Become the next "Slipknot" *

Slipknot: God I'm boiling in this god-damn mask!
"It's like a scary version of Kiss" - Slipknot are THE noise of the new millennium and what better way to celebrate by forming your own tribute band. Don't put too much effort into it as by following these easy steps world domination will be yours.

1) Wear frankly ridiculous masks that are far more attractive than your own features complimented with a contrived stage uniform. Choose boiler suits - they are cheap and require minimum effort.

2) Recruit as many friends as your have - nine should do. In case you fall short, grab unsuspecting victims off the street. And of course, musical ability is inessential.

3) It doesn't matter if you can't play guitar, as the sound will be tinny and unrecognisable anyway. If you can't hear the bassist, all the better.

4) Don't forget to add annoying DJ scratching over the top of said noise. Why? Who cares! The kids will just love it?

5) Play the drums as if you are Animal from The Muppets, a sense of rhythm is not required.

6) Tape approximately four minutes of noise and give it a title. It doesn't matter if you cannot reproduce the noise onstage, as fans will be too overpowered by your "madcap" live show to realise.

7) Most important rule - get Ross Robinson to produce said noise. Why not jump on the bandwagon as everything Mr Robinson does is hailed as a masterpiece.

8) Swear constantly throughout interviews and state how F**KING INTENSE everything is (even if you're a nice homeboy really)

9) Make sure onstage entertainment is increased by getting band members to beat each other with some frozen cow heads, just for, you know, sheer delight.

10) Congratulations, you are now Slipknot!

* Mushroomhead were rumoured to have used these tips (or was it the other way round....!)