Esbat

Male
from South Texas

  • Activity

    • oh yeah...

      12 years ago

      Esbat

      Where was I when Billy Corgan went and rebuilt the Smashing Pumpkins.

      ...

      I had to hear this from my baby sister. smiley4.gif

    • Movies movies movies

      12 years ago

      Esbat

      Since my Mom has gotten better I've had to stick around the house alot less and thus first thing I did was go see a buttload of movies.

      ...

      Last ones I saw were 300 and Ghost Rider.

      ...

      Spider-Man 3, Live Free or Die Hard, and Transformers just made my summer.

      ...

      I also, since I can't really go figure hunt at weird hours of the day/night, been shopping online alot... gotta love them coupon codes. I'm just currently awaiting the The Transformers Deluxe Arcee Movie Figure... yes... the 1 girl transformer that didn't make the movie.

      ...

      What? She was gonna be in the movie until they decided they didn't want to have to explain Transformers Naughty Bits to kids.

      ...

      Anywho I see not much has changed around here. I still gotta find some time to call so of ya'll.

      ...

      I been wobbling a bit in my faith the last few days until I realized I always been wobbly and now I've gotta be adamant about being obedient. Its alot clearer now.

      ...

      Oh yeah and a few months back the Financial Aid office said I couldn't expect to get any aid this year. Just the other day I got a letter saying I'm getting 5200 in combined grants and a loan.

      ...

      ANything is possible with God. Now with School covered that just leaves 1 last thing to be made right and I don't care how dire it looks at the moment its gonna be made right and I'm gonna have an awesome Christmas. Thank God.

    • Shorter shift = more online time

      12 years ago

      Esbat

      So I finally got to spend a good amount of online time yesterday and today.

      ...

      So far I just been surfing around and downloading videos for my PSP.

      ...

      Its just been a surreal time. I actually had to deal with mortality in my life. My mom coulda passed away during surgery and its just hitting me. Oy.

      ...

      Glad she's recovering well. She's not spending so much time in bed anymore.

      ...

      Everyone at work, who isn't a certain Boss, has been so nice an kind recently about the whole surgery deal. I went from 3 to 17 absences in 5 weeks. Its crazy.

      ...

      Nowadays I just take care of the house and my mom while my dad and sisters are busy.

      ...

      Never realized how little of a social life I had until I disappeared from the 'net.

      ...

      I do miss talking for hours on aim but I realize that as much as I'd get to talk to people I was still miles and miles away and making so many mistakes.

      ...

      Good news is God is totally helping me not be so sad and lonely. I spend alot of time reading the Bible. I'm already on my 6th time through the New Testament and its more than just a bunch of words on a page as I used to believe.

      ...

      I got ya'll in my prayers, ya hippies.

      ...

      And I'll give you call soon Steff... figured you're busy bunches with your jobs and all, but I will call.

    • First weekend in a long while

      12 years ago

      Esbat

      Been puttering around the house taking care of my mom. Feeding her and the cats at the same time, which is kinda odd.

      ...

      Been working out and I think i picked a hobbie to fill my time when I'm not working or playing nurse... in the non-sexualized way *Shudders at thought of himself in nurses uniform*

      ...

      Anyways I hope everyone is doing well, once I get my fin aid cleared I'll feel alot better as I get ready for another go at this "college" everyone is so keen on going to and getting drunk at.

      ...

      Work kinda sucks these days as everything that was cool about it, lots of overtime and good people to support you, is gone. Its also kinda weird to have my own trainees being promoted over me ... 6 of them to be exact. I'm proud of them 'cause I know they'll do well, but due to life as I know it, I'm unable to have the time or transportation to take on any extra responsiblity.

      ...

      I miss my truck. But its our only vehicle and pop's gotta get to work somehow.

      ...

      Overall I've gotten alot closer to God since my birthday. I'm surprised by how short a time its been since I gave in, but only in this last week have I truly accepted my place in everything. I don't have to be afraid anymore and everything seems to be alot easier.

      ...

      Its kinda crazy to be able to ask outloud to seemingly the wind for something and for it to come to pass. Right now he's telling me to finish school and just take care of my family. Everything else comes second.

      ...

      I'm praying for something really big right now, and it seems the whole world is against me on this but I know not to worry, no more "feelings of Impending doom" in my chest anymore. No more stress. I was a little sad by what I learned but no biggie. God will fix things.

    • Just stopping in to say Hey

      12 years ago

      Esbat

      A few things:

      1) Its hot.

      2) Been taking care of my mom since her back surgery on Jun 6th and had to cut my hours at work.

      3) Glad to see I'm still on a few friends lists.

      TTY all when I get a chance.

