Cruff1987

Male
from Commerce, GA

  • Activity

    • Dear you

      9 years ago

      Cruff1987

      I guess that I can live without you. but without you I'll be miserable at best.

    • O.o

      9 years ago

      Cruff1987

      so i just found out my friend jumped out of his moms car.... while she was driving. I'm glad all my friends are just as crazy as me, it makes me feel normal.

    • 1 week

      9 years ago

      Cruff1987

      well, i've gone a week without saying a word to her. the thing is. i still like her, i hate myself for liking her like this, i want her to be a friend and nothing more. i FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR THIS CRAP!!!!

    • ....

      9 years ago

      Cruff1987

      so it's been only 2 days since i stopped talking to her. i want to do stuff to myself. i HATE this feeling more than i hate liking her. i can't listen to any Taylor swift without thinking of her. if i listen to boys like girls i think of her little sister and then of her. Rob Thomas and matchbox twenty, i think of her brother and then of her. I'm praying that i get over this soon, i don't want to like her anymore, i just want her to be my friend but i know if i talk to her now I'll just go back to feeling so strong about her. FUCK!

    • Letting go.

      9 years ago

      Cruff1987

      I think I'm ready to let you go. but just to be safe, I'm not gonna talk to you unless i have to, i don't want these feelings to get any stronger. I hate that i can't talk to you, you made my day better all the time but you also gave me hope that i could have something way out of my reach and I've finally seen that it's not true. So, maybe someday you'll read this, just know I'm trying to finally get you in my head as a sister and nothing more.

      but i need to make sure you'll never get out of that zone. i couldn't handle this again. I couldn't handle thinking we could be anything more than what we really are. I love you, and I'm sorry i feel this way about you, i don't like it anymore. i don't like that your smile is the prettiest thing I've ever seen, i don't like the way i see you anymore. I hate myself for putting hope into something that will never be.

      We used to say "forever and always" and I'll never give that up. i just need to permanently see you as nothing more than a sister or a friend. So for now, this is goodbye, but not forever. someday i'll be back and i pray that on that day and everyday after that, I see you as just a friend and not the beautiful person i see you as now.

    • Trying not to.

      9 years ago

      Cruff1987

      Trying not to have these feelings for you is like:

      Trying to turn around on a one way street
      Trying to make the world spin in the other direction
      Trying to read a book with no pages
      Trying to swim across the ocean and back again

      Why can't i just give up on you? Why can't I stop feeling this way about you? I don't want to feel this way about someone that will never feel the same way. You deserve to be happy and you wouldn't be happy with me. All i wanted to do Saturday night was take you where no one would be and see what one kiss would do. To see if it would feel like anything more than a friendship. I've dreamed of it being so much more, but they are only dreams, stuck in my head forever. i don't like this feeling anymore. feeling like i've never felt for anyone ever before but knowing it's all for nothing. I don't know what to do anymore.

    • what the eff is wrong with me!

      9 years ago

      Cruff1987

      seriously. i'm girl crazy AND IT'S JUST ONE GIRL! i don't really have feelings for any other girl i meet, THAT'S INSANE! i don't have a chance at all with this girl, but yet i keep making myself believe i do. every time i talk to her i think "yep, she's the one" BUT SHE ISN'T GONNA BE! I'm going crazy and i'm enjoying it WAY to much.

    • changing

      9 years ago

      Cruff1987

      most the people I've talked to have told me that i shouldn't change for someone, that if she can't accept me for who i am than it's not meant to be.but in truth, i hate myself, even before i knew this girl i hated myself, i was paranoid and selfish, i was an egotistical jerk that didn't care about other people. This change is good for me, i'm doing this for multiple reasons, and yea the main one is for a girl, cause i know what makes me happy, i know what makes me want to wake up in the morning, it's her and only her. so say what you want, but it's either change or stay the way i am, and if i stay the same, than nothing good will happen, i'll be sad and lonely and i'll keep messing up my friendships and relationships with the people around me, i'm tired of it, i want to be happy.

      i know that when it comes to this girl, no matter what i do, only she can be the one that makes up her mind about me, she doesn't like me the way i am, and only she can decide if she likes the new me. but the thing is, i have confidence, i have confidence that when all this is over, when i'm a new person, when i'm closer to god and his son, when i can go a single day without fighting with someone, that when all is said and done. I'm gonna get the girl. :)

    • is it possible?

