Recently I've been reading Tatami Galaxy (四畳半神話大系; Yojohan Shinwa Taikei) by Tomihiko Morimi. I was hooked from the first page, and I've been enjoying it quite a bit. I haven't translated anything in quite awhile, so I thought it'd be fun to do a bit here. If you can read both, tell me what you think of it! This is from early on (pages two and three) but I found it really funny the first time I read it, so here you go.
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Original text:

人の恋路を邪魔するものは馬に蹴られて死んでしまう運命にあるというので、私は大学の寥々たる北の果てにある馬術部の馬場には近づかないことにしていた。私が馬場に近づけば、猛り狂った荒馬たちが柵を越えて襲いかかって来て、よってたかって私を踏みつぶし、すき焼きの具にもならない汚い肉片に変えてしまったことであろう。同様の理由によって、私は京都府警平安騎馬隊をひどく恐れた。


なぜ私が馬を恐れたかと言えば、私は知らない人も知っているほどに悪名高い、恋ノ邪魔者であったからである。私は死神のいでたちをした黒いキューピッドであり、恋の矢のかわりにマサカリを振るって、赤外線センサーのように張り巡らされた運命の赤い糸を、切って切って切りまくった。その所業のために、若き男女が大盥六つ分の苦い涙を流したという。


It's said that those who interfere with people's romances are fated to be kicked to death by horses, so I made sure not to go anywhere near the equestrain club's riding grounds on the desolate northern of end of the university. If I had, it's likely that those rampaging horses would've rushed and jumped the fence, surrounded me, and kicked me to death so violently that the dirty chunks of meat left behind wouldn't even be suitable for making sukiyaki. I was deathly afraid of Kyoto's mounted police for the same reason.


As for why I was so afraid of horses, that would be because I was notorious, even among those who didn't even know me, as someone who interfered with love. I was a cupid in Reaper's robes; weilding an ax instead of arrows, like some sort of infrared sensor I cut, snipped and severed the red threads of fate stretched between couples. Thanks to my work, the young men and women of kyoto cried six tubs worth of bitter tears.


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I paraphrased a bit more than I tend to like, but I feel like it does a good job of getting the feeling across. As far as I know, the book hasn't been translated into English (at least not officially), but it was turned into an anime at some point. I haven't seen it, so I don't know if it's any good or how accurate an adaptation it is, but I've heard lots of good things about it.