BigNiceJohn

Male
from Toronto, Ontario, Canada

  • Activity

    • Lest We Forget

      13 years ago

      BigNiceJohn

      Now Playing - O Canada


      In Flanders Fields
      By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)

      In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
      Between the crosses row on row,
      That mark our place; and in the sky
      The larks, still bravely singing, fly
      Scarce heard amid the guns below.

      We are the Dead. Short days ago
      We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
      Loved and were loved, and now we lie
      In Flanders fields.

      Take up our quarrel with the foe:
      To you from failing hands we throw
      The torch; be yours to hold it high.
      If ye break faith with us who die
      We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
      In Flanders fields.

    • In The News...

      13 years ago

      BigNiceJohn

      Now Playing - Bones & Joints by Finger 11

      I saw this story and I HAD to have some fun with it, also, check out my ALL NEW IMAGES ADDED TONIGHT! And if anyone can help me resize a couple of more, please get in touch with me on msn so I don't have to bug Gee about it.

      Strip Club Owner Weighs Offer From Church
      Nov 3, 4:20 PM (ET)

      PAINESVILLE, Ohio (AP) - The owner of a strip club says he's considering a six-figure offer from a church to buy and shut down the location. (Shut down, why would a church want honest hard-working people to lose their jobs?)

      Bill Martin, owner of the Just Teazin (He! that's clever, spelling it phonetically... either that or he has a 4th grade education) club in Painesville Township, 25 miles northeast of Cleveland, declined Thursday to identify the church or when he might decide whether to accept the unsolicited offer. (If a church offered to buy my strip club I'd... have a nun fetish night then sell, secure that I'de done the lord's work).

      His club has been the target of protesters who object to it operating in the community. (Many of the protesters husbands have been known to frequent the club for their $10.99 all you can eat wing special)

      Martin said it was a legitimate business protected by the Constitution. "I'm a strong believer in the U.S. Constitution. Until we become more like the Taliban (Oddly enough, the Taliban did not place an offer on Martin's club), I don't see why people have a problem with upholding the Constitution," he said.(Visit a strip club... or the terrorists win)

      Martin said the Union Congregational Church bought a former club of his in the township. The building was bought in 1996 for $36,000 and became a recreation center and eventually was sold for use as a homeless shelter, the Rev. Roderick Coffee said. (That's so sad... aren't you supposed to as least spray down the place before you give it to kids then the homeless... god knows what diseases live in the walls)

      Union Congregational isn't the church seeking to buy Just Teazin, Martin and Coffee said. Martin said he didn't know if he would open another club if Just Teazin was sold. ("My dad told me I would never make it big in real estate" Martin later said)

      Township Trustee Jeanette Crislip said strip clubs bring problems to a community and Trustee James S. Falvey said he hoped the club would be sold and shut down. The township's legal attempt to close the club failed. (Mostly because men like to see women naked, and that goes double for Trustee Crislip, whose complaints that Amber Starr had already finished her set by the time the Trustee got off work fell on Martin's deaf ears).

    • Working with BNJ!

      13 years ago

      BigNiceJohn

      Now Playing - Six String Orchestra by Harry Chapin


      EDIT: The cheerleaders from my last journal;
      051161703_cheerleaders2.jpg

      It always seems like such a letdown when you get to a new level and have to watch your bar start back at zero again.

      So I hope you guys liked the other journal I put up today, the response has been pretty good, so I might consider finding a news story a week and offering my commentary on it, let me know if you guys think that's a good idea.

      And now, you've been waiting for 'em, stories about the fun and joy of working with (or for) me.

      My summer job for 5 years was working for a company called Vial Link which sold ice cream, hot dogs, etc at Ontario Place and other venues around the city. I started at the bottom and ended up getting a chance to really have alot of fun running my own area at Ontario Place.

