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from Texas

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    • Monty

      4 years ago

      HawthornSword

      Reposting this from my tumblr.

      I woke up February second with the strong sense that I shouldn't even get out of bed. I should have trusted that instinct.

      I went through my normal routine. I got dressed, made breakfast, read the updates on my favorite webcomics, and popped over to Roosterteeth's website. There was an entry from Burnie two days before explaining that Monty was in the hospital. I was upset, almost panicky. I checked the site several times, hoping for an update. He was fine. He was coming home today. I prayed, no, willed it to be so. Then, the worst. Matt's entry. Monty Oum has passed away. It was like someone punched me in the gut.

      I have basically no experience coping with death.

      In 27 years I've only lost one person that mattered to me even a little, and I've only been to a couple of funerals of distant relatives or friends of the family because I was obligated to. Mourning was a foreign concept to me, not because I wasn't ever sad, but it just seemed like a waste of time.

      So, it's a strange sensation to experience now - this pure form of undiluted, uncomplicated, sadness. I don't know what to do with it, how to process it.

      I cried. I got a headache. I drank. I got a headache. I tried to write a poem that came out a barely intelligible scribble of consciousness.

      I got out my prettiest coloring book and pencils, and I sang Disney songs ("Under the Sea specifically; it just popped into my head, like a subconscious reaction. I don't even like the little mermaid, but it's a happy song), and then I felt a bit better.

      My husband took me out to the ramen place down the street, and I ate a giant bowl of delicious noodle soup, some steamed rice, and mochi green tea ice cream. I felt almost normal.

      I went to sleep. I woke up. I told myself I was alright, and that I was going to keep it together. I made an attempt at a normal routine. And then I got on tumblr, because I couldn't stay away; I knew I would find you here. Mourning, but mostly Celebrating the life of a magnificent human being, whom I never even got to meet.

      I keep my feelings here, and to myself, because my family might not understand the near constant stream of tears for someone I didn't actually know. They might think it strange or excessive. But we really did know him, didn't we? Even though most of us never met him in person, he was here, in our community, our family, constantly teaching us, inspiring us, encouraging us, making us laugh, building worlds for us to play in - to grow in.

      He told us to Keep Moving Forward at a time in my life when that was exactly what I needed to hear. He reminded me that I don't have to be defined by what I haven't done with what I was given, but what I can still do all on my own.

      So lets get up. Lets get going. We'll meet you there, Monty.



      "We are never fighting alone. Get up, get going. I'll meet you there." - Monty Oum

      "For it is in passing that we achieve immortality." Pyrrah Nikos, RWBY episode 6

    • Listening to RvB12 Sountrack.

      4 years ago

      HawthornSword

      SOOOOO GOOOOOD!!!!!!!

    • 4 years ago

      HawthornSword

      Just got my "It's Also A Gun" t-shirt! Yay!

    • XBOX360 VS PC for Assassin's Creed Series

      5 years ago

      HawthornSword

      Hey everyone! I'm hoping for some constructive input. I want to play the Assassin's creed games, but I can't decide if I want them for xbox 360 or pc. I know someone who has played them on pc, and they like the games but there seemed to be a lot of glitches despite him playing on a great machine. Does this happen to everyone or is it just a fluke? Can someone who has experienced the gameplay on both console and pc give me an opinion on which they like better? Thanks!

    • I made a thing!

      5 years ago

      HawthornSword

      I am so out of practice, but here is a drawing I did in response to a cute comment I saw on tumblr:
      hawthornsword.deviantart.com/art/Bedtime-Stories-470425060

      the-meta:
      "Tell me that Allison didn't have powerhouse arms and couldn't lift her weight twice over. Tell me that Allison didn't do push-ups with Leonard sitting on her reading a book.Try."

      starcrossed-sky: "Even better: Leonard reading to tinylina. Carolina and Leonard sitting on Allison while she does push-ups and he reads her a story..."

