GeneralAce

Male
from Colorado Springs, CO

  • Activity

    • Son Of A Bitch

      13 years ago

      GeneralAce

      Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

      Priest: "What have you done my child?"

      Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

      Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?

      Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

      Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

      Girl: "Yes father."

      Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

      Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

      Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

      Girl: "Yes father."

      Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

      Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

      Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

      Girl: "Yes father."

      Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

      Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.

      Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

      Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

      Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

      Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"

      Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

    • Only In America 2 And Ever Wonder?!?!?!

      13 years ago

      GeneralAce

      1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster
      than an ambulance.

      2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in
      front of a skating rink.

      3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all
      the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while
      healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

      4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers,
      large fries, and a diet coke.

      5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and
      then chain the pens to the counters.

      6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of
      dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

      7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to
      screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

      8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten
      and buns in packages of eight.

      9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to
      describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

      10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines
      with Braille lettering.

      EVER WONDER????

      Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

      Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

      Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

      Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

      Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

      Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and
      dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

      Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

      Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

      Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

      When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

      Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

      Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

      Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

      Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck
      together?

      If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
      progress?

      If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
      terminal?

    • Livin in the Year 2005 (Now 2006)

      13 years ago

      GeneralAce

      You know you live in the year 2005 when...



      1) you accidentally enter your password on a microwave.



      2) you haven't played solitare with real cards in years.



      3) the real reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have text messaging.



      4) you'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing th power button on the tv.



      6) your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.



      7) you read this list and keep nodding and smiling.



      8) as you read this list, you think about sending it to all your friends.



      9) and... you were to busy too notice there was no number 5.



      10) you actually scrolled back up to check that there was no number 5.



      11) and now you're laughing at your stupidity.



      12) post a comment if you fell for this just as I did. And don't lie, you know you did too.

    • Great Songs!

      13 years ago

      GeneralAce

      K I need everyones help with this one that i can. I want to know a great song and the artist who sings it. Preferably a punk rock song or rap song. Im trying to get some new ones. Please help me out. Mod points to those who refer a great song that i enjoy!

      wOOt!!!

    • Only in America

      13 years ago

      GeneralAce

      This was from my uncle in Chicago. It is fricken hilarious!!!

      Only in China-

      China.jpg


      Only in Hawaii-

      Hawaii.jpg


      Only in India-

      India.jpg


      Only in Mexico-

      Mexico.jpg


      Only in Texas-

      Texas.jpg


      Only in Thailand-

      Thailand.jpg


      And last but not least...ONLY IN AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!

      America.jpg

      Have fun lauging!!! wOOt!

    • 30 Things

      14 years ago

      GeneralAce

      30 things guys want girls to know

      1)We're not as perverted as you think we are.
      2)No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a LOSER.
      3)We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
      4)Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful.
      5)Don't treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.
      6)We know your pretty,that's one of the reasons we're going out with you.
      7)Don't go into detail about you period.It scares us.
      8)If you have cramps and we ask you whats wrong, just tell us it's that time of the month and nothing more.
      9)If you really liked us for us,you would let us think that our mustache, beard,or sideburns looked cool.
      10)We NEVER shave our legs. So get over it.
      11)NEVER ask us if u can put makeup on us.It's just wrong............
      12)Don't make bets about us,becasue one of your friends will tell us,if you don't
      13)When we tell you that you're not fat,believe us.
      14)We absolutely do not care about the Backstreet Boys,*Nsync,98 Degrees, or what any other guy looks like for that matter.
      15)We may not be able to pee accuratley all of the time, but at least we can stand up and go pee.
      16)Just cause you think your always right,doesn't mean that you don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong".
      17)You expect us to say and do sweet things for you,but it would be nice if you did the same once in a while. We like to know that you love us.
      18)We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.
      19)Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you,cause you might get what you wish for.
      20)Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say". That's just cruel.
      21)Never pretend your going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.
      22)Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore,but we like yours better anyway.
      23)Size doesn't matter,except to idiots who don't want a relationship.
      24)PMS is not an excuse.
      25)If you want us to put the seat down when we're done,you should put the seat up when you're done.
      26).............Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn't turn us on.
      27)And always remembe:The way to a guys heart is through his stomoach......and maybe......oh nevermind.
      28)NEVER ask us to kiss other guys. You might be that comfy with your friends,but to us it's just wrong.
      29)We always notice how funny it is after you rip out our heart,stick it down our throat and still want to be friends.
      30)And last but no least:We know you're not always right,but we'll pretend like you are anyway.

    • Blonde Jokes

      14 years ago

      GeneralAce

      Here are a few blonde jokes.