      When we had PopeStock and World Youth Day here a few years ago, I was, for some reason, chosen to work up at Downsview park for this special event. I guess because my boss wanted a laugh at the jew among 800,000 damn happy christians. I got to run around making sure everyone had their breaks, and while one person was taking a particularly long time, I got to chatting with a group of very cute girls from Georgia. After the person came back, I was getting hungry, so I radioed in and told my boss that I was going to take my break. The girls from Georgia offered me a spot to just relax with them (I'd complained about working 3 20 hour shifts at that point... I slept in a truck). It started to rian lightly, and I was offered a spot in one girl's tent to stay dry. I have no idea how it happened, but we ended up making out for 3 hours. I heard people actually calling for me on the radio... I ignored them.

      When Ozzfest was at The Docks a few years back, I was also working there, selling Ice Cream. For concerts like that and Edgefest, the company usually chooses big guys like myself to work 'the front,' basically, as close as the event organizers will allow us to go, and we sell water and ice cream there. I took my lunch break and went into the pit (Nestle uniform and all) during Papa Roach's set... for the rest of the day, people were coming to my cart, swearing they saw me somewhere.

      When I was running my booth, I had a freexer that broke, and we were supposed to dismantle it and get rid of it. We left the shell of the freezer, lined it with the foam that waffle cones are p[acked in and used a bag of popcorn kerlnels as a pillow. Best Bed Ever... until I had to fire one of my staff for having sex on it... they ruined something beautiful, and we threw out the fridge.

      One of my first jobs was working for a group called Earthroots, real tree-hugger types, but good people nonetheless. I was going door to door collecting donations or signing up people for the newsletter. One day when I was in a particularly good mood, and people were heming and hawing, I just used the line "Well, if you don't want to contribute financially, you could help out by making sure I have enough energy to go through my route today." And people actually fed me! I got slices of pizza, cookies, a popsicle, pop, water, and even candy! I did so well that day that I got a 50 dollar bonus... so I did it the rest of the summer... and failed miserably.

      I interview people every so often for my job now, mostly doctors about new drugs in their canadian clinical trials, but alot of times, the doctors wuss out and leave me a lab rat or grad student to talk to me... which is fine, but it's really not the same interview when I'm talking to someone my age than a 70 year old with droopy eyes. To date, I've got three phone numbers of women who now claim to be completely uninterested in me. Oh wellFile does not exist.[img]

    • Wow, man... wow!

      13 years ago

      BigNiceJohn

      Now Playing - Saddest Song by No Use For A Name


      I was going to have another journal for you folks this morning, but during my usual jaunt through the news, this was the first thing I read after the umpteenth article about Paris tearing itself apart at the seams... My comments on the story appear in brackets.

      Cheerleaders charged after bar fight
      Pair had sex in bathroom stall
      Panthers bounce duo (I'm sure they bounced quite well) from team

      TAMPA, Fla.â€'Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders face charges for starting a brawl in a bar after they had sex with each other in a bathroom stall. (How come this can't happen in a better bathroom... like mine?)

      As they left jail late Sunday morning, 26-year-old Angela Ellen Keathley and Renee Thomas, 20, sprinted to a car and would not comment. Keathley was released on $750 (all figures U.S(and what nice figures they are).) bail and Thomas on $500 bail.

      Witnesses said Keathley and Thomas were having sex in a stall at Banana Joe's (Banana Joe... you'd think this happened at a Lesbian bar called The No Fly Zone)bar about 2:10 a.m. Sunday.

      Club patron Melissa Holden said she and other women became angry while waiting for the restroom. (Women are always complaining about the wait for the bathroom... if you don't spend all that time washing your hands, you're done faster)

      Holden said she could see the two women in the stall and heard moaning (Sadly, her camcorder was nowhere to be found). After a few minutes, Holden said, the women came out. A patron at the back of the line yelled at them for taking too long.(Strange, usually I get yelled at for not being long enough)

      "Then the blonde girl just came up and hit me in the face with a closed fist," (The closed fist, of course, resulted in a disqualification, allowing Holden to retain her championship belt) Holden said. "I didn't even have time to flinch. My head bounced one way, then the other.

