HatchetAxe

Male
from Somerset, England

  • Activity

    • Suited & Booted - March 2008 Part 2

      11 years ago

      HatchetAxe

      More from the mad craze sweeping the county.

      Offices Dares

      One-Point Dares
      1. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
      2. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
      3. Leave your fly open. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
      4. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
      5. While going in an elevator, gasp dramatically each time the doors open.
      6.When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn't you.
      7. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophcy..."
      8. Don't use any punctuation.
      9. Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
      10. Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.

      Three-Point Dares
      1. Say to your boss, "I like your style", wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
      2. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
      3. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
      4. Every time you get an email, shout "email".
      5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
      6. Keep hole punching you finger. Each time you do, shout, "damn, it's happened again!". Then do it again.
      7. Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then wink and pout.
      8. Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any pornography web sites.

      Five-Point Dares

      1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (five extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
      2. Walk into a very busy person's office and turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
      3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".
      4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
      5. When you've picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, "she can abort for all I care".
      6. After every sentence, say 'guvnor' in a really bad cockney accent. as in: "The report's on your desk, guvnor." Keep this up for one hour.
      7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
      8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"
      9. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
      10. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.
      11. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
      12. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
      13. Ask people what they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
      14. Sign or p.p. all letters with your initials and a swastika.
      15. Hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, "I'll see you tonight you naughty girl".

      I looked at this and scored 42 out of 109. But how did you fare? If you feel like it of course........



      ........hold on. 42.

      I SCORED THE MEANING OF LIFE!

    • Suited & Booted - March 2008 Part 1

      11 years ago

      HatchetAxe

      Greetings to all you in the land where binary is slave to the leet. I the great HatchetAxe return to bring forth more of unique perspective on life, continueing with my crappy spelling.

      Once again I left my cave to spend some time in the "real world" and found another copy of the local pub paper. For those of you who have yet to witness this madness fear not for I shall endever to share it with those of you who are unfortunate enough to visit my profile. So first off, we start with;

      You know you're from Somerset when......

      You think Bath's a big city.. You can tell sheep from goats.. You think Bristol is 'up north'.. The smell of cow shit makes you feel at home.. Everywhere else in the UK feels cold.. You leant to drive in a field or on a beach.. You know Tesco's don't make meat, eggs, milk, etc..

      When the sun goes down it gets dark.. Your local newspaper's headline is 'cow falls off bridge'.. You turned to drink, drugs or heavy metal at an early age.. Your 4x4 has mud on it and it doesn't do the school run.. You get excited/worried if you ever go on a motorway.. You think nothing of grass growing in the middle of the road.. You know all your neighbours..

      Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you think a young farmers' disco is a wild night out.. Until you went on holiday, the tallest building you had ever seen was Debenhams in Taunton.. You drink real ale.. You went to London........once........ It takes you 4 times longer to drive anywhere between May and September.. You're a closet fan of the Wurzels..

      Your neighbours' average age is 76.. You can buy most of your wardrobe at Mole Valley Farmers.. Your best friend goes joyfriend goes joyriding in tractors.. You thoguht it was normal for more than 50% of your high street's shops to be operated by charities.. Biggest story on the local TV news is a cat locked in a shed for 2 days in Yeovil.. Second biggest 'man grows large marrow'.. You take a torch to the pub..

      Your entire phone number used to have 3 digits, it now has 6!.. You suffer from advanced lead poisoning from eating blackberries from hedgerows throughtout the 80s.. You haven't gone to the Glastonbury Festival since they improved the security fences.. And you still call it the Pilton Pop Festival.. by the time you are legally old enough to drink, you've already had enough cider to last a lifetime.. your escape plans involve Berry's Coaches.. you've been up the Wellington Monument.. thankfully, your accent mysteriously broadens as you enter country pubs.

    • Fonejacker

      11 years ago

      HatchetAxe

      fonejack / v. 1. to seize control
      of a telephone conversation by farce
      esp. to divert it from reason and logic.

      If you haven't seen this yet your life has yet to be complete. Here's a few of my favorites.

      Doovde
      Monies
      Video Piracy
      Terry Tibbs
      Flat to Rent
      Cat Problem

    • Mass Impact

      11 years ago

      HatchetAxe

      Joy of joys I picked up my copy of Mass Effect today.
      This news is some what blunted by the fact that my 360 has yet to return, but new intel suggests that it'll return to me next week.

    • Fight the System!

      11 years ago

      HatchetAxe

      This is the first time I've been able to access RvB.com from the uni centre.

      Looks like the proxy is working well.

      Yesterday I had to send my car off for MOT and they called back saying they had to do some welding. Fuck. Had to catch a lift into Uni today and I'm not looking forward to the bus ride back home.

      VIVA A REVALUTION!