      So a blonde, brunette, and a red head are about to be executed by a firing squad. The red head is first. The executioner asks her if she has any last requests, she doesnt, so he says "Ready...Aim..." and suddenly the red head yell tornado! All the people are startled and she escapes.
      Dissapointed the executioner get the brunette, asks her if she has any last requests, (she doesnt) and then says "Ready...Aim..." and the brunette yells earthquake! Again the people are startled and the brunette escapes.
      Again the executioner is upset but gets the blonde after asking her for her last requests he gets ready. But the blonde had caught on to what the others did. "Ready...Aim..." and the Blonde yells "FIRE!!!!"


      And here is another one.

      So a blonde goes to the doctors office with two very red ears. The doctor asks her what happened and she tells him, "Well you see, I was ironing when the phone rang. I went to get it when I accediently picked up the iron and burnt my ear." The doctor understands but asks her what happened to the other ear. She replied, "The son of a bitch decided to call back!"

      And yet, another one.

      So a young ventriloquist is preforming in a club one night. He has his dummy on his knee and goes into the routine where he begins telling blonde jokes. After he tell a few, a blonde in the audience stands up and begins yelling, "What makes you think you can stereotype women like that?!?! What does the color of a persons hair have to do with how smart they are? Its guys like you that cause us blondes to be made fun of and disrespected at work and in the community!!! And you do all this for the sake of humor!?!?!?!?! The man begins to apoligize and plead when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this mister! I'm talking to that little shit on your knee!"

      Well there ya go! Enjoy them as much as I have!


      EDIT: Here's a funny video for you to enjoy:
      Matrix Ping Pong

    • Joke Time

      14 years ago

      GeneralAce

      Ok guys, here is a joke I heard a long, long time ago. This joke is courtesy from my friend Mike. Here is goes.

      Warning: Do not be offended.

      So there is this women who was pregnant with triplets. 2 girls and 1 boy. Ironicly, she was walking into a bank when a robber comes and shoots her three times in the stomache. He was then gunned down by the police and the women survived. The doctors checked her and her kids and found that all were alive and well but the doctors could not find the bullets and did not want to risk losing the kids trying to get them. Soon it was time for them to be born and each was born perfectly. It was a miracle but still, there were no bullets so they figured that the bullets were long gone. Well, the kids grew up normal and healty. Finally, 13 years later, one girl rushes in to her mom in the bedroom one day and said that she had started her period and she found a bullet. Well the mom was taken aback. She told her daughter the story and finally realized what happened to one bullet. Well, a few days later, her second daughter ran in with the same problem. Her mom again explained the story and found what happened to the second bullet. But what of the third? Well, a few days later, the mother's son walked in carring the family dog crying and he was terribly upset. His mother saw him and had him sit down and explain the problem. So the boy said, "Mommy, mommy!!!!! I beat off and shot the dog!!!!"

      There you go. Another joke. Have fun with it.

    • Kiss of the Dragon and Jet LI

      in Forums > Kiss of the Dragon and Jet LI | Follow this topic

      GeneralAce

      I dont know how many people have seen Kiss of the Dragon but it could be said that this is Jet Lis best movie. Or to me it is anyways. jet Li seriously kicks ass and this movie is one of the best ive seen. Its kind of an older movie (like 2000) but it if fricken awsome. Also jet Li is awsome. Has anyone else seen it and felt like it kicks ass?

      16 replies

    • Another Lawyer Joke

      14 years ago

      GeneralAce

      Ok so here is another funny lawyer joke.

      So one day this lawyer decides to play hooky from work and go duck hunting. So he calls in sick and goes off into the woods. So as the day passes by he finally comes upon some ducks. He begins shooting and hits one but it falls down way off into the distance. When he finally reaches it, he sees it has landed on a mountain mans property. With the owner no where in sight, he climbs the small fence and goes to get the duck. On his way back however, the mountain man stops him. The guy tries to explain to him about the situation but the guy doesnt buy it. Finally the mountain man makes an agreement. "If you play a little game with me I'll let you leave and i wont press any charges. But you have to agree to play and play by my rules." So the lawyer agrees and the man explains the rules. "Ok the point of the game is to see who can hurt eachother the worst. The one to back down first loses. We take turns and there can be no amputation or stabbing or killing involved. Just hitting and kicking." The lawyer agrees and thinks that this will be a peace of cake. "One thing though is since you are trespassing i get to go first." "Ok" says the lawyer. So this guy runs all the way to the other side of the area and then comes running full speed as fast as he could and just kicked the guy in the balls as hard as he could.
      After the lawyer quit crying and spitting up blood and whatever else he did he gets up slowly and says, "Ok, my turn." He was about to rip this guys fricken head off when the man simply says, "I lose" and he walks off.

      There you go. Hope you enjoy.