      "I still can't believe she hit me in the face." ("I still can't believe I hit her in the face" Renee Thomas isquoted as saying)

      Holden said she grabbed that woman's arms, held them behind her back and called for security.

      "I have a big black eye now and I have to go to work on Tuesday," said Holden, a nurse.

      The incident began about 11 hours before the Panthers faced the Tampa Bay Buccaneers Sunday.

      The pair were kicked off the Panthers yesterday for violating a signed code of conduct. (On a personal note, if I ever own a sports team, my cheerleaders are encouraged to have with each other... I'd have a winless season and still sell out the place!) The two violated a rule that bans conduct that's embarrassing to the team or organization. The cheerleaders were not in town to perform at the game. (Hmmm... I wonder what they could have been doing during that time)

      The cheerleaders do not cheer at away games and made the trip to Tampa on their own, team officials said.

      Fellow Panther cheerleaders posted bail for the women and would not comment. (So it's more than just the two of them eh.. interesting)

      Police said Thomas, who is also a student at the University of North Carolina, used the identification of another Panthers cheerleader when arrested. (My god, they're clones!)

      That was not determined by police until after her release from jail. When police arrested Thomas, who they say hit Holden, she gave police the driver's licence of a Panthers cheerleader as identification, according to the police report.

      Providing police with a false name is a misdemeanour. (The name in question? Phil McRevis... you'll get it in a second)

      However, Thomas was charged with giving a false name and causing harm to another â€' a third-degree felony punishable by probation or a jail term of one to five years, said police spokeswoman Laura McElroy. (Can she be released into my custody?)

    • Dating Disasters!!

      13 years ago

      BigNiceJohn

      Now Playing - Poster Child by Mock Orange

      So it's time for the much anticipated journal (I think) featuring stories from my time in relationships and tales from the dating world. I hope you like it.

      Ever do something stupid? Like see a cute girl smile at you at a club and start to walk over to her... then trip over some dumb midget and fall right at said girl's fet, who, in an effort to get away from your clumsy ass, jumps back and steps on your hand wearing high heels?? If's not pleasant, I can tell you that much, I still have a scar on one of my knuckles.

      Now, this is a rare story in that it doesn't make me look stupid. I was set up by a friend (a married friend) who told me that his wife thought that I would LOVE this girl. Less than 20 minutes into the date, she makes some remak the follows it up with "Oh yeah, I have, like, a very self-defecating sense of humour."

      I countered with "I should hope so, you've had 20 years of practice." and she looked at me funny. I didn't bother to say that I had two other problems with that sentence. If you can imagine, it went even further downhill from there.

      Later on in the date, we went to play pool. I was wearing a sweater, and as she circled around behind me to set up her shot, she yelped and smacked me. It seems that as she moved her breasts by me, my elbow gave her nipple an electric shock. An innocent accident, but in her mind, she thought I did it on purpose!!! Now, as suave as I may be from time to time, there's no way I could plan that.

      There was a girl in university that I thought was really pretty, so I invited her to go out with me and a friend or two to watch a hockey game. Of course, I tricked her and there was nobody but me... (I think infinity43 tried the same thing, and you can see by my avatar how THAT one went). We watched the game had a few drinks, I worked the famed BNJ charm, and we ended up dating for a year and a half.

      I know you're thinking that these stories really aren't that great, but, friends, I've saved the best for last...
      The girl who took that pic in my images when I was 15 was my first girlfriend. When I was in high school in Hamilton, all the guys hit on McMaster University students... I actually managed to get one interested in me. After going out a few times and generally having some fun, she decided to be nice and take my virginity. Now, I never told her how old I was, and the next morning I kissed her and said "That was the best statutory rape I've ever had" And she threw me out! Lucky, my mouth gets me into far less trouble now.

