You suck for not telling me about Grindd's show at your school, you son of a bitch. Though I do plan to make it to your next shows. For sure.
'Til lata', bitches.
11 years agoBirdPhobia
15 REASONS CANADA MAKES ME UNEASY AND CONFUSED
1. Canadians are very nice. I have never met a rude or unkind Canadian. What the fuck is up with that?
2. Canada is up there hooked onto the United States and we never hear a word from them.
3. It's colder than hell in a great deal of Canada and they never ever complain. That isn't right. They should be calling us to say, "It's colder than hell up here. Screw you, Texas!" and so forth.
4. Canadians let draft dodgers come to their country during various wars and never even bitched about it.
5. Canadians are so freaking polite. If you get mad at a Canadian, that person says, "But...I must not have made myself clear, because you are offended! Let's restart this conversation and see where it went wrong."
God, that is so un-American.
6. Canada has a leaf on their flag. A leaf. And it's pretty! Heads up, Canada! You need stars, stripes, maybe a sword or gun...stuff on your flag should show you are a lean mean fighting machine...not that you are proud of your maple trees!
7. The United States flight teams are the Blue Angels and The Thunderbirds, the UK has the Blue Eagles (copycats), Russia has the Russian Knights, you get the idea. Canada has The Snowbirds. They are superb. And very polite. At the one air show I went to? The Thunderbirds were pretend dog-fighting! The Blue Angels were spinning in what looked like a near out-of-control sequence! The Russians were spraying smoke!
Do you know what The Snowbirds did?
They flew up beautifully, down beautifully, in perfect synchronicity...and they made a heart. A heart in the sky.
Hey! Canada! That ain't fightin' stuff. You could stop a war doing shit like that. You could turn a really good war situation into a hug-fest.
And I think you people know that!
8. Canada has a whole province where the folks speak a different language and you don't hear Canadians bitching about "those dirty Frenchies", they just leave them alone to speak their own language.
9. Canada's Prime Minister? He's cute. I've heard nothing about him but I do know this: he comes to United States functions and acts appropriately. He does not vomit on our President or call people "happy sardines" for not knowing our language. He knows our language. He arrives quietly for the state funeral or whatever, he brings a small but appropriate gift, he looks appropriately grieved (and I actually think he is appropriately grieved!) and has a nice smile for those "yes it's a state funeral but we can still smile and move along here" moments. He shows up on time, stays just long enough, and then he leaves. He doesn't fuck any White House interns or hit on the President's wife.
I just don't get it.
10. Canada loaned us a koala bear, did you know this?
We should've asked the Aussies but Canada is closer and koala bears are picky little bastards, they die in planes, they die all the time. I'm surprised they've not been phased out by evolution.
We killed the bear. Not on purpose, even the United States would not do that, but apparently koalas, the picky little bastards, will only eat very certain eucalyptus leaves or something and I don't know, we fed the picky little bastard dog kibbles or something and he died.
And Canada apologized.
They said they were sorry for our grief! They said perhaps the bear was defective before he even got on the plane!
Look: if we sent a zebra to Belgium and they killed our zebra? We'd launch the missiles. We don't take that shit.
11. And yet Canada does not look like a pussy. Canada is strong and firm but very polite.
12. Canada sells controlled substances over the counter and yet their rate of drug addiction is very low and they do not even have a War On drugs! Canada doesn't DO war! And I'm betting their rate of alcoholism is also very low!
13. Canada has your basic socialized medicine and from what I can tell from here, it works. It sure as hell works better than what we have.
14. When you go to Canada from the US, the border patrol is very nice. They want to make sure you know where you're going, that you'll have fun, that you are glad to be there because they are glad you are there! When you come back "home" over the boarder, the US border patrol wants to know who the hell you are. Are you from Nebraska? Maryland? What the hell do you want? You wanna come home? Empty the trunk. Throw the fruit away and ditch that damned koala bear.
You had a good trip?
They don't give a shit. Yeah, you're home all right. And the Canadian border patrol is waving goodbye with genuine sadness that you are leaving oh-so-soon and be sure to write!
15. We United States citizens believe we are alone on this continent.
And Canada never says a word about how stupidly geocentric we are.
We call ourselves "North America" and frankly, Canada is a pretty freaking huge land mass. We just act like they don't exist. And they never correct us.
You know what?
We could all learn a few lessons from Canada.
11 years agoBirdPhobia
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The Anti-Christ (Johnny, JediJesus)
Mr. Faggington (Jesse, griffff)
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Awesome Dude (C, BobLablaw)
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11 years agoBirdPhobia
So I saw the Halo 3 ending, and I'm only gonna say the last line of the game.
"Take us home." -- Arbiter
...who the fuck does he think he is? Picard? Kirk? Fuck that mother fucker!
The ending basically failed on proportions so epic I can't even begin to explain it with mere mortal words.
Better Halo 3 Ending:
It should of had a gigantic fucking explosion, and you see a bunch of midgets humping doorknobs and then they turn into flying fish with laser guns on their foreheads, and Johnson saying "Ohhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhh." while teabagging Cortana's hologram with MC slapping her ass.
Who thinks that would be one of the best endings in the history of video games?
Oh and 100 mod contest soon ... sign up here.
12 years agoBirdPhobia
Yes the journal title is true... I fought a bee at around 7:30 - 7:40.
I decided to stay up all night talking to the usual dude, the Irish Brian (round of applause for him, Degenerate89) Kaito (new friend near me) and PuDgEball. I'm going to a music store later and buying shiz.
Anyways, I decide to clean up the dog poop *gag*, skim the pool, and I found the first out of two bees in there. He was just floating so I assumed he was dead, I pick him up with the pool skimmer and he starts moving. I flip the skimmer and sink him under the water for a few minutes. He dies. 0wn3d. I threw him away using the skimmer.
Before skimming I ate two tacos. Mmm. Then I decide "I'mma go biking" and I'm about to get on my bike, and I see another bee on my kick-stand. I have a big phobia of insects (mainly bees, wasps, etc.) and so I flip out, deciding how to kill it. A minute later, I get the courage and strike it with a shovel and the fucker doesn't die. So it's sitting in a position now where I cannot hit it with the shovel without me missing and it attacking me.
So I decide to grab some truck lubricant (flammable) and a torch-like thingy. I spray a piece of wood with the spray and it doesn't light still, barely but not enough. I wanted to spray the bee, and touch it with the piece of wood and *poof*, flaming bee. But NOOOO. I tried to continue with that plan, so I spray the bee. It waddles a bit, so I spray it more. It nearly falls off, so I blast the thing at him and he hits the ground. I smack him with my mom's gigantic shoe (thing weighs a ton). After that I knew that son of a bitch would come back to haunt me, so I cremated him. Except for throwing away the ashes. I just lit him on fire, smacked him again, put leaves on him, sprayed the leaves, lit them on fire and then stepped on him.
Another day... two bees killed, I guess.
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