    • Tally Contest

      11 years ago

      HatchetAxe

      I'm one of the contestants in MJCs latest contest and those who wish to, vote for ME.
      Unless you want to vote for one the other contestants.

      It's a bit confusing but those who choose to vote in this contest, I suggest that you read the rules of how to post you vote.


      Contest has been cancelled - atleast someone voted for me.....but who?

    • Halo 3 Model Generator Edits

      11 years ago

      HatchetAxe

      Okay, it's been weeks since my last journal and I need to be a little more active online.
      To kick off my new age of activeness I made this pic on my computer at uni.

      HatchetAxe4783f000737d4.jpg

      Actually, my lecturer was boring me to death and had the pic I made using the Halo 3 model generator that several other people on the site have used, and thought why not make him stand out a bit more with a background that wasn't a grey wall. If anyone else who's use the modgen wants a background just ask and I should beable to come up with something. Just leave the pic you made or a link to it and say what you want in the background.

      The background can be a pic you want you Spartan/Elite standing in front of (please provide link) or you can say which multiplayermap you want (Highground, Sandtrap, etc) and I'll find a screenshot I can fit into it. Go on, give me a challenge.

    • It Has Begun!!!

      11 years ago

      HatchetAxe

      After a forty minute queue I got my copy of Halo 3 Legendary Edition.

      Now all I need to do is get my 360 fixed.

    • Close Encounters of a Lesser Kind

      11 years ago

      HatchetAxe

      Ever had one of those times when something happened to you that made you question whether you still had a firm grasp of reality. Last night I was walking out of the room I'm in right now as I write this and saw something fly across the room and disappear. To me it was a blur.

      I just assumed it was the shadow of a moth or something going past the light, but then it flew past me again and this time I could tell that it was not just a shadow but something alive with wings, to me it looked like some bird. So I looked around for it to let it out but there was no sign of it. Infact there was no sign of anything other than me having been there.

      So imagine my surprise at quarter past 12 this afternoon when my Mum asks me to get rid of a dead bat that was lying on the kitchen floor.

      I'll be honest the first thing I felt was relief that I hadn't been 'seeing things' that something had indeed been there. Anyway, I went to get a dustpan and brush, went back to the kitchen and it was gone. I looked into the next room and there it was scampering away across the floor. I thought why bother him and just opened to door outside and off he went.

    • And Thus Began The Rant

      12 years ago

      HatchetAxe

      Today is a glorious day in the war against smoking, because the smoking ban indoors starts today in the UK. As a non-smoker this doesn't really affact my daily routine except the air in pubs is a little more tolerable however the little git that lives deep down inside of me does feel some delight in the problems now faced by smokers.

      For those of you who read this and do smoke this is not a rant aimed at you. It's aim a one specific bitch whos does not understand why some people who don't smoke may not want to have a 2 hour conversation about database with her blowing smoke in my face.

      Is it just me really? Am I being unreasonable?

      Again if you smoke and take any offence to this i'm sorry it's not against you.

  • About Me

  • Comments (281)

    • Spartan1989

      9 years ago

      Hello

    • Wu_The_Klutz

      10 years ago

      hows it going in the UK

    • xman56

      11 years ago

      good getting ready to leave for summer school

    • xman56

      11 years ago

      hey whats up

    • sazabi

      11 years ago

      Good. Good. I'm about to go to bed actually.

      Night!

    • sazabi

      11 years ago

      SUP BITCH?!

    • AFIntel69

      11 years ago

      Hello friend. Long time no see. ^_^

    • haloGoddess

      11 years ago

      No, no forum. I have a site that I can go to where I can get a free forum. All I do is give it a name and pick out a layout. It's all set up for me and makes creating a forum very easy.

    • sazabi

      11 years ago

      Most impressive.

    • Pajamaman109

      11 years ago

      well as you know it was only 1 season and ended right after the cup and i was just like WTF!!!!!!!

    • Pajamaman109

      11 years ago

      I was thinking Zero. cuz the series kinda stopped off leaving a sour taste xD

    • Pajamaman109

      11 years ago

      possibly. depeds on what details youre looking for xD

    • MrSquigles

      11 years ago

      Yeah thats usually a sign of a good night as long as everyone in your phonebook is still talking to you!!

    • MrSquigles

      11 years ago

      Did you have a good day?

    • MrSquigles

      11 years ago

      Happy Birthday...?

