I have been catching up on some @burnie ( @elliemainey ) vlogs. In particular, the ones where Burnie sits down and talks to the camera and then the Final Vlog (btw for the love of god, can vlog not be underlined red as a grammatical error, it is 2018).
These vlogs were lovely to watch. I am glad I’ve waited to watch them at a point in my life where I am content and not upset.
Things have been really rough for me personally, and with college, but I’ve been coming around and it is due to one simple thing... I have been feeling more comfortable as myself. I recently have been to my former high school two times in the past two weeks and these few hours were amazing. These are people of my past. They are important to see once in a while, so I am able to reflect upon myself and the changes I have made and that they have noticed. My former teachers (Digital Cinema&Broadcasting) are wonderful individuals and I look up to them a heck of a lot. The students are also really fun to be around and talk to. I ended up helping with very little things for projects the students had been working on after school, since I was in the room, but it was neat and enjoyable.
My Digital Cinema teacher I had for two semesters confirmed with me the school he has been trying to get into for his Masters Degree. He told me it was Emerson College for the writing masters... this made me really happy because it is the school I am currently at. Although he will be doing Online schooling, due to him already having a job as a teacher, it is a really cool thing to know that my former teacher is aiming towards the same school as me.
My friend who is a senior at the high school ended up Direct messaging me on twitter telling me to “guess what”. I immediately said, “Please say Emerson” and she then told me she had been accepted for the same major as me. This again made me so joyful. It is another situation where someone of my past is still apart of my present and hopefully the future.
There has been a lot of little things that have been happening that invokes me to be alive. I feel appreciated and that makes me unbelievably happy. I feel like I have a purpose, even if it means just existing and confronting each day as myself. I hope to open up more in the next few years, but I feel like my Boston life will be the way I will grow up out of my shell. I may not be making physical progress with school or projects, but mentally I am learning to accept myself and this is what I need. It’s what I have been needing during these past few years, but without the struggle, I would have never of known what I truly needed. I still do not know 100% completely, but Im on my way.
My next update with you guys will be in April, but I hope to talk about my life developing in Boston for the next 3 years to come. It is nice to finally find acceptance at the place I have been wanting to get away from for my whole life... home. The reason why I am finding acceptance is due to me accepting myself. I never needed a change of location to do this. I just needed time and reflection. I am content with losing people in my life. People come and go. The ones who find ways to appreciate you are the ones who will stay, even if they do not directly interact with you, they will always be there when you are ready to interact with them.
No one will fully understand the crazy small things that I have experienced these last few years; same thing goes for everyone else. I will never fully understand another individuals experience with the small things in their life that created a huge impact on who they are. This is the beauty of living life. Our characters are built upon a lot of things that not one single person will fully understand except for themselves.
Peace y’all <3
-Kevin Everett Fisk Jr.
(Visit Photo “Images” section on my profile to see some photos of me and some little things I have been up too. If you want to keep fully up to date with me, I have a journal style twitter @KEFiskJr)