Reposting this from my tumblr.

I woke up February second with the strong sense that I shouldn't even get out of bed. I should have trusted that instinct.

I went through my normal routine. I got dressed, made breakfast, read the updates on my favorite webcomics, and popped over to Roosterteeth's website. There was an entry from Burnie two days before explaining that Monty was in the hospital. I was upset, almost panicky. I checked the site several times, hoping for an update. He was fine. He was coming home today. I prayed, no, willed it to be so. Then, the worst. Matt's entry. Monty Oum has passed away. It was like someone punched me in the gut.

I have basically no experience coping with death.

In 27 years I've only lost one person that mattered to me even a little, and I've only been to a couple of funerals of distant relatives or friends of the family because I was obligated to. Mourning was a foreign concept to me, not because I wasn't ever sad, but it just seemed like a waste of time.

So, it's a strange sensation to experience now - this pure form of undiluted, uncomplicated, sadness. I don't know what to do with it, how to process it.

I cried. I got a headache. I drank. I got a headache. I tried to write a poem that came out a barely intelligible scribble of consciousness.

I got out my prettiest coloring book and pencils, and I sang Disney songs ("Under the Sea specifically; it just popped into my head, like a subconscious reaction. I don't even like the little mermaid, but it's a happy song), and then I felt a bit better.

My husband took me out to the ramen place down the street, and I ate a giant bowl of delicious noodle soup, some steamed rice, and mochi green tea ice cream. I felt almost normal.

I went to sleep. I woke up. I told myself I was alright, and that I was going to keep it together. I made an attempt at a normal routine. And then I got on tumblr, because I couldn't stay away; I knew I would find you here. Mourning, but mostly Celebrating the life of a magnificent human being, whom I never even got to meet.

I keep my feelings here, and to myself, because my family might not understand the near constant stream of tears for someone I didn't actually know. They might think it strange or excessive. But we really did know him, didn't we? Even though most of us never met him in person, he was here, in our community, our family, constantly teaching us, inspiring us, encouraging us, making us laugh, building worlds for us to play in - to grow in.

He told us to Keep Moving Forward at a time in my life when that was exactly what I needed to hear. He reminded me that I don't have to be defined by what I haven't done with what I was given, but what I can still do all on my own.

So lets get up. Lets get going. We'll meet you there, Monty.



"We are never fighting alone. Get up, get going. I'll meet you there." - Monty Oum

"For it is in passing that we achieve immortality." Pyrrah Nikos, RWBY episode 6