Just wanted to be like everyone else and tell everyone...
Happy New Year!
Be safe! ^_^
10 years agoAramin
I rarely write here any more since I've been so busy... but I want to let everyone know that you're all in my thoughts constantly. Everyone on my friends list and others who I continually remember from school, past jobs and relationships...
There's no way I can forget those who have dramatically changed my life in some way or another. Every person... good and bad... alive and dead... friend or acquaintance... has in some way changed who I am to have brought me to the point I am at in my life.
I know I haven't and can't be there for people as much as I want to and I know that I'm not some superman who can help everyone. I have made many mistakes myself that have affected others and thus affected others (etc.) in negative ways. I can only hope that those mistakes may be forgiven at some point. Those of you who know my past know what I'm talking about. I led a very destructive way of life... not to myself but to others.
As only a few of you know, I've been growing and changing a lot lately. I know that I can't take back the things I say or the things that I do, but I do hope that those that I have affected can look at me some time in the future and realize that everything happens for a reason. Whether it is to give experience to them to handle a situation differently or to make them a stronger and to endure hardships better. I know that I have affected some people where these examples could be applied... I only wish I could tell them how sorry I am for putting them through so much pain and trouble.
Those of you who don't understand what I'm talking about please don't be alarmed or concerned. The things I speak about are things that I've held pent up inside of me because it was my burden that I had to carry... the burden of the world which is the burden of my personal actions. I was under so much stress that I failed to realize the path I was taking.
As many of you have noticed (or probably not) I've changed my profile and simplified it quite a bit. I find sites like myspace and RvB troublesome and I very much dislike them, however I know that I need to reach out and touch peoples' lives in a positive way from now on.
Those of you who know me, know that I'm Christian. I've been attending a school of sorts called Elohim academy that teaches people about the truths that most people fail to realize in their spiritual journey. My hope is to eventually share those with people seeking the truths that are in God's word and my hope is to bring light to those who live in darkness... not through my will but God's will.
Even though I'm human, I have strong faith that in due time I can become an even better person through living a life that reflects who I am... The real me, the one that is loving and kind like when I was a child. I used to be so loving, but that was dulled by my own actions and experiences over time and my love grew cold for my fellow human beings around me.
I can see how people lose hope and lose sight of their dreams and passions. I'm lucky I was able to find mine. I know that my past still haunts me and that there are some things I will never live down and some things that I probably will never atone for in my life here on earth. I can only hope that my work in the gospel will provide me a way to help others. Truly, this is what I want to do. To love and to help others. It's built into me and I can never express it the way I want to in a way that is "socially acceptable". Hugs? Forget it. Handshakes? Few and far between between friends.
My best friends know the loving side of me... At least I hope they do. It's been a while since I've seen them but I hope and pray that I may show them brotherly love, the love in my heart that shows that I greatly admire those around me for the qualities they choose to share with me.
Patience. Love. Understanding. Kindness. What has happened to those words in today's world? It's a sad thing to live in the darkness without the hope of the above words.
In writing this, I find myself saddened because I fear that many of you will not read this, especially since it is so long. But if you do, please keep in touch. Remember those who have touched your lives and please don't stand idle and do nothing but please share with them how you feel about what they've done in your life in a positive way. If someone bullied you, they made you stronger. If someone hated you, show them that you forgive them. If you view it negatively, then it only makes things worse.
Anyways... I just had to get a bunch of things off my chest and let people know how I feel.
If anyone is up to doing a bible study some time, please shoot me an email (message me if you want it) or give me a call or respond to my blog here.
Thanks everyone, for understanding and letting me vent a bit. I hope everyone is doing well.
Diligo Vestri Vicinus
Love Your Neighbor
11 years agoAramin
Whew been really busy lately... I have a new job, found a new and absolutely amazing church...
I play video games no more than about 20 hours a week now... I read forums and keep up with people but that's just about it... XD
For those of you who are curious, I work for a collection agency doing credit card collections (PAY YOUR BILL) and I go to a new church that has me going to church on Saturday (the true Sabbath). If you want to know more about what's going on just msg me ^_^
11 years agoAramin
I've lost the girlfriend that meant more to me than everything else. I was totally to blame for this and I've accepted that. The anger and sadness are gone, now all I feel is an empty feeling of lonliness.
I'll move on eventually... It's hard to forget the last 2+ years of sweet talk and emotional struggle to keep us together over such a large distance. I tried my best to make it work out... And I messed up big time and broke a taboo, and now I have to deal with it... alone.
She's a sweet girl and I know this hasn't been easy for her either. The way she broke up with me was much less desirable, but in her shoes, I may have done the same thing... I suppose.
Remember all you people. You don't know what you have until it's gone. Cherish it like you would your own life. Don't make the same mistake I did and become an ass-hole about things. Don't take anything for granted and enjoy every moment as if it was your last.
I don't know how much more I'll be on RvB so... I wish everyone the best.
Aramin aka Rich
11 years agoAramin
Alright, things are getting better now...
I had a long talk with my first ex.... (She's married and has kids and lives in AZ). We talked about a lot of things and I was able to get a lot of stuff off my chest... She is an amazing person and I'm glad she's doing well and being an awesome friend for me.
I was in a terrible mood before I started talking to her and then got into a worse mood... then after we chatted some more I felt a ton better. ^_^
Lately, it's been crazy busy at work and I've been pulling split and double shifts trying to pay to get my car fixed and save up for a place to stay after I move to AK. Things are rough, but they always get better!!!!
I seem to forget that every day when I wake up, I need to thank God that I'm even alive... it seems that I forget that the simplest things can be the most valuable...
*sigh* The only thing missing is being able to touch and see my love, Tamsenmc.... I miss you honey....
11 years agoAramin
Things haven't been going very well for me lately.
I was rear-ended in my car a few months back and I'm still in massage and chiropractic therapy for it. This coming weeks after I close my claim from the beginning of last year. Two weeks after that accident, some retard idiot in a mud truck hits my car in the parking lot in front of 5 witnesses and drives off and the cops weren't able to catch them. A day before I was going to go and bring it to the shop, I was on my way home and came out of the fog to find a deer in the middle of the road... I hit the ditch and did more damage to the back of the car...
My move to Alaska has at least been postponed, especially now that tamsen and I are not on very good terms... I think I've hurt her really bad by not following a promise I made to her my last visit in March. The distance is killing our relationship and there's nothing I can do about it immediately... My heart and head hurt, shadows of doubt now lay between each other and us and the future. Life can be so cruel.
Now I've lost the check to pay the people to get my car back and I have to go to the insurance company to get a new one before I go get my car. Then I have to pay for the repairs for my car... which total to about $638.00 out of my pocket book...
I have to move, but I'm not sure where I'm going to go now. Everything has been skewed like a deck of cards thrown into the air to lay where they have fallen. My life is a big game of 52 card pickup...
I'll try to write more journals, but I don't have many watchers any more. *shrug*
I guess I'll talk to you guys later.
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