      9 years ago

      Cruff1987

      i've always wanted to change, to not be known as "the quiet fat guy" or to be "that guy that doesn't have any friends" but the one that hurt the most growing up was "the guy that doesn't have a girlfriend".

      So, is it possible that you're gods way of motivating me to change? I've always made my statuses on facebook hint towards liking you and I've made numerous notes on facebook about how YOU have made me see that i need to change, that when i don't think someone cares about me how, in reality, they really do. it's always been you, you've been the one that put up with my crap and never left me, you were always there to talk me out of something crazy and stupid. so maybe you're gods way of motivating me to change, maybe he's saying "change and see what i have in store for you" can it really be that simple, can it really be that easy, all the pain and torture I've gone through, can it really be because this is the only way he can get me to do a complete 180 and change who everyone in the world thinks i am?

      can it change how my best friend sees me? can it change the fact that i messed up the relationship i had with someone that was more of a mom to me than anyone else? but most importantly, can it change how YOU see me, i want to be more than just friends, i want to be your anything, but you have to want to be mine too, i know i asked you months ago how you felt about me, and i remember you saying "i don't see you that way." but what if you were meant to change me, to show me what i can accomplish with my life, what if i become someone different, a better me, a me that people can stand to be around, a me that people will want to hang out with. But most importantly, a me that you will want to be with.

      i guess this is where my curiosity really comes in handy. can i change and become a person that you want to be more than friends with, and that people will like to be around?

      There's only one way to find out. ;)

    • i'm trapped

      9 years ago

      Cruff1987

      i'm trapped, you'll never feel the same way that i feel about you, i know i told you i was over those feelings, and i was for awhile, but they came back, they always come back. i can't get it in my head that we won't ever be anymore than friends, i've never had this problem before. I like a girl, she doesn't like me, i feel like crap for a day or two but then i get over it. WHY can't i just do that with you?

      i've asked, i even BEGGED god to take these feelings for you out of me, but he won't and i'm stuck with them. i can't keep going around pretending that your smile isn't the only thing i want to see for the rest of my life, cause it is. i can't pretend that i don't want you to be with me and only me, cause i know that i'll be faithful to you. i don't know what to do about this anymore, if i stop talking to you i feel empty inside, like a part of me is gone, i know i don't see you that much but when i do, my world slows down and everyone disappears, it's just me and you in an endless space that we have all to ourselves.

      HOW do i move on? HOW do i get it drilled in my head that i will NEVER be the one for you?

  • About Me

  • Comments (12)

    • Nitrostreak

      9 years ago

      ... No offense, but I really don't wanna know what the girl in your room said...

    • Nitrostreak

      9 years ago

      Uhm.
      What?

    • Nitrostreak

      9 years ago

      HAH!

    • Nitrostreak

      9 years ago

      I would if it was true...

    • Nitrostreak

      9 years ago

      >_>

    • Nitrostreak

      9 years ago

      <_<

    • Nitrostreak

      9 years ago

      A green car? O_o

    • Nitrostreak

      9 years ago

      *squeals, dies, and goes to play glorious old school madness for hours*

    • Nitrostreak

      9 years ago

      Because it is oldschool and therefore made of win.
      I want it.

    • Nitrostreak

      9 years ago

      ... I need that game.
      Old school FOR THE WIN!
      Why would you NOT want to be on a FARM with a T-REX stepping on a SPACE SHUTTLE?!
      Srsly...

    • Nitrostreak

      9 years ago

      lol xD

    • jetsteam101 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      9 years ago

      Pist! Do you like sifi RPs?

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