    • BrodyByrd

      11 years ago

      Sup...
      & the diff. b/w your prof. & mine is that my popularity's all the way up, & I've played way many more games that U.
      Wanna' be buds?/=-\

    • mikeusuck

      11 years ago

      yeah dude i think im going tto need some serious luck last time i was in the real world my gf dumped me and her best friend started hitting on me which was bad cus then my ex found out and she beat me up badly but i mite come on like once or twice a month to make sure every one is staying out of trouble

    • Pajamaman109

      11 years ago

      indeed :) Im more of a generic soldier myself I can use anythin i got well :P

    • kevinrokks71

      11 years ago

      Merry christmas

    • Boomer FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold RTX London Head Guardian

      11 years ago

      hey...check out the uk forum...we are discussing the formation of a british grifball team and would like to know what you think the league details should be.

      if you have xbl, halo 3 and grifball map packs then we can also set you up with training partners, and the opportunity to represent your country in a showdown against america.

    • haloGoddess

      11 years ago

      There was a Brute picture to choose from, but NOBODY even chose it. I tried to add a Covenant series, but only like 2 people chose a picture from the covenant section. It seems people mostly want Master Chief or a Spartan on their card.

    • kevinrokks71

      11 years ago

      thanks for the pic man

      you rock

    • aleinhunter

      11 years ago

      true

    • aleinhunter

      11 years ago

      wat u mean afternoon

    • aleinhunter

      11 years ago

      god its 6:45 pm ova here

    • aleinhunter

      11 years ago

      its mornig were u r

    • aleinhunter

      11 years ago

      hi

    • DJH4311

      11 years ago

      cool cool. I'll await your thoughts on it then!

    • simmonsv56

      11 years ago

      lol cool

    • kevinrokks71

      11 years ago

      thanks for the help man

    • Tmoneyrlz

      11 years ago

      damn and my photofiltre free trail just ended
      i could have enlarged and used dust off to fix that
      lol it just ran up 2 days ago

    • Tmoneyrlz

      11 years ago

      that came out really dusty on the spartan
      patchy, watever u wanna call it

    • Tmoneyrlz

      11 years ago

      howz the pic looking?

    • chipy1011

      11 years ago

      read my journal thats in bold print please!!!!!!

    • cakerules

      11 years ago

      sweet man thanks so much
      thats pretty awesome ill probably use them both
      switch them around once and awhile
      thats great though thanks so much

    • cakerules

      11 years ago

      oh ok cool umm
      http://www.halo3.com/images/screenshots/downloads/sb_landscape.jpg
      Id like that as my background for the pick of my EVA with the hayabusa shoulders in my images
      http://mattbrett.com/images/halo3beta-valhalla.jpg
      and id like that as my background for my hayabusa armor in my pics
      if you could do that thanks so much

    • Tmoneyrlz

      11 years ago

      here use this instead
      Tmoneyrlz472b77b26525f.jpg instead of the first generated pic i sent

    • xman56

      11 years ago

      i already know how she feels she thinks its werid that i got a crush on her

    • haloGoddess

      11 years ago

      Our xbox was gone for no longer than 4 weeks. I'm surprised at how quick we got it back, but I was in no hurry since we still have another one! But now we just have 2! hehe

    • xman56

      11 years ago

      im 11 shes 10

    • xman56

      11 years ago

      yah but she might not ingnore them like i did

    • xman56

      11 years ago

      notin can u help me read the journal entry and comment on that pls

    • xman56

      11 years ago

      whats up

    • vaulkin117

      11 years ago

      Slow down, I'm scared.
      Guy: No, this is fun.
      Girl: No it's not. Please it's too scary!
      Guy: Then tell me you love me.
      Girl: Fine I love you. Slow down!
      Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
      Girl hugs him
      Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on yourself? It's bugging me.
      (in the paper the next day): A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only 1 had survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time, then he had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

      If u love any one this much...let them know...before its too late... I love you 4 ever.....and always 2 the end....i cant live without ya.....b-cuz ur my friend..... Send this to 10 ppl in the next 5 min....and....u will get kissed on friday by the love of your life.... DONT BREAK THIS . 2morow will be the best day of your life.
      However, if u don t send this 2 @ least 10 ppl by at least 12:00 2nite u will have bad luck in your love life 4 the rest of your life

    • cakerules

      11 years ago

      well what i want as a background was this picture with a few guys in the picture
      but i dont want the guys so id there a way you could take the guys out and keep the background or no

    • cakerules

      11 years ago

      does it have to be a plain pic of the background or can it have people in it?

    • Tmoneyrlz

      11 years ago

      alright take ur time

    • xman56

      11 years ago

      no reason because i just learned how 2

    • Tmoneyrlz

      11 years ago

      id like it to be the size of the whole thing all together if u could photoshop the legs and crap
      but if u cant then just the head and torso is fine
      and yea basically the entire image being the size of the second picture
      idk the idiots here have this correl crap that wont do shit but i can use it to resize the first pic for u
      but i wont be here tomorrow so i have to do it today

    • cakerules

      11 years ago

      you think you could do the background thing for me?
      i dont have either of those programs

  • Questions

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