do we only know how to deal with things when we're miserable? when push coms to shove and you have the option to make yourself happy or dwell on and in things and remain miserable the second is the most natural choice. when opportunity and chance of something new and possibly wonderful comes not only into your grasp but is basically hitting you over the head so hard that you are nearly unconscious and you still choose to dwell on the things that have hurt you and make not want to accept that there might actually be something with no strings attached. why is it that skepticism, doubt and apathy are the new dating tools instead of trust and love. why does our past cover our future in a layer of dirt instead of the future cleaning up the past i dont want to give up a possible great time with someone who genuinely cares but fear of actual genuineness pushes me away cause knowing how to deal with the fake and uncaring is much easier. why is letting go so hard? whay is letting go so hard when all you want to do is move on and let go? why is making myself happy at teh bottom of the list of importance? i've been viewing things for so long in shades of grey that i forgot what color looks like. when contemporary human art is all you look at, actualism is the form that looks odd. its hard to think anything contrary to your own beliefs especially the bad thoughts. for some reason those are the easiest to accept. when you firmly believe that "I am Jacks inflamed sence of rejection" how do you block out the past memories that prove that correct and make way for something different and warm.