It seems like my depression is getting worse lately. I frequently find myself awake at night worrying about valid issues and dumb made up issues alike. I frequently have borderline panic attacks laying in bed trying to sleep because my brain races a mile a minute wondering if my friends actually like me or if everyone just sort of tolerates me.
It stems from me losing my job in a pretty backhanded manner. I didn't even know I had lost my job until I got a notice from my insurance saying it was cancelled due to termination of employment. I immediately set out looking for work but it's been to no avail so far. I had to set up a gofundme as I have a disabled mother and little sister to keep a roof over and it was my last option. It's been about a month since that was set up and I've noticed a decline in contact from some friends and collegues at a small company I volunteer for. I know we're all busy but I very frequently get no replies when trying to talk to people I value and it's just kind of messing with me. I honestly think some of them have me muted on social media. I'm probably just seeing stuff and making connections that aren't really true, but I don't know. This whole situation is wearing me thin and I can barely even sleep any more. Stress eating is getting out of control. Good times.
I'm sorry I just kind of needed to vent.