So, historically I've been really shy, but I'm also very opinionated. If you are talking about an issue I find important, I might just overcome that shyness and speak my mind. And this is easier to do on the internet, (especially for shy people who have trouble deciding what to say, if its the right thing, the right moment) because since you can type things out before actually saying them, theoretically, you never have the problem of "think before you speak." Because, of course you thought it out. You typed it first. Right?
The thing is, I don't sugarcoat things, so sometimes I come across as a jerk when I'm honestly not meaning to. And sometimes I really am a jerk because it pisses me off when someone does or says something idiotic and acts like the whole world should understand, 'Yes I am idiot, and I am right in my idiocy! Internet hear me roar!'
In those moments, I sometimes lose my "filter". I don't think before I hit "submit", because it seems just a thought, not a conversation I'm having with a person. And then I might say something that I'll be stressing out over for the next few days because I hate conflict, and I'm terrified that I've started some. Especially since the little nuances of language - the tone of your voice, body language, sarcasm, are easily lost in the off hand typed comment. Did they understand how I meant that? What if they think I'm a crazy bitch now? What if I misunderstood what they said, and my comment now just seems like gibberish? Seriously, it's important. I have accidentally lost friends over this because of the nuances of language and the lack of a filter on my thoughts.
The internet has the interesting property of generally allowing people to say whatever they want without any real consequences, but I punish myself for my own responses to things i read, even when I don't post my responses. I'll type out a response to something, retype it 3 times trying to make it sound better, and then delete it after ten minutes of second guessing 'should i say anything?' and try to forget the post that caught my attention.
But I don't, and then I stress myself out and recede back into my shell - back into my fortress of solitude with just me, my cat, some angry music and fanfiction. But its lonely there. I like people. They're interesting. And I just want to speak my mind without anyone getting upset. I like thinking, and I like helping. I like people to be happy, and most of the time when I say something they don't want to hear its meant to be friendly advice. Either that or its just an idea, meant to be thought provoking, but not argument provoking. I'm not trying to prove a point. I'm just saying. Many times I'll say something and they won't even respond negatively, but I'm left wondering if they just don't want to argue, but they think I'm mean or crazy.
The problem I have is that most people don't think very hard about stuff, so when they have an opinion about something they've heard, it is usually an irrelevant one. That opinion is either formed with incomplete information or It is based purely on emotion, not logic, and if they actually tried or thought or cared about anything other than themselves they would see that. An emotion based opinion or reaction isn't a bad thing, but emotional opinions are best kept personal, and not argued like fact. That is my problem with the internet - people argue opinion like fact. Just because you have reasons to like or dislike something, doesn't mean they are relevant to anyone but you. That is why internet arguments start - people act like their own opinion is gospel, or just spout random nonsense that doesn't matter at all. It's just fluff. It upsets me that I would really like conversations, all conversations, to have real substance, but most people just want fluff.
So the point is, I find myself in a constant battle between speaking my mind and analyzing my own self and thoughts to the point of tears, because I know I can be a jerk sometimes but I don't want to - I don't want to be "that guy" on the internet and I'm afraid if I let myself out of my box of shyness to interact with will go badly.