    • Router War

      12 years ago

      Esbat

      Okay so I finally try to get online for a bit and I'm scudded by my router. I'd take it for a sign but I think its just another thing in this world trying to keep me down. I'm just happy that the internet works on at least 1 computer in the house so my sisters have it for school and I got it to do taxes and being able to use it to figure out what went wrong with the router. Today was my first day off in a long while.

      I been basically making myself busy to keep my mind off things. Pulling 10-12 hour shifts has been helping to store up more to pay for another semester, my last semester I hope, so I can get my degree and get a real job. As much as I dig training people to be abused by strangers on the phone, I want to do something that has a real affect on people's lives.

      I'm looking into working for FEMA. I figure once the world goes to pot they'll be keeping america all put together as best they can. Thus I'll still have a job while other people will be milling about like cattle with their useless degrees and totally superfluous job training/experience. Its a sad reality.

      Anywho, I'm being told taxes are due on the 15th or on the 16th so I'm just gonna get it postmarked tomorrow... somehow.

      Also note I'm hiding from work. I been dodging calls all day on the home and cell. It seems I'm the only person (sucker) who doesn't always ditch work for repeated sudden "emergencies". I know I'm single and have no "responsibility" but God bless it, I'm punctual and I take my job seriously. If you can't handle the stress or have too many "vacation plans" then look for another job.

      Oy.

      Wow this has been a downer.

      Guess its just the howling wind and the smell of rotting mullberries squished by the neighborhood kids getting to me.

      I notice I wish I had more time in the day to read and study but the compulsion to keep busy is unavoidable. (Read and Study = Bible, fyi)

      If anyone wants to keep in touch hit me up in PM for my cell and home numbers. I do try and keep in touch with the few that do have my contacts but I'm usually trying to call people when they're asleep or working or right before bed. I'll try to be a bit more considerate in the future.

      I love you all.

      I'm still praying for the lot of you... Especially Joe and Lyndel for some reason. I'm sure it'll come to me why soon enough. And yes that includes you Gary, ya lil heathen.

      You proly won't read this Jess but you're up there with Joe and Lyn, kitten. I won't stop.

    • Stoppin' by to say Hi

      12 years ago

      Esbat

      Workin' on my taxes online and apparently the router box is shot or something so i'm doing this from the living room computer. Sadly all my neglect of its maintenance is slowing things up. *note to self: staying off the internet doesn't necessarily mean to keep off computers in general... i feel like caveman on this thing*

    • Update

      12 years ago

      Esbat

      It has been very hard keeping from being distracted but I'm pulling through. It seems the more I change the more the people at work want me to go back to my old ways. I'm tired of the gossip and politics of the Call Center. I think I'll reduce my hours and just focus on getting back into school for the Summer and Winter sessions to finish my degree.

      I'm definitely growing a lot stronger. Funny how when I thought that I was nothing and worthless people seemed to put all their troubles on me. I made everyone else so important. But now I focus on myself and growing stronger and every thinks I'm treating them like dirt.

      I'm not judging anyone. I just simply believe they can be and do so much more with their lives. Low self esteem and settling gets people nowhere. They have to love themselves and understand there is so much more to life. A better purpose for them.

      I realize idleness was ruling me. I lost myself on the internet. I let myself give into weakness. Now I don't need it. The internet isn't "a place" its a tool. Not a "vice" but a device for communicating knowledge and understanding.

      I'm getting stronger and now that I'm not confused, and I'm focused, I'm turning that focus on others. A handful of you are going to feel change coming into your lives... opportunities. While others will feel their world closing in on them. Don't give into your old ways anymore. Open up. Free yourselves from the mundane existence of self pity and degradation... embrace change.

      No matter what has happened in your life: mental abuse, verbal abuse, physical violence, child abuse, sexual abuse, drug addiction, alcoholism, gambling, broken homes, familial strife, divorce, poverty, disease, physical handicaps, mental problems, or anything else that may have oppressed you or still afflict you. You don't have to let it set your course for the rest of your life.

      You are not your Parents, your Mom, your Dad, your Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Brothers, or Sisters. You are not your friends or Coworkers, nor your teachers or peers. You do not have to let other's mistakes rule your life nor ruin it.

      The weight of the world, the burdens of this existence do not have to be that millstone around your neck. You are both unique but not alone.

      Just ask yourself "What exactly am I looking for?". Its a question you ask yourself everyday consciously or unconsciously.

      This question is why people look to drugs or alcohol or sex to make themselves feel different. They search out something to fill the emptiness in their lives and they take that hit, drain the bottle, or jump into bed and for a few fleeting moments they are distracted. They forget their troubles using alcohol, chemicals, or endorphines. But afterwards they go back to feeling just as they did before... alone. Or even worse than before and suddenly they look for the next bit of "fun".

      It's not enough. It'll never be enough. Because its not what you're looking for.