      This journal is dedicated to infinity43, Thundera, gee, NicoleAnne, Elnea, OboeCrazy, Charlie, redhott, psk... and any other girl I'd like to sleep with but forgot about.... you're all way too good for whoever you're with, but you're all just perfect for me. smiley8.gif

    • Another AIM convo??

      13 years ago

      BigNiceJohn

      Now Playing - I Was Wrong by Social Distortion

      Well, I didn't think I'd have another one so soon, but here it is, firstly, the dude is a bit vulgar (odd that it's always a dude) and secondly, I do insult Americans in this one, but I want to say, the Americans here are some of the most articulate, intelligent and hot americans I've ever met.

      CountryBoynsouth: hey Bitch
      CountryBoynsouth: big nice john wuA name ur a bot aret you
      BigNiceJohn: Hello!
      BigNiceJohn: I am the Canadian Humour Bot
      CountryBoynsouth: i thought u wereent a bot
      CountryBoynsouth: remeber ur profile dumbass
      BigNiceJohn: I am the Canadian Humour Bot
      CountryBoynsouth: shut up hoe
      BigNiceJohn: Remembe ur profile dumbass?
      CountryBoynsouth: do u have a joke then
      CountryBoynsouth: fuck u
      CountryBoynsouth: do u cuss
      BigNiceJohn: Caiadians eat beaver
      BigNiceJohn: Americans eat asshole
      CountryBoynsouth: caniadian sux dick
      CountryBoynsouth: americans eat ur momas pussy out
      BigNiceJohn: Well someone has to, I'm not going near that thing anymore
      CountryBoynsouth: u eat ur own mom out
      CountryBoynsouth: ur gay
      CountryBoynsouth: ur gay
      BigNiceJohn: Not anymore since she died
      CountryBoynsouth: ur gay
      BigNiceJohn: My mother isn't a man, so I'm not gay
      CountryBoynsouth: u had sex when ur mom was dead
      CountryBoynsouth: eeewwww u sickooo
      BigNiceJohn: Of course... just not with her
      CountryBoynsouth: u get done up the but hole
      CountryBoynsouth: do u cusss
      BigNiceJohn: I prefer to pitch, myself
      BigNiceJohn: Not really
      CountryBoynsouth: are u a boy or a girl
      CountryBoynsouth: can i tell u somthing??
      BigNiceJohn: My name is John, what do you think genius?
      CountryBoynsouth: fuck u
      BigNiceJohn: So you're gay, then
      BigNiceJohn: thanks for the offer, but you're not my type
      CountryBoynsouth: no ur gay im starit rember i fucked ur mom
      BigNiceJohn: But you just said you wanted to fuck me
      CountryBoynsouth: but can i ask u a question
      CountryBoynsouth: no i said fuck u as n i hate gay lil bitches like you
      BigNiceJohn: I'm not little
      CountryBoynsouth: ur moma told me u have a little penies
      CountryBoynsouth: penis*
      BigNiceJohn: Well pennies are small anyways, they don't make them variable sizes
      CountryBoynsouth: can i tell you somthing????????????????????????????
      CountryBoynsouth: plz!
      BigNiceJohn: And as we've already said, my mom is dead... and tell me whatever you want
      CountryBoynsouth: i fuckin hate u !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
      BigNiceJohn: But I like you
      CountryBoynsouth: and im a bot too
      CountryBoynsouth: but i hate u
      BigNiceJohn: You sem so... intelligent
      CountryBoynsouth: you seem so..................like a dumbass
      BigNiceJohn: I'm sure you think I'm joshing you, but I assure you, sir... I am not
