9 years agoELEET
A guy goes into a bar and there is a robot bartender. The robot says, Ã¢â‚¬Å“What will you have?Ã¢â‚¬Â The guy says Ã¢â‚¬Å“Martini.Ã¢â‚¬Â The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, Ã¢â‚¬Å“WhatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s your IQ?Ã¢â‚¬Â The guy says, Ã¢â‚¬Å“168.Ã¢â‚¬Â The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini". Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says, "So... you people still happy you voted for Obama?"
That about sums it up....
10 years agoELEET
You Know You're from New Jersey When...
...you recognize or can relate to at least 10 of these:
* You've been seriously injured at Action Park.
* You know that the only people who call it "Joisey" are from New York (usually The Bronx) or Texas.
* You don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges."
* You know that it's called "Great Adventure," not "Six Flags."
* You've ordered a hard roll with butter for breakfast.
* You've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.
* You've eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 am.
* Whenever you park, there's a Camaro within three spots of you.
* You remember that the "Two Guys" were from Harrison.
* You know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.
* At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know what town Jon Bon Jovi is from.
* You know what a "jug handle" is.
* You know that a WaWa is a convenience store.
* You know that the state isn't all farmland.
* You know that there are no "beaches" in new Jersey - there's "The Shore," and you know that the road to the shore is "The Parkway" not "The Garden State Highway."
* You know that "Piney" isn't referring to a tree.
* Even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs, and, you call it a "sub" not a "submarine sandwich" or worse yet, a "hoagy" or a "hero."
* You remember the song from the Palisades Park commercials.
* You know how to properly negotiate a Circle.
* You knew that the last question had to do with driving.
* You know that "Acme" is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros creation.
* You know that this is the only "New..." state that doesn't require "New" to identify it (like, try ...Mexico, ...York, ...Hampshire (doesn't work, does it?).
* You know how to translate this conversation: "Jeet yet?" "No, Jew?"
* You only go to New York City for day trips, and you only call it "The City."
* You know that a "White Castle" is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich.
* You consider a corned beef sandwich with lettuce and mayo a sacrilege.
* In the 80's you wore your hair REALLY high.
* You don't think "What exit" (do you live near?) is very funny.
* You know that the real first "strip shopping center" in the country is Route 22.
* You know that people from 609 area code are "a little different."
* You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton - that's for out-of-staters.
* The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.
* You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.
* You can see the Manhattan skyline from some part of your town.
* You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.
* Every year, you had at least one kid in your class named Tony.
* You know where every "clip" shown in the Sopranos opening credits is.
* You've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook Mall.
* You've eaten a Boardwalk cheesesteak with vinegar fries.
* You have a favorite Atlantic City casino.
* You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.
* And finally...
* You've never pumped your own gas.
10 years agoELEET
Depending on who you are or the Government, my birthday could be celebrated either today March 1 or yesterday February 28 or sometime in between.
I myself will celebrate all weekend since I am now 6.25 yrs old and proud of it and can now rent a car!!!
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