      I found it before it was too late. And you can have it too. All you gotta do is open up your heart and mind and really ask "What am I looking for?" And its not "you" that is asking but its that little voice inside of you that the other voice tries to drown out with "good times".

      Thats right, its not just 1 "little voice" in your head, there are 2. Everyone knows about the "little voice" in your head, the one that gets you to do wrong stuff... stuff you know deep down you shouldn't... its that other "little voice" inside you that tells you that that other voice is wrong. And its here that people will say you're crazy for thinking you have voices in your head, but thats because they listen to just 1 voice... the wrong one. 'Cause its "easier" to give in to it, you don't have to think twice about doing something thats easy.

      Its easier to fulfill your wants than your needs. Its easier to hit someone you don't like than to try to talk it out with them. Its easier to ignore a problem than to try to face it... let alone overcome it.

      And the world around you tells you its "personal choice" when in reality they're telling you to take it "easy". Because Sin is In.

      Yes g'head and laugh, its all you all know me for: being stupid and foolish and dirty.

      But I'm telling you God's honest truth. And deep down you know it.

      And I'm sure right now alot of you stopped reading and went off to unfriend or unwatch or block me. Because the truth hurts when you don't want to hear it.

      But you wanna know something I care enough about every single one of you to share this with ya.

      My change was not as sudden some think.

      It was gradual I came out with the truth about my lies. I started asserting myself. Stopped letting people get to me or rile me. Sure I'd bend and sway at times, everyone trips at the beginning but now I picked myself up. Said Sorry for the last time. And am simply asking for forgiveness for all I've said and done.

      I let that little voice inside run me ragged for the last time and am ignoring it and doing things the "hard way". God's way.

      So yeah this pervy, weirdo, liar is no more. I'm free of that life. Free of the bonds of sin. And yes, I am a sinner. But I will not bend or sway to that life ever again.

      If ya made it this far something inside you clicked. A cog in your heart turned. Your soul hunger, an appetite for truth growled within. And its only the beginning.

      We are at a time when evil and sin runs rampant. Its rewarded and its even put up in neon lights for the whole world to see even from space.

      We live in a world of distractions and it takes a lot to focus on what is good and what is right.

      But is it so hard to Love:

      - Someone back that has loved you your entire life?

      - Who loves you even though you do not love them?

      - Who gives you the best of themselves and who knows everything about you?

      If your answer is No, then you're on the right path to answering the question of what you are looking for.

    • night

      12 years ago

      Esbat

      i got ya`ll in my prayers smiley12.gif

    • boooored

      12 years ago

      Esbat

      and now i have work tmrrw.

      ...

      i miss rushin` home after work and looking forward to coming online.

  • About Me

  • Comments (2133)

    • protagonist

      11 years ago

      You need to come back. =(

    • RedMoonHeart

      11 years ago

      let me know when u come back, id like to know if ur ok smiley1.gif

    • protagonist

      12 years ago

      WHERRRRRREEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRE YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

    • muddslide109

      12 years ago

      Who are you talking about?

    • muddslide109

      12 years ago

      Who wouldn't? There are some cool people her... along with a bunch of jackasses, but you just have to sift through.

    • ThePieBoy

      12 years ago

      Not too bad mate smiley1.gif

    • ThePieBoy

      12 years ago

      Just running out the door but wanted to say hello.

      Hows things?

    • ThePieBoy

      12 years ago

      I see you

    • CuteyKitty

      12 years ago

      5x6s9jd.gif
      Good Day(or Night)
      Yet one more random Pop in . Yes I am quite behind.
      But anyhow how are you doing? Good I hope, anything new and exciting.Since I am to lazy busy to read all your journals?Lol. Did you see 100. Pretty Amazing huh..what you think? I like them alot.Very different.
      Nothing really new with me. Working.Have 3 days off for Canada Day. smiley0.gif Score.
      July Month theme letter is...D.Yes I know I have also been falling behind on this..but again blame work and the fact that money trees do not exist.
      SO have a amazing week for what ever you are doing.And I will try to talk to you later.
      We dont talk anymore. smiley3.gif

      From your one and only Cutey Kitty.

      52f4nwm.gif

    • xFractal

      12 years ago

      Please help Caboose75(Jared) and starnostar7(Jessica) win a free wedding! You can vote for them on www.webcenter11.com! I believe they deserve all the help they can get! smiley12.gif

    • ThePieBoy

      12 years ago

      Where are you..... ?

    • Cechmanek

      12 years ago

      trying to keep my sanity because I have to back up 40 GB on CD's

    • Cechmanek

      12 years ago

      gee I look at my friends list and guess who's online

      How are you doing?

    • ______

      12 years ago

      That time of year again, I've noticed that I watch a lot of very cool people but have never sent them a FR. So, here ya go, keep being awesome.

    • DopeyLoc

      12 years ago

      Please go HERE, and vote for Codeman94, or _Cripple_.

