from Toronto, Ontario, Canada

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    • Another story!

      13 years ago


      Now Playing - MANthem by The Bouncing Souls

      Well, thanks for the fun comments on what I truly feel is the greatest story ever told, or at least ever witnessed by me. To answer Lukie's question... was the poopie Shellached?

      Nobody knows, it's one of the mysteries of space and time that, like quantum mechanics, is best left to the experts. Sadly, since the evidence is long gone, I doubt we'll ever know... attempts to contact Chadwick have proved fruitless.

      So, my story today is about me. I may have told the story before, but I can't in all honesty recall, and I'm not reading through all those journals to remember. It has to do with my old nickname. Nober

      The summer after grade 5, my best buddy went to baseball camp for the summer. the captain of his team was named Barry, and his team was supposed to be (in that infinite wisdom of boys) Barry's Boners. Now, obviously, the counsellors said no dice, and a compromise was arranged, and the team became known as the Nobers.

      Now, at the time, I wasn't quite tall, but I was pretty thin and very good posture. The first day back at school, I get clapped on the back as I'm asked the question "So... Nober... how was your summer?"

      At the time, I must have looked like a penis to all my friends, because it stuck (on a side note, my friend, Sanderson has a knack for finding nicknames that stick with people for years) until my first year of university...There are still people who call me Nober.

      In other news, I met infinity43 last night for lunch, shopping and Hooters for the hockey game (her choice, oddly enough) As I expected, she's much cooler than I, and some of her stories could put mine to shame.

      I'm really glad that all these pretty girls (Thundera, psk, infinity43) have met me first out of the RvBTO crew... I set a good impression, I don't turn into an overly flirtatious jackass until after the second meting.. isn't that right, Gee?

    • The Frightening Conclusion!!

      13 years ago


      After being more humiliated than he most likely ever will in his life and with not much time to formulate a plan, Richter has to act fast, and bolts after Chadwick, with murder on his mind.

      Chadwick makes the right decision to get the hell out of there and flat out ran. Sadly, Richter was alot faster and tackled him. Richter was (still is, most likely) an incredibly strong guy and once he caught Chadwick, he duct-taped his wrists and ankles together.

      He didn't stop there.

      He ran to the corner store and came back with four more rolls. Chadwick was covered in duct tape from his shoulders down. when he was done that, Richter took off Chadwick''s shoes and put on rollerblades, to make his victim mobile. Luck9ily for Chadwick, we were all in the basement, because I honestly think that Richter would've thrown him down the stairs if he had the oppourtiunity.

      So Richter rolls Chadwick into his room and leaves him there overnight with the stench while getting a very nice, comfortable sleep in Chjadwick's room. Now, I was next to Richter's room and could hearCchadwick dry-heaving mor than once, begging for me to help him. Now, I would've, but at that time, I was 5'7, whip thin and honestly, afraid of Richter, so I tell him no way in hell.

      Chadwick eventually falls asleep standing up on rollerblades, but falls over sometime in the night and moans that he hurt himself, trying to get Richter to free him from his torture. Of course, Richter says no dice.

      That morning, one of the Rabbis comes around to remind us that if we need boxes, he has a few. He was the one that opened the door and found Chadwick duct-taped from quite literally head to toe, with pieces of crap all over the place and uke in the trashcan.

      Oddly enough, both guys were kicked out of school.

      Now, if any of you have questions about the story, I'll answer them in my next journal... just leave it in the comments.

    • The Grestest Story Ever Told... part 2!

      13 years ago


      I couldn't wait, I was going to save the rest for tonight, but I'm on a roll here.

      Please, read my other journal today first.

      Now, where were we? Ahhh yes, Chadwick gets back, with, quite frankly, a psychotic look in his eye. Richter is freaking out for he rest of class wondering what the hell is going on, and right after that, all of us book it back to his room.

      Sitting on his desk is a turd.

      Now, this is a unique turd, for a number of reasons. Firstly, it had NO smell at all. Secondly, Chadwick had to be quite the gymnast to be able to place it directly where it was, which is, as close to the wall as possible, and with a shelf jutting out above the desk, this is no easy feat. Toi this day, theories persist as to how he managed that, did he do it upside down, or take a dump on a piece of paper and then simply place that where he wanted it? In any event, this was no ordinary dookie.

      Now, this... item had already been sitting there for more than hour by the time it was witnessed by all, and Richter tried to move it with a sock he was going to throw out. It didn't budge. We all smelled his room, and everyone to a man agreed that it didn't smell like shit, although there was a bit of carrot in it.

