10 years ago
RvB is the most pumped of all the sites. That's why when I'm not busy Governating the great state of California, I like to visit here from time to time. Lately, though, the amount of flab creeping into our forums here has troubled me greatly. Other members of the community, who also have large and powerful muscles, have shared these concerns. So together we formed a committee to explore this problem and perhaps create a campaign to combat it. There are too many whiny girlie men and weak and flabby postings. This most now stop. The time has come to get in shape.
Together the committee discussed fundamental areas that must be addressed. We put them together in list form, which Jengaship drafted. If you wish to be part of the campaign to make these forums stronger and more well-toned, then these are the steps that will start you on your way.
Red vs Blue, we will pump you up.
10 Steps to Getting Pumped (Or How Not to Be an Online Girlie Man)
1. Pump up your writing skills.
Pump up your grammar. Pump up your lexicon. Only girlie men with weak, flabby minds post horribly misspelled words and no punctuation. Run-ons are for charity, not for your sentences! Also, use letters! No numbers! Next time you even think of using "1337", do 1,337 push ups instead! This will give you definition in your fingertips and brain.
2. Pump up your pics!
Making a Maxim model your avatar only shows that you are a girlie man who will never be with one. Remember:
Safe for work,
Safe for school,
Safe to say you're moving cool!
It is not a poem! It is something to chant when you are working out. You know, so you can LOOK and THINK like someone who could attract one of the shapelies in real life, instead of posting p0rn in your flabby profile. Reps of this will give your reputation a six-pack.
3. Pump up your Mods!
Listen to the mods. Sure, their bands aren't as good as the bands you like, but they do enforce the rules that make life on the internet possible. And throw some karma their way time to time, to show that you're not some unappreciative girlie man. At their best, the mods SPOT for you when it's time to PUMP UP!
4. Pump up your imagination!
Be cool. Be hilarious. Don't be an idiot. And, if you can help it, don't be a swear bear. You are not an animal! Once your imagination is pumped up, doing reps for everything else will be easier.
5. Pump up your threads!
Do not start threads with the title "________ sucks" just because you do not like something that a lot of others do. Opinions are like muscles - everybody has them! Except (you know who). If you disagree with someone's flabby posts, use your manly, pumped up argumentative muscles to crush the girlie man, not an equally flabby tactic like mod sniping. This goes especially for the Politics & Current Events forum. Your threads are like your exercise machines: WIPE THE SWEAT OFF WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED. No one wants the rash of a girlie man.
6. Pump up your brain muscle!
There is no sense in looking like a total ninny. Read the FAQs before posting. If you're going to post somewhere, maybe do some research if you're not certain about something. Ask the sexy, pumped up Mods, or anyone on this council. I assure you, attractive people will start feeling all the sexy, defined wrinkles in your brain muscle.
Use the search function wisely. You will avoid appearing as the girlie men often do: flabby and repetitive, when you make your threads. Websurfing works out your arms and chest when you do it properly.
7. Be pumped up enough to admit when you are wrong.
Nobody likes a girlie man who cannot admit a mistake or that their arguments are weak and flabby. Be secure in your pumptitude enough to know that one bad argument does not make you flabby. But don't make a habit of it. Use this momentary insignificant shaming to re-evaluate your positions so that you can come back more pumped than ever.
8. Pump up your friends!
Pumped up people naturally attract one another. The more Governator works out his biceps, for instance, the more Jengaship works his. Award them with manly man/womanly woman mod points for being awesome. Don't let them fall into Governator's swear bear traps. There's only so much pumping up you can do on your own, after all. Also, ModWhoring is for the weak.
This is like getting pectoral implants - your "six-pack" may fool other girlie men, but anybody who knows will think even less of you. Get pumped!
9. Pump up your standards!
There are more than enough weak, flabby trends out there. Like that ridiculous "tag" game for instance. Keep a sharp eye and a sexy brain out for stupid chain letters and forwards. Chances are, if you think it's kinda stupid (not silly or weird, but just plain DUMB), it probably is. Increasing your standards is increasing the weight when you pump up. The higher your standards, the more PUMPED UP you'll get. And enforcing those standards are like reps. The more you enforce, the more definition you'll have!
10. Pump up Red Vs Blue!
Clearly, we are all in admiration of Burnie's biceps, Gus' Glutes, Matt's Muscles, Salda?a's sides, Joel's Shapely Legs, Gfunk's Pecs, Kat's Abs, et cetera. Spread the word out to the flabby, uninformed masses, but be sure not to appear a puny idiot in doing so.
It's up to you to take your vitamins!
Now that you have gotten your start, you can also help the campaign.
Spread the word, hold people accountable,
and if you see someone acting like a girlie man, send them here.
Together we will pump them up.