      Then please go HERE, and vote for #2. Thank you so very much for your help smiley8.gif

    • DopeyLoc

      12 years ago

      Please go HERE, and vote for Codeman94, or _Cripple_.

      Then please go HERE, and vote for #2. Thank you so very much for your help smiley8.gif

    • DopeyLoc

      12 years ago

      Ok, first. Please go HERE, and vote for #2


      Then ya have to put your vote on THIS JOURNAL, HERE. Place your vote, and make it out to Tominator907. Thank you so very much.

    • DopeyLoc

      12 years ago

      Tomorrow, go here, and vote #2. Please.


      Then go here, and vote Tominator907, please smiley8.gif

    • iluvdblchexs

      12 years ago

      Yea, they did well during the regular season.

    • ThePieBoy

      12 years ago

      Will do mate. smiley1.gif

    • ThePieBoy

      12 years ago

      It does mate.

    • ThePieBoy

      12 years ago

      The same mate, made lots of changes recently... some of them are paying off, other WILL pay off eventually smiley0.gif

    • ThePieBoy

      12 years ago

      I remember you...

      Hows things fella?

    • Steffasaurus

      12 years ago

      HEWWO LUB!

    • SolaRex

      12 years ago

      dude, i mean it, if you dont talk to me soon im gonna stick a fucking knife in my jugular...
      which i might just do anyway

    • SolaRex

      12 years ago

      you whore you signed in and didnt say hello!?
      BAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDD
      and dont say you didnt find that joke i left you funny... i know you do

    • SolaRex

      12 years ago


      Superman is flying around Metropolis and he's feeling kind of horny.

      'Man!' He thinks to himself. 'Lois is on the other side of the world and I don't want to fly around the world just to get some ass.'

      Then all of a sudden, Superman spots Wonder Woman, spread-eagle, sunbathing on one of the roofs... NUDE!!

      'Oh my...' Superman has not been spotted yet. 'I could fly in and get me some of that before she even notices!'

      That is what he does. He zips in and zips out before anyone notices. Wonder Woman then sits up in surprise.

      "What was that?" She asks.

      "I don't know..." Answers the Invisible Man. "But my ass sure hurts..."

    • SolaRex

      12 years ago

      ESBAT YOU WHORE!!!!!!!!!
      WE MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      ALSO JESUS IS A HOMOSEXUAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Stoite

      12 years ago

      mind coming on AIM for me?

    • SolaRex

      12 years ago

      mang, aim, youre peeing on the floor, once youve done that, get on AIM

    • SolaRex

      12 years ago

      AIM or msn?

    • iluvdblchexs

      12 years ago

      I'm so fucking pissed right now... you can't even respect the one thing I asked you not to do... don't even bother anymore, i've had enough.

    • SolaRex

      12 years ago

      apoc is clearly gay for you....

    • Stoite

      12 years ago

      THANK GOD! YOUR BACK!

    • iluvdblchexs

      12 years ago

      Where ya been?

    • iluvdblchexs

      12 years ago

      Oy.. finally

    • Stoite

      12 years ago

      *SHAKES VIOLENTLY*

      SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT AND BE HAPPY!

      GET ONLINE! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!

    • iluvdblchexs

      12 years ago

      Cause I don't habe anything to say... you need to get over this. its not the end of the world.

    • iluvdblchexs

      12 years ago

      NOw what?

    • NicoliVolkva

      12 years ago

      re·place –verb (used with object), -placed, -plac·ing.
      1. to assume the former role, position, or function of; substitute for (a person or thing): Electricity has replaced gas in lighting.
      2. to provide a substitute or equivalent in the place of: to replace a broken dish.
      3. to restore; return; make good: to replace a sum of money borrowed.
      4. to restore to a former or the proper place: to replace the vase on the table.

      I'm guessing you were asking more along the lines of why my title is "Replaced",however, i'm not divulging that information at this time i'm afraid.

    • iluvdblchexs

      12 years ago

      Umm... that is something good... and the hockey game is before then.

    • iluvdblchexs

      12 years ago

      I told ou before that he was coming.

    • iluvdblchexs

      12 years ago

      TillChris gets here.

    • SolaRex

      12 years ago

      dude! your stars gone to... everybodys stars are going emo.png

    • film_geek

      12 years ago

      Vent away friend, vent away.

    • film_geek

      12 years ago

      true, and I did not mean it like that.

    • iluvdblchexs

      12 years ago

      I don't really think it matters what I was doing... but I was cleaning and woriking on getting a now power cord for my laptop.

    • iluvdblchexs

      12 years ago

      Because I'm just trying to figure things out.

    • iluvdblchexs

      12 years ago

      Not right now.

    • ThePieBoy

      12 years ago

      Why? Whats happened?

  • Questions

    No questions have been answered yet