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from FL

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    • Ever wonder why.....?

      10 years ago

      DrunkenToast

      If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kitty litter?

      If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

      If you take an Asian person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

      Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

      What do chickens think we taste like?

      What do people in China call their good plates?

      What do you call a male ladybug?

      What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

      When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

      Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

      Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

      Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

      Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

      Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

      Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

      Why are there Interstates in Hawaii?

      Why are there flotation devices in the seats of planes instead of parachutes?

      Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations where smoking is prohibited?

      Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations?

      How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?

      If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it have locks on the door?

      Why is a bra singular and panties plural?

      You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
      Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

      If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?

      If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?

      If a cow laughs, does milk come out of her nose?

      If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

      Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM?

      Why is it that when you transport something by car it is called a
      shipment but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?

      Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

      What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?

      Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

      If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

      If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

    • What's next!?

      10 years ago

      DrunkenToast

      Have you seen these new cell phones that charge themselves!?
      null-334319196-1245171957_thumb.jpg?ym1T
      They apparently take ambient electronic waves floating around in the air and convert them into usable energy. I wonder what they'll do next with this tech. When do you think the'll be able to harness EMF's from thunderstorms and the like?

    • ugliest car ever

      10 years ago

      DrunkenToast

      Nissan_Cube_Exterior.jpg
      Nissan%20Cube%20side%20rear555.jpg
      This is the bullshit we get when rival companies can't compete anymore. Whats sad is i've already seen one of these fugly things driving down the road yesterday. They flatout tell you how unorignal they are with the name of the car. Its the fecking CUBE. Why not just call all cars by their general shape? Pretty soon they sell something called a Rombus, or a Pyramid. How about a 2011 Sphere? Its our own fault really, well your fault, I still buy American.
      store_flag_bowtie_left_image.jpg
      Because of the success of the Scions,
      brs_autodesign_scion_xb.jpg
      and their almost identical shape to the Honda Element
      honda_element.jpg
      We are going to see a lot more of these boring ass designs. If I wanted a boxy car, I would go all out.
      image019.jpg
      The design design does remind me of a much more popular vehichle
      truck.jpg
      Am I getting through to any of you yet? My point is simple, until we all start thinking for ourselves, we will continue to be sold sub-par products with half-assed designs
      10r8o0g.jpg
      Do you get my point?

    • Crash!?

      in Forums > Crash!? | Follow this topic

      DrunkenToast

      Does this game make anyone else's system crash, or should I be more concerned? It'll work fine for a while then suddenly turn the screen a solid color (yellow for example) or pattern (stripes). Not even a black screen or a freeze, just color/pattern. What's up with that? smiley2.gif

      1 reply

    • You all must read this

      10 years ago

      DrunkenToast

      This made me laugh till I cried.

    • I got this in an E-mail

      10 years ago

      DrunkenToast

      April 17, 2009

      The White House
      1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
      Washington, DC 20500



      Mr. Obama:



      I have had it with you and your administration, sir. Your conduct on your recent trip overseas has convinced me that you are not an adequate representative of the United States of America collectively or of me personally.

      You are so obsessed with appeasing the Europeans and the Muslim world that you have abdicated the responsibilities of the President of the United States of America . You are responsible to the citizens of the United States . You are not responsible to the peoples of any other country on earth.



      I personally resent that you go around the world apologizing for the United States telling Europeans that we are arrogant and do not care about their status in the world. Sir, what do you think the First World War and the Second World War were all about if not the consideration of the peoples of Europe ? Are you brain dead? What do you think the Marshall Plan was all about? Do you not understand or know the history of the 20thcentury?

      Where do you get off telling a Muslim country that the United States does not consider itself a Christian country? Have you not read the Declaration of Independence or the Constitution of the United States ? This country was founded on Judeo-Christian ethics and the principles governing this country, at least until you came along, come directly from this heritage. Do you not understand this?



      Your bowing to the king of Saudi Arabia is an affront to all Americans. Our President does not bow down to anyone, let alone the king of Saudi Arabia . You don’t show Great Britain , our best and one of our oldest allies, the respect they deserve yet you bow down to the king of Saudi Arabia . How dare you, sir! How dare you!

      You can’t find the time to visit the graves of our greatest generation because you don’t want to offend the Germans but make time to visit a mosque in Turkey . You offended our dead and every veteran when you give the Germans more respect than the people who saved the German people from themselves. What’s the matter with you?



      I am convinced that you and the members of your administration have the historical and intellectual depth of a mud puddle and should be ashamed of yourselves, all of you.



      You are so self-righteously offended by the big bankers and the American automo bile manufacturers yet do nothing about the real thieves in this situation, Mr. Dodd, Mr. Frank, Franklin Raines, Jamie Gorelic, the Fannie Mae bonuses, and the Freddie Mac bonuses. What do you intend to do about them? Anything? I seriously doubt it.



      What about the U.S. House members passing out $9.1 million in bonuses to their staff members â€" on top of the $2.5 million in automatic pay raises that lawmakers gave themselves? I understand the average House aide got a 17% bonus. I took a 5% cut in my pay to save jobs with my employer. You haven’t said anything about that. Who authorized that? I surely didn’t!



      Executives at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac will be receiving $210 million in bonuses over an eighteen-month period, that's $45 million more than the AIG bonuses. In fact, Fannie and Freddie executives have already been awarded $51 million â€" not a bad take. Who authorized that and why haven’t you expressed your outrage at this group who are largely responsible for the economic mess we have right now.



      I resent that you take me and my fellow citizens as brain-dead and not caring about what you idiots do. We are watching what you are doing and we are getting increasingly fed up with all of you. I also want you to know that I personally find just about everything you do and say to be offensive to every one of my sensibilities. I promise you that I will work tirelessly to see that you do not get a chance to spend two terms destroying my beautiful country.