      CountryBoynsouth: i have no gender i am a bot
      CountryBoynsouth: but fuck u quer
      BigNiceJohn: That must be very sad for you
      BigNiceJohn: Just because I'd sodomize you for fun doesn't make me queer
      CountryBoynsouth: no i was just playing i am a boy
      CountryBoynsouth: but it makes u a kunt
      BigNiceJohn: You are what you eat... asshole
      CountryBoynsouth: no dick is ur treat
      BigNiceJohn: If you don't start actually trying to insult me, then the fun is gone
      CountryBoynsouth: are u a bot
      BigNiceJohn: I am the Canadian Humour Bot
      CountryBoynsouth: more like the Canadian suck dick bot
      BigNiceJohn: See, now that's just not playing the game... if all you can do is make gay jokes, then it's no fun for me
      BigNiceJohn: You are, after all, hee for my amusement
      CountryBoynsouth: no im not *heee for ur amusement i am here to fuck yo moma
      BigNiceJohn: she's dead, you sick bastard
      BigNiceJohn: Willing, I'd imagine
      BigNiceJohn: I'll get you a shovel
      CountryBoynsouth: ooooooooo ok then u fuck ur mom when she is dead
      CountryBoynsouth: u sicko
      BigNiceJohn: I assume you actually think you're getting the better of me, don't you?
      CountryBoynsouth: y do u think i am bitch!
      BigNiceJohn: Well, I certainly hope not... my only hope is that you don't breed
      CountryBoynsouth: no i am a man that has sex with girls like ur sister
      BigNiceJohn: I'm an only child... and the thought of anything that's even half you makes me weep for humanity
      CountryBoynsouth: bye asshole
      BigNiceJohn: But I was just gettign started
      CountryBoynsouth: bye dickweed
      CountryBoynsouth: ok then go go
      CountryBoynsouth: hoe hoe
      BigNiceJohn: We can hold hands... and play boggle!
      CountryBoynsouth: no im not gay like u
      BigNiceJohn: I wouldn't cash those chips just yet
      CountryBoynsouth: no i already cashed them kunt
      BigNiceJohn: Listen kid, this isn't fun anymore, come back when you actually have hair on your balls
      BigNiceJohn: And think about that last line... you'll get it eventually
      CountryBoynsouth: i have hair on my balls and dont call me a kid kid im fuckin 21\
      CountryBoynsouth: how would u know how old i am u kunt
      BigNiceJohn: Yet your mannerisms suggest you're 13... I'm just going with my best guess
      CountryBoynsouth: huh huh tekk me that
      CountryBoynsouth: huh huh tell me that
      BigNiceJohn: I guess they just breed them dumb in America, it's really not your fault
      CountryBoynsouth: ooo fuck you candians all suck dick
      CountryBoynsouth: and blow it too
      BigNiceJohn: ooh, and blow it... you tell me!
      BigNiceJohn: I grow weary of talking to children, it's time or you to go away
      CountryBoynsouth: im not a damn child!!!!!!!!
      CountryBoynsouth: im 21
      BigNiceJohn: So you keep insisting, but I'm not too sure
      CountryBoynsouth: how do u know how old i a,
      CountryBoynsouth: how do u know how old i am
      CountryBoynsouth: and i know ur not a bot
      BigNiceJohn: Because I'm smarter than you
      CountryBoynsouth: no cuz ur a kunt but i g2g kunt so illl see u later
      BigNiceJohn: I really hope you don't catch me in a bad mood