      The prevailing wisdom was that Chadwick had super-glue a fake piece of crap on his desk. Which, if it were true would make anyone chuckle. At this time, nobody even knew whether it was real or not, but because of the placement, lack of odour, and other extenuating circumstances, it was decided that there was NO WAY this thing was real.

      And so it sat there for three months.

      Richter got gradually more and more comfortable with it, and even touched it on occaison, or tapped his pencil off of it when writing an essay. It was by all accounts an innocent dookie, just sitting there, causing no harm to anyone.

      On the second last day of class a few of us were hanging out in Richter's room (Chadwick included, the two weren't really friends, but they weren't threats to kill each other, either). Richter produces a hammer that he procured from the school janitor, with intent to smash the turd off his desk.

      Well, he takes a light swing and nothing happens. The second, significant;ly harder swing, however caused the offensive log to shatter, and created perhaps the most pungent smell I have ever smelled, and will ever smell. The resulting odour was so offensive that we all bolted from the room, but not before someone had the presence of mind to puke in Richter's garbage instead of all over the hall.

      Now, what did Richter do? There are only two days left of school until we all have to pack up and go home!
      To Be Continued in part 3!

    • The Grestest Story Ever Told

      13 years ago


      Nothing playing now but the sound of my own voice... this is a good one.

      Eight years ago, I was witness to what may still be the greatest prank war in the history of mankind.

      For starters, some background. For those of you who don't know, I was sent away to a religious boarding school, made up of all guys. Now this can lead to a tonne of dumb things because well, all it takes is one girl (not even a hot one, just any girl) to say "Don't shoot roman candles at each other, that's not smart" We didn't have that.

      In Grade 9, my class was so big that we had our own floor in the bsaement. Now two guys who lived next to each other, Chadwick and Richter really got on each others' nerves. I had the pleasure of being on the other side of Richter, and I know where it all started.

      After some perceived slight from Chadwick to Richter, Chadwick and I were woken up at 4 am by the worst, most horrid orgiastic noises imaginable. Now, I being the smartest of the three put on some soundgarden on my cd player, put headphones on and went back to sleep. Richter kept up those noises for more than an hour, and was so hoarse that he couldn't talk for a couple of days. The two ended up having a fistfight which, oddly enough, solved nothing.

      Chadwick decides that he can't let his burgeoning manhood be compromised in such a manner, so one fine winter day when Richter is doing his laundry, Chadwick takes all the guy's wet clothes and throws them outside. Now, the clever part of this is that he didn't just spread everything all over, he put it all back into the laundry basket so it froze and got knotted together. Richter had to wear pyjamas to classes for the next day and a half.

      After suffering this indignity, Richter decided that enough is enough and pisses in Chadwicks mouthwash. I was unaware of this and was just hanging out in Chadwicks room as he was getting ready to go to sleep that night when he took that fatefull swig that changed his life.

      After Chadwick induced vomiting, everything died down for a while.

      Two weeks later, things took a turn. In math class, Chadwick gets up to go to the can and looks right at Richter saying "You'll see what I think of you." Nobody knew what that meant, but we all knew that, but we figured something was escalating... oh was it ever.

      To Be Continued...

    • Story Time

      13 years ago


      Now Playing - My Beloved Monster by Eels

      Gather 'round, folks, Uncle John is going to tell a coupe of stories to you.

      For those of you who are unaware, I worked for the past 5 summers before this most recent one down at Ontario Place, and I had the chance to experience alot of weird and interesting things in my time there.

      Labour Day 2003, I was managing concessions and not really doing a whole lot of work until later in the day, when I had to cover everyone's dinner break. As I am wont to do, I have fun with the customers, joke around, talk to them, ask thm how they're doing, whatever. I got into a conversation with this older guy, and as I'm scooping his cones, we have a little chat about the Air Show.

      As I'm ringing him up, he asks me if I've heard of a band called Billy Talent. When I infom him that I have, and enjoy their work, he gives me a big smile and says "My son is in that band, he plays the bass..." I hand him his change then he gets really nasty and yells at me " ... DON'T DOWNLOAD MUSIC!"

      So basically, I'll never buy a Billy Talent album, hell, I';e even downloaded songs I don't like just because I'm a smartass like that.

      Now, another situation at OP was alot more fun. That night, Kid Rock was scheduled to peform, but, like alot of shows at the Molson Ampitheatre, his bus showed up the night before and he was just walking around the park with his son. The two decide to buy ice cream... and wander over to my booth.

      I was really surprised that Kid Rock wanted Vanilla ice cream, I'm not sure what I expected him to roder, but vanilla wasn't it. As I'm scooping, I tell him that I'm working tonight, but looking forward to hearing the show (It's not entirely a lie, I do like a couple of Kid Rock songs)... I decide not to charge him because hey, if I can give Sergei Berezin and Monica Seles free ice cream, why not Kid Rock?

