GenZuoChiken

Male
from Orangeburg, NY

  • Activity

    • my sudden onslaught of emotion

      12 years ago

      GenZuoChiken

      this life i lead, feels like nothing but sorrow. this pain that is quite unbearable. this pain, this feeling of such disappointment in ones self, i feel so sicken by it. sometimes i think that i'm too good for my own being, that i do the right and honorable thing too often, that i wind up blindly hurting myself in one way or another. why does this pain hurt so bad, why does this sorrow hang over me so, why does this feeling sting so much, why does life give me shitty cards when i feel so high, why does it seem like emotion is at the door, dressed up like a ninja, ready to kill me.

      i know this pain is all emotional but why does it feel so real? when i feel stress or anxiety or extreme nervousness, i literally feel sick. i start coughing and gaging and i prolly look like all hell to boot. this morning, i felt so sick that i actually threw up. then i think, about something i've heard some time ago called Broken Heart Syndrome. why do these emotions manifest themselves in this form, why does it have to torture me in both a physical and emotional state?

      i know i've never written so much about one aspect of my life. there is just so much pent up emotion that i just have to let them know how i really feel. i know i'm not really getting anywhere by writing this and putting it up, but i know that someone would eventually read this and be able to connect with the pain and emotion that i feel. i don't know if i'm looking for sympathy or empathy, but i just need someone that will be with me unconditionally, willing to ride my rollercoaster known as life with me. i just wish she was there the way i know she wants to, but alas, i see her slipping and fading away, leaving a wake of pain and sorrow floating in my direction.

    • The one

      12 years ago

      GenZuoChiken

      have you ever felt you could ever open up 100% to someone? someone that you could be your absolute true self and not feel like you would be picked on or ridiculed? being able to just let yourself go in all aspects and know that they would do it with you or admire you or support you? someone that just lights up your world when you see them, when you talk to them, when you hold them? someone that you know that just by living and being your absolute self, they would be happy just to be there with you?

      i feel that ive found that one person that truely does that for me. when ever i think of her, i feel like im just floating on air. i feel like nothing else matters, what so ever. i feel that everything will be ok when im with her. everything just feels right, like i no longer have to put up a facade or hide who i am.

      i wish that i could just walk out my door and see her waiting just for me with a smile of absolute joy. i wish that i could wake up in the morning, roll over, and just brush her cheek with my hand in only a way that i could do it and she would smile in ecstasy. i wish that i could hold her knowing that this unconditional truth that we both know. i wish that i could kiss her and time would just stand still for that moment.

      knowing that this someone is out there, just arms length away, but i cant have her, hurts so much. it hurts knowing that a desision was made and in my mind, i keep thinking of this one line in a movie, "maybe doing the right thing, isnt doing the right thing." it pains me to know that she could have something so great, so amazing, so true, but she just lets it go to do what people tell her is right. it hurts knowing that this is the kind of happieness, that when found, you just cant pass up.

      ive never felt this passionate about something in my life. this is something that i cant bear to let go, it will just hurt way too much. i just wish that you can be there, with me.....

    • Guilty

      12 years ago

      GenZuoChiken

      i feel kinda bad about giving up on RvB some time ago.....got sick of the in consistant release sched and now, im wicked behind on eppisodes. sence when did blue get that chick in yellow?

    • snakes on a plane!! OMFGWTFBBQ!!!one111!

      12 years ago

      GenZuoChiken

      www.snakesonaplane.com/fansweeps/index.html?votingUser=gentsochiken&entry=2

      wanna see the movie? how it works, the person with the most votes wins a private viewing for 100 people with a butt load of freebies for everyone. one vote from each person per day. current leader has got almost 30k, id imagine hes been going at it for sence the begining. i think we can beat him!

    • drunken azn on teh loose :-P

      12 years ago

      GenZuoChiken

      first off, today, im legal to drink!! AND im going down to otakon!! :-D oh yea whats up!?!??! :-P RvB crew, here i come!!

    • LAN 10.0

      13 years ago

      GenZuoChiken

      its this weekend ppl!!!!

    • TEE HEE HEE

      13 years ago

      GenZuoChiken

      i saw RvB at I-Con :-P

    • 7hm LAN 10.0

      13 years ago

      GenZuoChiken

      LAN PARTY 10.0 Info:
      April 8th at 11AM to April 9th at 9PM
      34 hours of straight HARDCORE gaming

      Location:
      Sheraton at Danbury
      18 Old Ridgebury Road
      Danbury, Connecticut 06810

      Alcohol is NOT permitted.

      Here is a list of the games that will be played:

      PC:
      Counter Strike Source
      Unreal 2004
      Quake 4
      BF2
      Starcraft

      Console:
      Super Smash Brothers: Melee (NGC)
      Capcom Vs SNK (PS2)
      Halo 2 (Xbox)
      Dance Dance Revolution (PS2)

      Other:
      Magic the Gathering

      DOOR prices: $10 for spectators, $30 for Console only, $50 for PC/Console
      save some cash and prepay!! Console Gaming ONLY ($20), PC and Console Gaming ($40)

      URL: 7hmgaming.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3465

    • been busy

      13 years ago

      GenZuoChiken

      yea, with school and all.....damn.....wish i had something to do......

  • About Me

  • Comments (4)

    • bubbasizzle

      12 years ago

      hey ...................................................>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&*****************

    • mangotea168

      12 years ago

      Hehe...I guess you are preparing for that. good luck and have fun on that day. They are interesting people.

    • mangotea168

      12 years ago

      They are not joining the international unions. US employees are not allow to form or join any unions, however non-US employees are allow to form & join their own union.

    • t00117527

      13 years ago

      cool pics man check out my ones

  • Questions

    No questions have been answered yet