The Eurovision Song Contest is on tonight. As is traditional, all family members within a ten-mile radius will be gathered and placed before the holy picture box. We will then all proceed to complain loudly about it over the next three and a half hours. Bonus points will be awarded to the first person to point out that some places (e.g. Israel, the uninhabited bit of Russia (read: most of it), Azerbaijan, etc) are not part of either Europe, or the European Union.

This yearly ritual resonates quite well with the English side of my perpetual national identity crisis.

"We are the winners of Eurovision" LT United, We are the Winners, Eurovision entry for Lithuania (2006)

No worries!