driving to Florida in the coming week or so and starting on May 29th. Since I'll be cutting through Texas, I may try to make my way to the RT Studios, see if I can cause mischief, and by that, I mean pictures of me with the crew. That would be awesome, seeming that I won't be able to go to RTX. What with school and all. I'm actually making mousepads that I will be giving to them if I make it up there. Just a simple gift (read: Bribe) to show that I love them and want to hang out for a short while before heading back on the road.

Anyway, I am to be studying Creative Writing for Entertainment. I always loved writing, and I know my grammar isn't great, and my spelling is attrociose horibel bad, but I really want to be a writer. I may do some graphic design stuff as well, but I don't know yet.

That all being said, I am having my twinge of negativity. I've never been an ambitious person. I've always adapted to whatever I was given and made the best of it. Now I just feel, like this whole college thing is a waste of my time. That nothing will come of it. I look at myself and how I write and I see no talent, no shreds of marketability. I can't help but think "What's the use, I'm never going to get anywhere." This was exactly how I felt when I graduated highschool, and partly why I went into the military. I see my sister, who's very successful and has all this ambition to be successful, and I look at myself. Someone who just doesn't care. Someone who would just settle. That's me, a settler. Sadly, this isn't Colonial America, and settlers aren't really in style.

I know what I have to do, and I know that I will do it. I just, for the life of me, can't stop thinking that it's pointless for me. I look at what I have done so far with my life, and it's boring. When I was in the military, I stayed in my barracks watching movies and playing video games. I missed so much awesome shit, and I feel like I'll do the same in Florida, because I did the same here in Arizona, and I did the same in California.

It's annoying, knowing that I need to change myself, but not doing it. Just, watching myself miss the fun shit. I lead a very lonely life, and I know the only person to blame is myself. I'm 23 and it feels like I'm having a mid-life crisis. The sad part is, I truly do feel like this is the half way point for me. Like, there is nothing after 40 for me. In truth, I'm sort of amazed I made it this far. I know this is just the ramblings of a naive young adult, but seriously. I've been half way across the globe, and what did I do there? Nothing that I couldn't have done here.

To make matters even more depressing, I don't have friends. No offense to all of you, but I mean friends in the sense of going to their house, watching movies. Going out to a bar or some thing. The closest friend I have is half way across the country, and even then. I don't talk to him nearly as much as I should.

I've learned that I am a huge hypocrite. I'm an extroverted introvert. I want to be with people, and when I am, I want to be alone. I'm happy to give people advice, but I seldom follow it myself. I would rather make others happy and suffer, then allow myself the chance of joy and have someone else suffer. I'm passive aggressive, but I'm argumentative. The list goes on and on. I have so many problems, I would be laying on a couch for a week trying to explain them all.

But that is life, I suppose.

- Hazerblade