Grocery Store Feet
A couple times a week a friend/coworker and I go to Starbucks to treat ourselves. Whenever we go, there's always this group of three or four doctors who are also there. One is my friend's lady part doctor, and another always wears his blue scrubs and has dark hair and a dark beard that sticks out in all directions. He's kinda cute, but he looks really intense and . . . well . . . a little mad scientisty.
We've seen them, they've seen us, for many, many months now, but we've never exchanged words (well, except when my friend's vajayjay doctor realized who she was and awkwardly said hello to her). Well, today, the one with the crazy ass beard strolled right up to me and engaged in a conversation like we had known each other forever.
Dr. Crazy Beard: "Do your feet get cold?"
Me: *totally use to this question, because I get it all the time, I answer nonchalantly:* "No. I actually wear flip-flops every day."
*he stares at me confused*
Me: "Like every day every day. Like the whole year long. And I have every color of the rainbow so that I can always match them to what I'm wearing. I wouldn't want to be a fashion faux pas."
Dr. Crazy Beard: "Right, no, I'm not questioning your obviously well put-together look. I'm just wondering... do you have grocery store feet?"
Me: "I don't have hobbit feet if that's what you're asking!"
Dr. Crazy Beard: "Well, yes, I can see that there's no fur on them."
Me: "That's because I shave it off."
Dr. Crazy Beard: *he perks up and really excited asks* "You shave your feet?!"
Me: "No. I was kidding."
Dr. Crazy Beard: *deflates a little* "Oh, okay. So you don't have grocery store feet?"
Me: "I don't know what that is."
Dr. Crazy Beard: "You don't know what grocery store feet is? Okay, so when I worked in the South people who wore flip-flops all the time would get really, really gnarly, yucky heels. They'd be all discolored and cracked. That's grocery store feet. I mean, I don't know, maybe it's a southern thing. I'm sure you could look it up on UrbanDictionary.com if you wanted to see pictures or something. But... do you have it?"
Me: "No. But, I do use bag balm to take care of my feet."
Dr. Crazy Beard: *again, perks up and excitedly asks:* "So you're into personal grooming?!"
Me: "Um . . . yeah . . . I mean . . . yeah."
Dr. Crazy Beard: "That's cool."
Yes. I suppose that is cool.
I should have asked him if he had grocery store face. Y'know, since his face can't breathe because there's a dead animal... I mean beard... growing on it. I always think of the good comebacks too late.
Anyway - true story!
And further proof that fact is better than fiction.