Respect is fragile. It takes years to build and seconds to break. When you are young, the currency of respect doesn't have the exchange rate that it does the older you get. When you are young, you are expected to be brash and risky and you have many other social currencies. The older you get the more important respect is and if you value it you aren't so cavalier about destroying that respect.  I think about this a lot. I worry someday that I'm going to say or do something to completely erase the credibility and respect that I've earned.  This singularity isn't specific. It's a dark shadow of a constant threat of my life, both publicly and professionally. It's a constant anxiety waiting for the unknown other shoe to drop. It can get exhausting.