      He says thanks, and allegedly, one of the girls working for me heard him preface Bawitdaba with "This is also for the ice cream man.'" Now, she might be screwing with me, but how cool would that be if it actually happened?

      Edit; For a number of reasons, I'm going to be telling stories with the bulk of my next few journals. Hope you guys enjoy 'em.

    • E-love, Lone Gunman, and Drawn Together!

      13 years ago


      Now Playing - Ray by Millencolin

      I really didn't used to care about Karma (still don't, actually) or e-people. That is, until infinity43 wrote this;

      bignicejohn: he shows people grace and kindness regadless of how long he has known them. There are few people that are this caring and funny- and I am lucky to be friends with two of them (mogs/bigjohn). He also drinks alot. And that is a plus.

      How fucking awesome is that? Not only are my name and grace mentioned in the same sentence, but it's not sarcasm. This is the nicest thing a hot girl has ever said about me (and I'm including exes in this one!).

      Now, that ego trip done, I recently bought a couple of tv dvd box sets. Drawn Together and The Lone Gunmen are both really great shows... if you like that sort of thing. Drawn Together is 'the first animated raelity show. Basically, they're got characters from all over the cartoon world, featuring everything from a Disney princess ripoff, to a superhero ripoff, an internet cartoon, and pokemon ripoff and throw them into a house. The spin on all the archetypes is really fun, and more importantly, this is perhaps the most offensive show I've ever seen.

      If a show makes me think twice about a joke, it's pretty out there... but hilarious, nonetheless (although there's a bit too much cartoon nudity for my liking). So if you like Family Guy, Married with Children and good offensive fun, check that out.

      Now, I was a huge x-files fan and I loved the Lone Gunmen characters. Sadly, I didn't get muhc a chance to watch their series when it was on, but I did enjoy it. It's that muhc better the second time around. The pilot actually deals with a terrorist plot to fly a plane into the World Trade Centre (the plane's coming form Boston, no less) about 10 months before the actual thing happened.

      What really struck me about the show was how funny the series was. I always enjoyed the X-files episodes that took themselves a little less than seriously, and that's the otne of this whole series. It focuses more on government and big business than it does on aliens, which I kind of like, and even includes the X-files episode that features the last appearance of the Lone Gunmen.

      Like Drawn Together, this set is only going to appeal to a certain kind of folk, and if that's you, the price of both of these was really affordable (I picked up both for less than 70).

    • Saw a Friend

      13 years ago


      Now Playing - Make You Feel That Way by Blackalicious

      I saw an old friend yesterday, and he's dying. A bit dramatic of a first sentence, I know, but it certainly caught your attention, didn't it? Truth be told, he's been dying since the day I first met him, I sat with him at lunch my first day in grade 3 after moving to a new school

      Michael has been on of the nicest guys that I've ever had the pleasure of knowing in my short time on this little blue-green rock. Now, about the dying bit.. that much is true, but he's been dying for some time. He's got a disease called Dysautonomia, a disease that for some reason only affects jewish males. At the time I met him more than 15 years ago, he wasn't even supposed to make it to his bar mitzvah (13 for those who aen't aware). He'll be turning 25 about a month after I turn 23.

      He's got a girlfriend, or at least a gil who'd do anything for him, but he refuses to ask her to marry him on the basis that he figures he's going to be gone any month now. We got into a long conversation about it, and after trying to convince him to do it, for her, he just looked at me and said that's exactly why he's no doing it.

      I was going to continue this argument, but I realized how much of a hypocrite I am sometimes. I did exactly the same thing when I had my heart problems a while ago, I closed mself off from my friends, dumped my girlfriend at the time, and just 'played out the string' those last few days.

      I'll be honest, it killed me, because in all the years I've known him, Michael's never been a guy to not have hope. Everytime we got a new kid in our class, his parents would have to explain to him that Michael had an incurable disease, and might die before the end of the school year. I remember a string of a couple of years where I beat up a few people who thought it might be funny to have a laugh at his expense (So I wasn't as articulate as I am now).

      To see him finally resigned really hit me, and I'm awake at 9 am because I haven't gone to sleep yet tonight. I'm worried that now that he looks like he's going to give up, I may have already seen the last of him I'll ever see.

      Don't mean to get deep and emotional, but I needed to vent, thanks, and have a good day.

    • Hazing and pictures!

      13 years ago


      Now Playing - Exhausted by Foo Fighters

      Firstly, I have a huge picture update of NEW STUFF courtesy of Tiana's pics of RvBTO and my party at The Abbey.

