I should really apologize because I left some people hanging without any explanation. I've been struggling with something since the age of 14. I don't think I've ever talked about it publicly on this site, and that was intentional. It has been my life, but this was an escape. After lots of therapy it looked like I had basically beaten it and wouldn't have to worry about it disabling me anymore. It came back in 2015. Literally worse than I had thought possible. I've been dealing with it ever since. Losing. It looks like I'm now at the end of the road and the outlook is bad. So I won't be finishing anything that I left off, and I'm  probably going to be incapable of posting much longer, so I don't want to spend my time this way.