With your help, I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t see any reason why Bixty-Hollerville wonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t be hosting the next Olympics. The only problem is this Ã¢â‚¬Â¦ We donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t want to wait (or bid) on any of the Olympics that are way down the road (Like the ones that are in 2016 or 2020). Primarily because we donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t think Steve will last that long before succumbing to his life threatening battle with Chronic Halitosis. We were hoping that with a few well placed bribes, and lots of hookers, we might sway the IOC into moving the 2008 games from China to Bixty-Hollerville. Think about it Ã¢â‚¬Â¦ Moving it from China wonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t really be that big of a deal. You know how most of the world has their goods manufactured in China for cut-rate costs. My feeling is this Ã¢â‚¬Â¦ Due to the slave labor they employ; they wonÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t lose much money over the sudden change of venue. For example Ã¢â‚¬Â¦ TheyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve already built 15 stadiums that will seat over 1.5 million people at once; theyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve also built 800 new hotels that will sleep 1 million people nightly; and finally, theyÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve built their Olympic Village out of solid 24 carat gold. This whole project has taken them 6 years of 24/7/365 back-breaking construction. If my calculations for materials, time involved, and the cost of labor (at Chinese rates) are correct (and I donÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t doubt they are because of my Radio Shack Ã¢â‚¬Å“SOLARÃ¢â‚¬Â Calculator), their total out of pocket cost at this time is somewhere in the neighborhood of $8.53. All we would need to do at this point is drop a ten dollar bill and a Dear John letter into an envelope to Beijing telling them the games are moving and they can keep the additional $1.47 in change, for building a new 1000 room mansion for their reigning dictator.
Now with that hurdle cleared. (FYI Ã¢â‚¬" IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve always wanted to use that Ã¢â‚¬Å“HurdleÃ¢â‚¬Â saying, even though I hate to admit that I have no idea what a Ã¢â‚¬Å“HurdleÃ¢â‚¬Â actually is. (IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m assuming itÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a rather large aquatic sea turtle (possibly with laser attached to its shell) since people constantly refer to the act of clearing one. Ever since I was a little boy, in my pink Sunday dresses, I dreamed that I would someday grow up and write a letter that contained this magical Ã¢â‚¬Å“HurdleÃ¢â‚¬Â phrase. You know Ã¢â‚¬Â¦ Now that IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢ve actually used the phrase, and achieved my highest ambition in life, I can honestly say that it feels pretty hollow at this moment. In fact, IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢d probably go jump off the roof right now, ending it all, if I hadnÃ¢â‚¬â„¢t already started boiling the water for a yummy bowl of Ramen Noodles. But I must digress.) As I was saying, with that large aquatic sea turtle cleared (The turtle, of course, representing us Ã¢â‚¬Å“Stealing the Olympic Games from ChinaÃ¢â‚¬Â) we can get down to some real 2008 Bixty-Hollerville Summer Olympic planning.
(Continued in Part 3)
13 years ago