  • About Me

  • Comments (55)

    • JRIbeano

      11 years ago

      wow you modded the shit out of me lol. ty

    • Halfling64

      12 years ago

      WHERE YOU BE?!
      WHEN YOU GET BACK HIT ME UP!

    • xreaperx

      12 years ago

      NOUTHING

    • xreaperx

      12 years ago

      hay what up wont to talk

    • xreaperx

      12 years ago

      HAY

    • Dan3000

      12 years ago

      [vote for the best car of 2006
      vote here

    • Rasta_Bob

      12 years ago

      hey, if its not too much, could you vote for me here? (again, its a once daily vote) im pretty sure im behind, so your vote would be really awsome, thanks....

      if the messages/comments are getting annoying, let me know and i'll stop

    • sirpstreet

      13 years ago

      []-[] [] |
      _____|

    • sirpstreet

      13 years ago

      ?????
      ?( \ / )?
      ?(O.o)?
      ?(> <)?
      ?/_||_\?
      ??????
      Bunny in a Box

    • SnakeTheFake

      13 years ago

      If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

    • MrPlaneman

      13 years ago

      You played Counter Strike?

    • imsimmons

      13 years ago

      kik ass your from the springs! i"m from aurora

    • arrish

      13 years ago

      like LANs? check my journal if you do.

    • darkwolf12

      13 years ago

      damn right that joke was funny

    • crobinson

      13 years ago

      Man that joke was freak'n funny

    • SanGladiator

      13 years ago

      hey david

      vote for executioner9 in juggernaut12 's profile and get a mod or two from me (see my journal)!!!!

    • gangsta_06

      13 years ago

      Thank's and I always ask =D

    • pimpman07

      13 years ago

      c2484906.gif

    • SanGladiator

      13 years ago

      HOLY ****. i want to get one of those chryslers!!!!!


      wow.

      i would mod but im saving up for a giveaway. thanks alot for the pics though, they are amazing!

    • SanGladiator

      13 years ago

      u are unstoppable

    • SanGladiator

      13 years ago

      holy **** those are hott

    • SanGladiator

      13 years ago

      hey, i know you probably get sick of being asked, but would you please vote for me at Executioner9 's journal???

    • marklova2006

      13 years ago

      i could be better

    • marklova2006

      13 years ago

      hey how are you doing?

    • Corvettedg8

      13 years ago

      go here

    • Church32

      13 years ago

      I miss Colorado Springs!

    • Jacinto

      13 years ago

      ummm... truck yourself?

    • Jacinto

      13 years ago

      "Go cluck yourself!"

      Did I get it right?

    • Ryoga

      13 years ago

      i'm in round 2 of 3, you are a good friend to me, and i request that you vote 4 me, thanx a lot, you have my support in any contest you enter

      -Ryoga-

    • Ryoga

      13 years ago

      i'm in round 2, please vote for me, i'd really appreciate it and i'll do you a favor in return

    • SanGladiator

      13 years ago

      depends on when it is...........................

    • SanGladiator

      13 years ago

      r u going 2 vadim's party?

    • aZn_SaVy

      13 years ago

      hey i got a contest going on right now. u wanna join? just check out my journal.

    • MrCaboose77

      13 years ago

      Mods are up for grabs in my contest

    • Afterburner

      13 years ago

      Check out my 'LEGAL' Contest!!! 20 mods are waiting to be given out!!

    • Owner001

      13 years ago

      Please vote for me in the final round of XboX360er's contest

      Thanks

    • Afterburner

      13 years ago

      Hey, if you like Brooke Burke, come and see my pics!

    • StupidIdiots

      13 years ago

      True!

    • zosocolossus

      13 years ago

      funny shit on the list

    • soccerdude14

      13 years ago

      hello

    • StupidIdiots

      13 years ago

      Thanks for the friend request!

    • gdog

      14 years ago

      danm straight hot girls and fast girls are the way to go.

    • pipboy2004

      14 years ago

      david yo general you need to coem on more often so we can talk andyou put up so more pictures of those hot girls and tightcars.

    • AsianKungFu

      14 years ago

      tn_02-023.gif
      A raccoon for you

    • Dymaxion

      14 years ago

      Good stuff. Fast & hot are good for both cars and women if you don't mind my saying so.

    • Jacinto

      14 years ago

      birthday99-5-a.gif
      BirthdayCake.gif
      HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need to get you a present still... hmmm.... what will it be?

    • mayyan

      14 years ago

      people from Colorado Springs are cool :D

    • SanGladiator

      14 years ago

      i know u

    • Gut_Killer

      14 years ago

      awsome pics and great taste in music. props.

    • Jacinto

      14 years ago

      For being my best friend, I present you with:
      aycaram2.gif

  • Questions

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