      Now, something big going on right now is the crackdown on hazing in sports. Moe Mantha, coach of the Windsor Spitfires was suspended for 40 games for his actions in not culling hazing among his team, and for not stopping a fight in his practice.

      Now, hazing IS NOT bullying. As a former bully myself, I realize that it may have a negative effect on some people, and well, in that case, cut it out.

      Hazing, on the other hand is a completely different story. In high school, I was duct taped to a tree and left there overnight. The next day, I was the friggin' man because when they came to get me, I was sound asleep. Hazing, especially on a sports team creates a bond between teammates. People love to say that only the younger players get it, and that's absolutely true, but guess what, it's the young kids who turn into veterans and give it to the next crop.

      Who of you has been in a locker-room situation (or dormitory) and no had something done from the steal your clothes while you're in the shower, to getting jammed in a locker?

      It's innocuous and harmless, as long as the next group has a way to vent their frustrations. When I reached OAC, I was the first one to give the freshman crap (not literally, though). I already know most of the women are most likely going to disagree with the circle, but the circle completes itself, when you get older, you get as good as you got.

      I honestly think that just cutting out hazing will end up being more dangerous than leaving it alone. Every kid that gets picked on wants to pick on someone else, I have never met anyone who is willing to just let themselves get pranked or hazed, knowing they won't get the chance to work over some other kids.

      Hazing creates a bond between groups, because sooner or later, everyone has gone through the same crap, and can look back and if not laugh at it, at least talk about it. Hell, I've got a tape from the '96 baseball season that CHRONICLES how different teams haze rookies.

      It's harmless fun, everyone has a good laugh, and it builds bonds in a highly competitive environment, creating that chemistry that every team needs to be successfull.

    • Drinks with Saddam & Hurricanes

      13 years ago


      Now Playing - Want You Bad by the Offspring

      So, I try to keep up with the news on a daily basis, and I've been keeping tabs on Saddam Hussein's trial over there in Baghdad. I may be the opnly guy who thinks it's hilarious how out of touch with reality this guy is. Of course the first Gulf War failed to get him, he bounces around like Jim Carrey in The Mask.

      Judge: Please state your name and occupation
      Saddam: I am Saddam Hussein, President of Iraq.
      Judge: You mean former president...
      Saddam: No, current.

      He then goes on to denounce the trial against him as illegal. Now this is a man I'd like to have a beer with just to see what comes out of his mouth next.

      Now, it looks like Hurricane Wilma, the strongest hurricane ever recorded is about to pound the shit out of Florida, and I got to thinking about Huricane names. Firstly, they switch years between female and male names, and they start alphabetically and go on from there. The next one is going to be Xena, and BNJ p[ities the fool who gets his house destroyed by the princess of power hurricane.

      I was curious, though... surely a Hurricane John must have come around, and it did:

      Storm that wouldn't die

      From time to time, a hurricane sails past Hawaii to cross the International Date Line, which makes it a typhoon. In 1994, Hurricane John did even better.
      It formed over the eastern Pacific and grew into a hurricane on Aug. 11, with winds reaching 170 mph at one time.

      John weakened before hitting Johnson Island, south of Hawaii, where the U.S. Army destroys chemical weapons, but still did $15 million damage. All of the people on the island were evacuated before the storm hit.

      John crossed the Date Line on Aug. 28, becoming Typhoon John. It then turned around and crossed back to the east side of the Date Line on Sept. 8, to become Hurricane John again. before dying on Sept. 31.

      John covered a total of about 4,000 miles during its month as a storm.

      I'm not sure how that correlates to me, but there's something to be said for my longevity and stick-to-itiveness... also Hurricanes that hit Hawaii are rare and uniqie... much like myself, I Imagine. I've never hit hawaii, but I did put a guy named Horatio in a sleper hold once.

    • Another Journal??

      13 years ago


      Now Playing - Sing Along Forever by Bouncing Souls

      So, I was watching one of my favourite tv shows tonight, Sex, Toys & Chocolate (if you're not familiar with the show, they have 3 hot chicks and 3 good looking dudes talk about sex issues) and it's a special episode, there are 3 stunning lesbians and 3 straight girls talking about lesbian vs straight sex.

      I've never seen or heard anything like it... I almost blushed.

      Anyways, during the commercial beak, I flipped around and there was a documentary on about the Guys that won the X prize... I was so enraptured by that I missed the LAST 20 MINUTES OF LESBIAN SEX TALK!!!

      So remember, no matter how cool I try to pretend to be (and I think I fool most of the people some of the time on that one). I'm stilla big geek who watches documentaries on airplanes going into space over sex.

      That doesn't mean I'm a loser, it just means that my penis' IQ is higher than my brain's.

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