I realized that my last journal was very anti-weather, and while I believe it was completely called for in the situation, I did actually make it to Rochester for that weekend, so that was nice. And I also decided that it was time to talk about something else, so I decided to lay out my feelings on a topic that I have been grappling with for a while: online dating. (sidenote: why do I remember everyone spelling it on-line, was that actually a thing or something I just made up in my head....)

I was about to start this rambling with the statement "I've only tried online dating a little bit" but then I realized that would be a blatant lie. While I like to believe I was only "that desperate" a few times, it reality I've actually done it quite a bit, and been semi-successful with it too.
Saying this right off the bat: in this discussion of dating websites, I am excluding RT because while this is online and there are people who date who met through here, in my mind it's not the same
While I did use J-date for a brief period (which the reasoning behind came from my mother: "If you're going to do online dating, might as well meet a nice Jewish boy") I predominately used okcupid (because free) and have deleted and remade my profile a whopping 3 times, since every time I actually ended up in a relationship I optimistically thought that I would not need the profile again and deleted it instead of merely suspending it, and because of this I kept losing my go to pseudonyms on the internet and most recently had to resort to sidecarpenny (which there is a story behind, but led a lot of people to ask "what's a sidecar penny? to which the answer is clearly "me").
sorry if this next paragraph seems unrelated to the one before, there was a connection in my head, I promise
I guess part of me typing this is that I'm trying to work through the stupid stigma that I feel encompasses online dating. I have had two marginally successful relationships from okcupid (and also now I realize I was the one who started both of those conversations) and I've been on some good dates from it too (and also some downright horrible ones, but that's a different issue). But whenever I try to tell a girlfriend about "that guy I went on a date with" and she asks me how I met him, I always feel embarrassed divulging that it was through some dating site. In fact, I outright lied to my mother about how I met some of them (I would eventually come clean) because I didn't know what she would think. And while the logical side of me knows that it's become a more accepted thing, but the louder side is still fairly reluctant to talk about it.
Right now, I'm taking a break from all of the online dating stuff, my account is suspended and I try not to think about it (which is clearly going well), because even though I'm not dating anyone right now, at the moment I don't want to put myself out there the way that having that online profile makes you do. And besides, something I realized while composing this long journal was that each time I recreated my online dating profile, I kind of got more cynical about it, I replied to less people (at the beginning I would replay to almost everyone) and also reached out to less. All around, I seemed to lose more and more interest each time around. And since I am absolute shit at meeting people in "real life" I am further solidifying my place as a spinster, a role which has been creeping up on me more and more as of late, but that is another story for another time.

So throwing questions into the abyss of the internet in the midst of my long ramblings: Do you agree there's still a stigma? Do you have your own online dating related things to share?

TL;DR: I ramble a lot about my opinions and experiences with online dating.

anigif_mobile_22a2a634b8c638bb9640b0c66c
Tim Curry, because why not?