As you all can see, I have been kinda silent on the site. This was totally not intentional and has very little to do with the new site or direction of the community or anything like that.
It was all really because I got a job.
I got a job that I am quitting and my last day is this Friday.
The job that I had was pretty neat. I was working for a company called Lionbridge. I worked on the Mcirosoft campus in Studio A - right there in the thick of Xbox and Mixer. This campus is terrific! As a vendor (work at Microsoft but not a Microsoft employee), I still had many amenities to utilize. Microsoft treats its friends well. Working as a tester was pretty cool. I did not have to take work home with me. My company is stingy with the overtime, so you leave at the end of your 8 hour shift no matter what. The pay was shit, but that seems almost universal these days.
What was supremely screwing me over was the commute. Y'all know that i don't drive. I hate driving. I made this decision when I was 18. I'm 39 now. This was not a "you'll grow out off this" kind of thing. I really, REALLY hate driving. So my commute by bus was...challenging. It's easy for me to get to my house to Microsoft because there is ALWAYS a bus. However, most bus routes are not express. There are many stops and winding routes.There is massive benefits to this UNLESS you're me and have to get somewhere other than downtown Seattle. My commute time was 2 hours each way. This means that 4 hours (on most days, 3 hours) of my day was spent on buses. This also means that my evenings were reduced to maybe 2 to 3 hours of wind-down time...that was pretty much making dinner, eating dinner, cleaning up after dinner, annnnnnd then to bed.
No streaming. No RTX chores. No project time. Nothing but work, eat, and - God willing - sleep. Total bummer, my dudes.
The whole reason I took this job was because I was feeling lost. I was home alone all day and, like a puppy, would get all excited when people came home and I would want to play...but everyone was exhausted from their exhausting jobs. Totally reasonable, right? You would think I would have accepted that! But noooOoooOOoooOOooOO. I was super lonely and everyone around me was super tired. I felt left out of work-related conversations leading me to feel like I was less-than or a the only child/inexperience human being in the room. It got to me big time. So, I needed out of the house. I needed a job. I wanted to contribute somehow.
When I landed the job, I thought this would be what I needed...and it totally was! The job and new schedule was perfect until it was time to start working on RTX. I went form working on RTX everyday down to a pathetic 2 hours a week. My sleep schedule became STRICT. If my ass was not in bed by 9pm, I'd be fucked the next day. If I caught a bus anytime after 6am, my commute would increase because of traffic and I'd be fucked. I had no leeway. I mentioned how short my evenings had become. This also screwed with our eating habits. We started eating out a hell of a lot more. We're not fast food people, but teriyaki and Qdoba became a weekly staple and that's not the best choices. DELICIOUS choices, but not the most health-centric of choices. Also - $12 an hour is just silly. It covered the cost of our increased eating out. Realizing that I had zero time for RTX and game streaming, I began to rethink my values. Any day that i had to call in sick from work, I would stay home and clean. My God, I love a clean house. Why was I not into cleaning when I had all that unemployed free time? It finally hit me after Christmas:
I GOT MONKEY-PAWED.
I don't need to be included in the big kids' work discussions. It was all bitching and moaning about work! I don't need to contribute financially to the household because we are extremely fortunate. I don't need a paying job to feel cosmically validated. I'm proud of my RTX work! I LOVE game streaming! The house doesn't have to look like it does because DECLUTTERING AND CLEANING IS TERRIFIC THERAPY. And 4 hours to commute for anything less than $25 an hour is pretty fucking terrible. PLUS, I haven't sen my parents since Christmas and that sucks 31 flavors of garbage.
So, I put in my resignation.
I can get back to focusing on RTX. I can stream again. I can do things to my website that I haven't touched in MONTHS. I can clean my house!
*INSERT GUARDIAN STUFF HERE*
I need to tell you all something very important - @mrarcys is a god damn life saver. 85% of all RTX Guardian centric stuff happening right now is by his magical hands. He is building our new internet space and responding to emails and being on top of everything. Thank you so much, Dan. <3 Our Discord mod team is knocking it out of the park, our information team is rocking it on a daily basis working on our new information spaces, and our team leads are keeping me positive. Our Guardians have been so patient and I cannot tell you all how much I appreciate that. The best thing about all of this is that there has been no groundbreaking RTX news to pass on to Guardians yet, so the slowness is to our advantage! I am filled with so much love and appreciation for you all right now. We're getting on track. Teams are being assigned. Stuff's happening!
Also - @sirNARVY is my everything. He has been extremely supportive in all of this. <3
Anyhoo - there it is. I went from "I hate being stuck at home!!!" to a pendulum swing of "I long to be a chubby housewife again!"
I'm going to be very happy with this decision. I have great things planned. :)
TL;DR - Being an adult is hard. That's not hyperbole. Goals change. Life changes. And when you get to make those changes by choice, it's not too bad. You're identity is not the money you make. And having a life partner and fantastic friends who support you is pretty fucking amazing.