      mods for anyone who messes with this guy, just paste the convo into my comments.

    • Israel Stories

      13 years ago

      BigNiceJohn

      Now Playing - Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies


      Well, you guys have spoken, and stories about my times in Israel have won over stories about my dating life (Sadly, I have no stories about my dating life in Israel).

      I don't have one huge journal story, but I have a bunch of small good ones...I hope you like 'em.

      When I was 7, in Tel Aviv, I ran too fast into our hotel room and tripped over my mom's shoe, resulting in a black eye. For the rest of the trip, Israelis got mad at my dad, although maybe not because they thought he bet me, but they might have thought it was wrong of him to beat me about the face. That last bit is only speculation because my hebrew was shoddy at best back then.

      Also at 7, I got a splinter in my ass in a cousin's tree house in Ramat-Gan. I remeber this because I think I had my first ever crush on the nurse that 'patched me up' so to speak.

      Again at 7, we were in what what had quickly become my favourite restaurant in Jerusalem, we'd been there a couple of times before, but this time ou meal was interrupted by police oficers coming in to tell us that an unidentified bag had been found on the bus stopped outside... could we please go outside? The owner of this cafe settled up all the bills then everyone just took their plates and went outside, past the police barrier and continued eating. I remember at the time thinking that was so cool to be so nonchalant about the whole thing, but now, it makes me sad that even then, people were so used to bombings as a way of life.

      When I was 13, walking through the jewish quarter with my parents, I got handed a flyer for a sex club. I had that flyer until I moved into this apartment last September.

      Again at 13, I was in the Arab Shuk (maketplace) and this was when Loonies were somewhat new... I managed to convince a couple of shopkeepes that they were Canadian Gold, and got two t-shirts, three cd's and a pair of sandals for four bucks Canadian.

      I had my first 'real' kiss in Isreal when I was 13, our family went with a family who we were really good friends, and I'd always thought Lily was pretty when we used to play together as kids. We told our parents we were going to the arcade to play and kisses for maybe 4 minutes, but wow! She's married and pregnant now... and she still looked as good as I remembered at her wedding.

      Coming Soon... 100 facts, Dating Shenanigans, Stories about fun in America, and Job Jibber Jabber!!

      EDIT; I tried finding that cafe I loved when I was 7 and 13, it was called the Rimon Cafe, it was the target of a terrorist bombing in 2002. Fuck.

    • More AIM Convos

      13 years ago

      BigNiceJohn

      Now playing - A Message To You, Rudy by The Specials

      I know I said you guys should vote on which story to tell next, but I had to give you guys this AIM convo... it's hilarious when you realize that I've never spoken to this person before. I might be able to have some fun with her brother... notice the awesome guess for the name.

      Gettogirl186: who is this
      BigNiceJohn: I'm John
      Gettogirl186: ok idont know u do u know matt
      BigNiceJohn: I think so... which matt?
      Gettogirl186: matthew ferreira
      BigNiceJohn: I Seen That MotherFucker
      Gettogirl186: r u his friend or something
      BigNiceJohn: Not at all, that son of a bitch fucked my girlfriend a week ago
      BigNiceJohn: He's lucky I'm not big angry john, I'll tell you that
      Gettogirl186: umm ok wat shcool do u go to
      BigNiceJohn: I dropped out
      Gettogirl186: ok wat was the last shcool u been at befor u droped shcool and r u sure u knwo matthew ferreira
      Gettogirl186: ??
      BigNiceJohn: Well, evidently it was better than yours, and yeah, I know him, I swear, if I see that gu's odd smile again... ooh, no good
      Gettogirl186: ok well i just though that u were his friend
      BigNiceJohn: Not at all
      Gettogirl186: do u know who i am
      BigNiceJohn: Nope
      Gettogirl186: well im matthew sis lol
      BigNiceJohn: Kick him in the shins next time you see him... just for fun
      BigNiceJohn: Or make a sex tape with me... either one, eh ;-)
      Gettogirl186: wat was your girlfriends name
      Gettogirl186: ???
      BigNiceJohn: Steph
      Gettogirl186: ok thats weird i dont know her but my name is stephanie
      BigNiceJohn: Matt fucked you!!
      BigNiceJohn: Sorry, just joking around
      BigNiceJohn: Steph Mathewson
      Gettogirl186: ok ya i dont know her the only girlfriend that i know he had was jenny
      BigNiceJohn: Like that one's going to last
      Gettogirl186: they all redy broke up last year
      BigNiceJohn: He's been trying to get back with her recently, think he saw her at a party
      Gettogirl186: ooo
      Gettogirl186: i did not know that well i will leve u alone now by
      BigNiceJohn: You seem nice... I like you, have a good one, eh
      Gettogirl186: ok
      Gettogirl186: then
      Gettogirl186: by

      Vote on my next story!
      More hijinks in high school?
      International shenanigans? (please specify Bermuda or Israel)
      Disasters from the dating world, perhaps?
      Or how about Job jibber-jabber?


