(Part 2)

With your help, I don’t see any reason why Bixty-Hollerville won’t be hosting the next Olympics. The only problem is this … We don’t want to wait (or bid) on any of the Olympics that are way down the road (Like the ones that are in 2016 or 2020). Primarily because we don’t think Steve will last that long before succumbing to his life threatening battle with Chronic Halitosis. We were hoping that with a few well placed bribes, and lots of hookers, we might sway the IOC into moving the 2008 games from China to Bixty-Hollerville. Think about it … Moving it from China won’t really be that big of a deal. You know how most of the world has their goods manufactured in China for cut-rate costs. My feeling is this … Due to the slave labor they employ; they won’t lose much money over the sudden change of venue. For example … They’ve already built 15 stadiums that will seat over 1.5 million people at once; they’ve also built 800 new hotels that will sleep 1 million people nightly; and finally, they’ve built their Olympic Village out of solid 24 carat gold. This whole project has taken them 6 years of 24/7/365 back-breaking construction. If my calculations for materials, time involved, and the cost of labor (at Chinese rates) are correct (and I don’t doubt they are because of my Radio Shack “SOLAR†Calculator), their total out of pocket cost at this time is somewhere in the neighborhood of $8.53. All we would need to do at this point is drop a ten dollar bill and a Dear John letter into an envelope to Beijing telling them the games are moving and they can keep the additional $1.47 in change, for building a new 1000 room mansion for their reigning dictator.

Now with that hurdle cleared. (FYI â€" I’ve always wanted to use that “Hurdle†saying, even though I hate to admit that I have no idea what a “Hurdle†actually is. (I’m assuming it’s a rather large aquatic sea turtle (possibly with laser attached to its shell) since people constantly refer to the act of clearing one. Ever since I was a little boy, in my pink Sunday dresses, I dreamed that I would someday grow up and write a letter that contained this magical “Hurdle†phrase. You know … Now that I’ve actually used the phrase, and achieved my highest ambition in life, I can honestly say that it feels pretty hollow at this moment. In fact, I’d probably go jump off the roof right now, ending it all, if I hadn’t already started boiling the water for a yummy bowl of Ramen Noodles. But I must digress.) As I was saying, with that large aquatic sea turtle cleared (The turtle, of course, representing us “Stealing the Olympic Games from Chinaâ€Â) we can get down to some real 2008 Bixty-Hollerville Summer Olympic planning.

(Continued in Part 3)