I recently received the four RT comic books, compliments of Geoff.
They are hilarious, and the RT staff is absolutely marvelous, but that's not the reason I mention them. I simply don't want people to think that I function beyond the Autonomic Nervous System: I got the RT comic books, which prompted me to write a journal. In that sense, I am very much like a zombie, or those Farside amoeba.
Whatever constituency I had is gone, so I can now write as carelessly as I like. Some may say "Haven't you been doing that all along?", to which I reply with the finger.
I'd like to say a few words about my life for the past few months:
And that's all I have to say about that.
Just to give you an idea of how sporadically populated Australia is, My family was driving to [insert ridiculous name of town here, like "Woolamaloo"] from Sydney. We passed a sign which had only this written on it:
Next city: Melbourne 1009 Kilometers
Australia, Ladies & gentlemen. You know when you're driving on a highway in the states, there will always
be a rest-stop located every 5 miles, open no matter the time of night? Well, we drove for about two and a half hours, and there was nothing, unless you count this massive concrete monument which had the sign "Rest stop" on it, which you shouldn't. I think it was the Australian version of a joke.
There was another stop that said "Lookout" on it, but we couldn't tell if this was a warning or a tourist attraction, as the stop was actually a sheer drop off a cliff.
The road had a number of inappropriate signs. For instance: STOP REVIVE SURVIVE, around which several '58 Edsel Bermudas were always clustered, complete with family of skeletons.
Seriously, if you run out of gas outside one of the four major cities in Australia, you're dead. Of course, you're also dead if you run out of gas within the major cities, probably due to a spider or Blue-ringed Octopus bite. Did you know those things can survive long periods on land?
There were also signs featuring crudely-drawn pictures of deer. "Ha ha!", I scoffed," There are no deer in Australia!", to which my father responded with a muffled WHUMP! sound as the car swerved very quickly into the natural forest barriers on the side of the road in an effort to avoid hitting a massive stag who had been doing what deer do best.
Apparently there are deer in Australia, though "God only knows" how they got here. The Australians certainly don't.
The place we were going played host to a number of peacocks, which was also pretty weird. They can fly, because they were roosting in the trees when we got there. That, or the managers had nailed them to their perches. Also, you have never been crapped on unless you've been crapped on by a peacock. It's like getting a watermelon dropped on you from the Empire State Building,only it smells worse and is nearly impossible to get out no matter how many cycles you put it through.
This just in from Thijsbos: Australia.
On an entirely different subject, 'Rome:Total War'. I can't believe I wasted my entire life playing 'Civilization' and 'Age of Empires' when I could've been playing a game that combines the best elements of both. However, as is the case with nearly everything, I suck at it.
The game is very educational. For instance, I now know never to charge a phalanx head-on no matter how much I may outnumber my enemies. The next time I encounter a phalanx in real life, I shall be sure to flank it.
I have also [on several occasions] managed to lose an army more than three times the size of my opponents' by allowing them to get surrounded and destroyed my largest army with its own siege equipment.
Tactical idiot though I may be, I'd like to reassure you all that my primary failings are in the real world.
For instance, my IT course. I had to write a program in which I bred a colony of cockroaches and then sprayed them with poison [This is what Australians learn to do. Another program involved making an ambulance go fast enough to get a man who'd been bitten by a blue-ringed octopus to the hospital before he died, with methods including the ability for constant CPR].
The power of the spray was represented by a decimal number [ e.g 0.1 killed 10% of the colony]. However, no matter how many times I sprayed them, the result was the same, because, BEING an idiot, I couldn't figure out how to spray the colony I'd already sprayed, and just kept spraying the original variable. This made for a very realistic program, but I still failed, as is my wont.
And to end on a more positive note:
But seriously, folks.
These comics are great.
Geoff, Griffon & Matt are awesome.
And so is the rest of RT.