    • RWBY

      5 years ago

      HawthornSword

      I'm very excited for RWBY vol. 2 tomorrow! All the cosplay pics from RTX I've been seeing are really wonderful. :D

    • Homage to a Cat

      5 years ago

      HawthornSword

      So I've realized this year is Hello Kitty's 40th anniversary. It is crazy to think that cute little cat is just as popular now as when our parents were teenagers. Pretty much every little girl ever (even the ones like me who didn't bother with all that pink frilly stuff) has had something Hello Kitty related in their lives. I had the luck to grow up with some gorgeous little vintage Hello Kitty toys given to me by my mom's cousin that she actually got when her dad was stationed overseas, probably right around the time it originated. It's enough to make me all blubbery with nostalgia. Hello Kitty came even before Garfield, and I've got some heavy Garfield nostalgia as well, I admit. I've sat down and tried to think of all the "famous" cats around now, and there are plenty hanging around the internet: Lolcats, Nyan Cat, Simon's Cat, Maru, Pusheen, Boggart, Princess Monster Truck, Grumpy Cat, and countless others. It makes me wonder where they would be without Hello Kitty and Garfield. So, here's to the ones that came before! :3

    • RTX?

      5 years ago

      HawthornSword

      I am still debating whether or not I should go, because I'll be going by myself. What u think?

    • Lopez Headcanon

      5 years ago

      HawthornSword

      So I have this little idea in my head that won't go away.
      What if Sarge "fixed" Lopez's speech unit so he spoke English? I definitely think Lopez would still have an accent, but what I cracked myself up over the other day was the idea that Lopez ended up sounding like a girl with a super sultry voice. Let's say maybe...Salma Hayek. That would really throw the guys for a loop.

    • Opinions, Filters, and Substance in Conversation. (long journal is long)

      5 years ago

      HawthornSword

      So, historically I've been really shy, but I'm also very opinionated. If you are talking about an issue I find important, I might just overcome that shyness and speak my mind. And this is easier to do on the internet, (especially for shy people who have trouble deciding what to say, if its the right thing, the right moment) because since you can type things out before actually saying them, theoretically, you never have the problem of "think before you speak." Because, of course you thought it out. You typed it first. Right?
      The thing is, I don't sugarcoat things, so sometimes I come across as a jerk when I'm honestly not meaning to. And sometimes I really am a jerk because it pisses me off when someone does or says something idiotic and acts like the whole world should understand, 'Yes I am idiot, and I am right in my idiocy! Internet hear me roar!'
      In those moments, I sometimes lose my "filter". I don't think before I hit "submit", because it seems just a thought, not a conversation I'm having with a person. And then I might say something that I'll be stressing out over for the next few days because I hate conflict, and I'm terrified that I've started some. Especially since the little nuances of language - the tone of your voice, body language, sarcasm, are easily lost in the off hand typed comment. Did they understand how I meant that? What if they think I'm a crazy bitch now? What if I misunderstood what they said, and my comment now just seems like gibberish? Seriously, it's important. I have accidentally lost friends over this because of the nuances of language and the lack of a filter on my thoughts.
      The internet has the interesting property of generally allowing people to say whatever they want without any real consequences, but I punish myself for my own responses to things i read, even when I don't post my responses. I'll type out a response to something, retype it 3 times trying to make it sound better, and then delete it after ten minutes of second guessing 'should i say anything?' and try to forget the post that caught my attention.
      But I don't, and then I stress myself out and recede back into my shell - back into my fortress of solitude with just me, my cat, some angry music and fanfiction. But its lonely there. I like people. They're interesting. And I just want to speak my mind without anyone getting upset. I like thinking, and I like helping. I like people to be happy, and most of the time when I say something they don't want to hear its meant to be friendly advice. Either that or its just an idea, meant to be thought provoking, but not argument provoking. I'm not trying to prove a point. I'm just saying. Many times I'll say something and they won't even respond negatively, but I'm left wondering if they just don't want to argue, but they think I'm mean or crazy.
      The problem I have is that most people don't think very hard about stuff, so when they have an opinion about something they've heard, it is usually an irrelevant one. That opinion is either formed with incomplete information or It is based purely on emotion, not logic, and if they actually tried or thought or cared about anything other than themselves they would see that. An emotion based opinion or reaction isn't a bad thing, but emotional opinions are best kept personal, and not argued like fact. That is my problem with the internet - people argue opinion like fact. Just because you have reasons to like or dislike something, doesn't mean they are relevant to anyone but you. That is why internet arguments start - people act like their own opinion is gospel, or just spout random nonsense that doesn't matter at all. It's just fluff. It upsets me that I would really like conversations, all conversations, to have real substance, but most people just want fluff.
      So the point is, I find myself in a constant battle between speaking my mind and analyzing my own self and thoughts to the point of tears, because I know I can be a jerk sometimes but I don't want to - I don't want to be "that guy" on the internet and I'm afraid if I let myself out of my box of shyness to interact with people...it will go badly.

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