DesertEagle1

Male
from Memphis, TN

  • Activity

    • Chuck Norris Jokes

      13 years ago

      DesertEagle1

      Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke
      the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while
      she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

      Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

      Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
      unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
      finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
      soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
      admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every
      second Wednesday of the month.

      Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
      beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

      To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
      smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different
      kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30
      minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

      After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
      Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was
      more "humane".

      If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
      Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

      Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people
      dead.

      Chuck Norris never misspells a word. If he does, he simply changes the
      spelling.

      Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every
      popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on their floor,
      just because he's Chuck Norris.

      Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from
      "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of
      Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

      The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

      Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have
      a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in
      every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the **** out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.

      Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can
      "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.

      One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler
      did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by
      Chuck Norris.

      Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact
      change.

      Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just
      bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly
      says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in
      the face.

      Takeru Kobayashi ate 50 and a half hotdogs in 12 minutes. Chuck Norris ate 12 asian babies in 50 and a half minutes. Chuck Norris won.

      Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could
      chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't !&$% with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

      In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for
      one scene and nobody noticed.

      Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked
      her into a glacier.

      Chuck requested he be allowed to bone Christie Brinkley after ever total gym infomercial and she agreed!

      12 More Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris
      1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
      2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles".
      Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he
      exploded.
      3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
      decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
      he grew a beard.
      4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
      JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
      beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
      5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
      Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and
      starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
      drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far
      too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
      6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift
      of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
      jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined
      influence
      to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
      roundhouse kick related deaths.
      7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
      yelling, "Bang!"
      8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
      cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
      requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on
      his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
      9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
      saying "booya".
      10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is
      injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer.
      This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt
      to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
      11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
      12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck
      said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came
      back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he
      threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with
      cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her
      a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

    • Over

      13 years ago

      DesertEagle1

      Sir_Nick won 16 mods in my 1st ever deal or no deal. I am saving up for another round of Deal or No Deal.

      I have 17 mods and I need 20 mods

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    • DEAL OR NO DEAL

      13 years ago

      DesertEagle1

      Sir_Nick is now in Deal or no Deal.
      If you do not know how to play PM me.
      Pick 1 case to start off.
      The people who see this can help you by saying Deal or No Deal in this journal
      START NOW:
      1st case 2nd case 3rd case

      4th case 5th case 6th case

      7th case 8th case 9th case

      10th case 11th case 12th case

      13th case 14th case 15th case

      16th case 17th case 18th case

      19th case 20th case

      Mods gone
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    • DEAL OR NO DEAL

      13 years ago

      DesertEagle1

      Sir_Nick is now in Deal or no Deal.
      If you do not know how to play PM me.
      Pick 1 case to start off.
      The people who see this can help you by saying Deal or No Deal in this journal
      START NOW:
      1st case 2nd case 3rd case

      4th case 5th case 6th case

      7th case 8th case 9th case

      10th case 11th case 12th case

      13th case 14th case 15th case

      16th case 17th case 18th case

      19th case 20th case

    • Deal or no Deal

      13 years ago

      DesertEagle1

      i_hate_pervs cannot do the contest, so the 1st person to post here saying im in, is in the contest.

    • Deal or no Deal

      13 years ago

      DesertEagle1

      This is for people with kind of low karma. I am ready for this as soon as i_hate_pervs gets on. There will be 20 cases that he can open, hoping for the 20 mods. I have sheets of paper laying face down in front of me, so I don't even know what there is. He knows how to play know, and when he gets on, we will start. If he is not on to do this on Friday, I will pick someone else.

      1st case 2nd case 3rd case

      4th case 5th case 6th case

      7th case 8th case 9th case

      10th case 11th case 12th case

      13th case 14th case 15th case

      16th case 17th case 18th case

      19th case 20th case

    • Deal or no Deal

      13 years ago

      DesertEagle1

      Most of you have heard of Deal or no Deal on NBC. As soon as I get 20 mods, I will do Deal or no Deal for the person who first posts in this journal. You can only win, and it is luck so it doesn't matter how popular you are.

      When this starts, everything will be posted in a journal that I will put up later.
      Of course, only one person can do this so if you see that someone has already posted here saying they are in, don't post again.
      This is an easy way to win mods for the people who are a little poor in mods.
      ONLY I know where the big mods are, so don't ask anybody. You can ask if you should say deal or no deal.


      I have 20 mods and im ready to go as soon as i_hate pervs is online.

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    • YAY!!!!!

      13 years ago

      DesertEagle1

      Summer vacation is almost here and I want out of school. I am a straight A student so I won't be held in summer school smiley0.gif .

      If you want a tomato, please PM me and say that you want one. Ask for evil or nice. Nothing specific. 19 tomatoes made and whoever gets the 20th tomato will be modded 10 times. I just made my 20th tomato to Missqual. She gets 10 mods smiley0.gifsmiley0.gifsmiley0.gif .

      Forget the retarded contest I am holding, I just don't want to have it anymore if no one guesses smiley5.gif . The answer was Andorra. No one got close to the answer.

      The 1, 6, 7, and 13 comment in this journal get a mod. If you already got a mod from this, don't try for the other mods.This will prove to me if you all are good watchers.

      THE APRIL FOOL
      Last year on April Fools Day, I put a bucket of Easter eggs on top of the room I share with my brother. It had grass and everything in it, but I didn't make it, so where it would fall and be caught by string. I told my brother that I had something cool to show him, he came up to the room soaking wet (my brother put a strong rubber band on that thing that squirts water by the sink and it got him) and opened the door. Everything in the basket fell on him, including the basket. I had to pick it all up, but it was funny.

      I found this movie cover. It fits me perfectly
      Movie_dvd_cover_attack_of_the_killer_tom

      85% away from 37
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    • Never Mind

      13 years ago

      DesertEagle1

      The pictures screwed up smiley4.gifsmiley4.gif . So I will be using the only text that didn't screw up.

      Can you people vote for me in 4piesRsquare's contest. Thanks. smiley1.gif

      I am still making the tomatoes. Only 14 made and I'm sort of angry smiley5.gif in a wierd way. Please ask for a tomato.

      My country contest is still going on in previous journal.(im too lazy to put link)

      100% away from 37 smiley0.gifsmiley0.gifsmiley0.gif

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    • Roosterteeth Videos Elimination

      in Forums > Roosterteeth Videos Elimination | Follow this topic

      DesertEagle1

      No neg-modding for no reason.
      Just put +1 or -1 to deduct or add.
      Post every 1 hour
      I will start off...

      Panics-29 -
      The Strangerhood-30
      Red Vs Blue-31+

      Post edited 3/31/06 8:48PM

      16 replies

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