      Sincerely,



      Every real American

    • Gay Fish, Gay Fish!!

      10 years ago

      DrunkenToast

      West Says 'South Park'
      Put Him in Check
      Last Edited: Friday, 10 Apr 2009, 11:15 PM EDT
      Created On: Friday, 10 Apr 2009, 11:15 PM EDT

      By NEKESA MUMBI MOODY, AP Music Writer
      NEW YORK - "South Park" may have accomplished the impossible -- getting Kanye West to check his ego.

      The Comedy Central show skewered the famously self-important rapper on its show Wednesday night, painting him as a narcissistic figure so out of touch with reality he couldn't even take a (very politically incorrect) joke.

      West's love of himself and his work has been almost as integral to his image as his music: Just last year, he told The Associated Press that he was the "voice of this generation." Also recently, he was quoted as saying his greatest regret was not being able to see himself perform live.

      Yet, on his blog Thursday, West appeared chastened, and ready to turn over a new leaf.

      In typical all-caps mode, he wrote: "SOUTH PARK MURDERED ME LAST NIGHT AND IT'S PRETTY FUNNY. IT HURTS MY FEELINGS BUT WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT FROM SOUTH PARK! I ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN WORKING ON MY EGO THOUGH. HAVING THE CRAZY EGO IS PLAYED OUT IN MY LIFE AND CAREER."

      West said that he started stroking his ego long ago to build up his self esteem -- but he now realizes he needs to "GET PAST MYSELF."

      In the self-reflective post, he said that people won't take him seriously if he keeps it up (perhaps referring to his well-documented meltdowns at awards shows when he didn't win what he expected).

      "I JUST WANT TO BE A DOPER PERSON WHICH STARTS WITH ME NOT ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE HOW DOPE I THINK I AM," he said.

      And perhaps to show that he's really serious about making that change, he provided a link to one of the most biting moments from the "South Park" show, and thanked the writers as well.



      *taken from www.myfoxtampabay.com*

    • I Don't Care

      10 years ago

      DrunkenToast

      HURRAY FOR THE LADY WHO WROTE THIS LETTER, WE ALL THINK THE SAME BUT HAVE NO GUTS TO PUT IN THE PRESS , GOD BLESS HER AND HER GUTS .

      This was written by a Canadian woman, but oh how it also applies to the U.S. , U.K. and Australia.


      THIS ONE PACKS A FIRM PUNCH


      Written by a housewife in New Brunswick , to her local newspaper. This is one ticked off lady.

      'Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001 and have continually threatened to do so since?

      Were people from all over the world, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan , across the Potomac from the nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania ?

      Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't they?

      And I'm supposed to care that a few Taliban were claiming to be tortured by a justice system of the nation they come from and are fighting against in a brutal insurgency.

      I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11.

      I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere belief of which is a crime punishable by beheading in Afghanistan .

      I'll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat.

      I'll care when the cowardly so-called 'insurgents' in Afghanistan come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.

      I'll care when the mindless zealots who blows themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs.

      I'll care when the Canadian media stops pretending that their freedom of speech on stories is more important than the lives of the soldiers on the ground or their families waiting a home to hear about them when something happens.

      In the meantime, when I hear a story about a CANADIAN soldier roughing up an Insurgent terrorist to obtain information, know this:

      I don't care.

      When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank .

      I don't care.

      When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed 'special' food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being 'mishandled,' you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts:

      I don't care.

      And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled 'Koran' and other times 'Quran.' Well, Jimmy Crack Corn you guessed it,

      I don't care!!

      If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your E-mail friends. Sooner or later, it'll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behaviour!

      If you don't agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don't complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great Country! And may I add:

      'Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Soldiers don't have that problem.'

    • Slightlywarped.com jokes

      10 years ago

      DrunkenToast

      QUICK JOKE #1

      A body builder picks up a blonde at a bar and takes her home with him. He takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have."

      The body builder tells her, "That's 100 pounds of dynamite, baby."

      He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you have."

      The body builder tells her, "That's 100 pounds of dynamite, baby."

      He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.

      The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

      The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was."

      QUICK JOKE #2

      A Post Office worker at the main sorting office finds an unstamped, poorly hand-written envelope addressed to God. He opens it and discovers it is from an elderly lady, distressed because some thief robbed her of 100 dollars. She will be cold and hungry for the rest of the month if she doesn't receive some divine intervention.

      The worker organizes a collection amongst the other postal workers, who dig deep and come up with 96 dollars. They get it to her by special courier the same morning.

      A week later, the same postal worker recognizes the same hand on another envelope. He opens it and reads: "Dear God, Thank you for the 100 dollars. This month would have been so bleak otherwise. P.S. It was four dollars short but that was probably those thieving motherfuckers at the Post Office".

      QUICK JOKE #3

      A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

      Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."

      The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word fascinate."

      Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."

      The teacher said, "Good, but I really wanted the word fascinate."

      Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word fascinate" so she called on him.

      Little Johnny said, "My sisters sweater has 10 buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten 8."

    • A lesson in socialism.

      10 years ago

      DrunkenToast

      An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed a single student before but had, once, failed an entire class. The class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said ok, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism.


      All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A. After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied
      little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too; so they studied little.. The second Test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around the average was an F.

      The scores never increased as bickering, blame, name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for anyone else. All failed to their great surprise and the professor told them that socialism would ultimately fail because the harder to succeed the greater the reward but when a government takes all the reward away; no one will try or succeed.

      Believe it or not, we are headed this way.

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