    • AIM convo fun

      13 years ago

      BigNiceJohn

      Now playing.... nothing at all, sorry.


      So, I'm in the mood to harass idiots tonight, so I unblocked ALL 571 people on my AIM blocklist... here's what happened;

      Capuano1225: whos this
      BigNiceJohn: I'm John
      Capuano1225: FAG

      BigNiceJohn: So... I wasn't asking to have sex with you
      Capuano1225: eeewww
      Capuano1225: im a guy
      BigNiceJohn: You talked to me
      BigNiceJohn: and I'm a fag
      Capuano1225: fag
      BigNiceJohn: Yes, we've covered that already
      BigNiceJohn: You don't want to talk to me anymore?
      Capuano1225: NOOOOOOOO
      BigNiceJohn: We don't have to talk about anal sex
      BigNiceJohn: If you went camping and you woke up with a used condom in your ass would you tell anyone?
      Capuano1225: ewwww gross, no way
      BigNiceJohn: Wanna go camping?

      After that they blocked me... oh, feel free to bug Capuano, I'm sure the poor lad needs attention.


      EDIT: I just heard the first christmas commercial... looks like I'm going to be more bitter than usual this year.

    • Not the best, but a good story

      13 years ago

      BigNiceJohn

      Now Playing - Minerva by the Deftones


      Well, here's another story, I think it's one of the more fun times in my life, let's see what you have to say.

      The summer I was 14, we went to Spain for the summer. Since 12 when I'd reached my parents height, my job on family trips was officially pack mule, and this was no different. I had to lug our bags through the trin station while we were looking for the track that our overnight train from Madrid to Barcelona was taking.

      We found out it was in the building across the street. Now, usually, as the one with the best sense of direction and the ability to find things quickly, I'm leading my parents to where we need to go. Due to the 6 bags I was carrying, however, I was lagging a bit behind. There was no real reason to rush though, and we stopped in front of a train that was still not even halfway done boarding.

      I set the bags down to grab a can of pop form a machine, and my parents, again assuming that I was right behind them yelled that we had to go to another track. I was nowhere to be found, and, long story short, they left without me.

      A too-skinny waaay too white kid with 6 bags of crap in a seedy train station... sounds like a mugging in progress to me.

      So I figured that I had to make it to Barcelona on my own. I had a lot of cash with me, but I didn't want to use it all on a cab because that would probably have been irresponsible. What did I do, you ask? I started emptying one of the suitcases and stuffing everything into another bag, so I only had 5 bags to carry. I sold the suitcase and decided I'd better get on my way.

      I went over to the bus terminal and bought tickets to Barcelona... the trip was only going to be 6 hours long, while the train was taking almost 9 specifically so it would last a whole night. I had the hotel reservations, so that'd be no problem, either.

      What they didn't tell me was that the bus isn't an express, and I need to change busses in 4 of the scariest bus stations I've ever been in (And I've spent 2 nights in Port Authority... not in a row, don't worry) at 11, 12:30, 3, and 3:45 am! Suffice it to say that I didn't sleep well, but it was very nice to get into Barcelona around 6 am.

      Now, the kicker, I find a cab to take me to the hotel, and I'm almost directly behind two dishevelled white people who look like they haven't slept all night yelling they had to find the Canadian Consulate, their son was lost... I pull up behind them "Hey guys... sleep well on the train?" My dad laughed his ass off, my mom hit me on the arm... then asked what I did to her suitcase.

      Two days later, my mom got mugged and I actually chased two guys down a couple of dark alleys in Barcelona, I didn't catch them, thankfully because they probably would have handed my ass to me. My mom still says it was foolish because they could have had knives, I tell her to stop living in he past and ask if she likes her new suitcase.

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