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    • The Package, Part 4

      7 years ago


      Part 1 here

      The shot rang out, but Andrew had tossed himself the left at the last second, putting Harmon in between himself and Jonathan. Andy immediately thrust his hand into his right jacket pocket, pulling out his pistol and unloading two rounds into Harmon before Harmon had a chance to put Andy in his sights. Harmon dropped to the ground, bleeding from the two holes in his chest, but before he dropped, Andy had already gotten up and continued running left. Jonathan and his two remaining stooges aimed their weapons at Andy. Andy ducked, dodged, and zigzagged his way towards the dock. Adrenaline pumped through his body, as he headed towards the dock. The cement wall that separated it from the rest of the boardwalk would provide good cover and allow him to return fire. He kept running, shots hitting the ground around him and the cement wall he was running towards. Splinters of wood sprayed when the bullets collided with the dock as Andy jumped over the short cement wall. The bullets continued to hit as he crouched under it, keeping his head down.

      "Come out, Andy!" Jonathan said with a laugh, "It will only hurt a little, I promise!"
      Shots continued to impact on the other side of the cement wall that Andy was crouching under. He kept his shoulder pressed hard against the wall and started moving along the wall. He needed to surprise them, get them off guard in order to pick them off one by one. Andy could no longer here shots being fired, so he halted his progress along the wall.
      "Andrew, listen, just give us the briefcase and we'll put all of this behind us." Jonathan called out. Andrew had nearly forgotten about the briefcase that he held tightly in his hands. Andrew knew that if he gave up the suitcase, Jonathan would just kill him anyways, he'd rather go down fighting then just handing it over to him. Andrew put down the suitcase softly, and put his hand underneath the other hand that held the pistol. If he was going to take the chance, he wants a stable shot. He quickly raised his head and chest over the cement wall, arms extending over it, he saw Harmon's dead body about twenty feet away, and ten feet from there was Jonathan and the other two guards he had with him. He aimed for the one on the left and fired.

      The man to Jonathan's right fell to a bloody heap as the flash of gunshots on the cement wall vanished; he raised his pistol and fired towards where they were. He shot several times, breathing heavily as he lowered his pistol. His anger was building that he had to go through all the trouble for this. It was supposed to be an easy deal, kill and take all, and now it's proving more difficult.
      "Clever trick, Andrew," Jonathan bellowed "but it will take more than that!"
      A car door slammed to Jonathan's left, he turned to face Jennifer and pointed his gun at her. They stood there for a moment, and she continued to walk towards him. He lowered his gun.
      "I see you did your part for convincing him to bring you." He said, as he turned back towards the cement wall that Andrew was hiding behind. "Now, can you convince him to..." his sentenced trailed off as he faced back towards Jennifer who had a pistol pointing in his face. His eyes widened as she pulled the trigger.

      Jonathan's lifeless body fell backwards as Jennifer kept pointing the pistol at where his head had been seconds prior.
      "I don't work for you, Jonathan, not anymore." She said.
      Smoke slowly rose from the muzzle of the weapon. Jonathan's last body guard looked back when he heard the gunshot; he stared in disbelief as Jonathan landed on the ground with a heavy thud. He looked at Jennifer and turned, now aiming at her. She looked at him and turned her own pistol at him. Three shots rang out, Jennifer closed her eyes.

      Part 5

    • The Package, Part 3

      7 years ago


      Part 1 here

      The car pulled up, stopping ten yards from the front of Andy's car. The steam from the engine was visible from the headlights, making it look as if the car was breathing smoke. Andy bent down to pick up the briefcase. He clenched it tightly in his hand as he glared where he assumed the driver would be. For brief moments, nothing happened, just the sound of the engine in the mysterious car still humming. The wait seemed ominous to Andy, he did not trust anything, and the time he sat out in the open made things even more on edge. He looked at Jennifer, she was looking around with a slight concern on her face. Was she perhaps thinking the same thing he was? The thought was interrupted as the car door from the car opened, revealing a man wearing a pin-stripe suit and a fedora. His shoes were polished and his fedora was tipped lightly to the side. Not a moment later, the other doors in the cars opened, revealing three other men. Dressed similarly to the first man, the only exception was the fedora. He walked in front of the headlights, presenting himself as a silhouette, maintaining the illusion of mystery. He reached up and fixed his fedora before speaking.
      "Do you have it, Andrew?" His voice was harsh, but there was a snide grin that made the sentence even more ominous.
      "Let me see the payload first." Andrew came back sharply, he knew that he could not trust these guys, he knew who they worked for, how easily double-crossing came to him. He would not let his guard down for a second.

      The mysterious man chortled before giving his response.
      "Always on edge, weren't you, Andrew? Come on, can't you trust me that I have the supply?" His sarcasm was palpable, as if he were buying his time.
      "No offense, Jonathan, but I have too much riding on this to trust anybody." Andrew was getting sick of his game, biding the time.
      "Ah, but you trust her." Jonathan, smiling at his own comment, directed it at Jennifer. Jennifer looked stunned, but looked away at this comment.
      "Don't bring her into this John; now let's get this over with."
      "Alright, Andrew, let's get it over with, since you're so unpleased with our little visit." Jonathan said, keeping his sneer hidden by the headlights of the car. "Harmon, bring Andrew his package." The man standing on the far right of Jonathan stepped forward. A suitcase in hand, dangling on at his side as he walked in between the two men and the two cars.
      "This is it, Andrew, your big payoff. Now, give us the powder." Jonathan's hinting sneer was gone; his voice was cold and serious, tossing the polite etiquette out the window.

      This is it; Andy thought to himself, he took his first unsteady step towards the silhouetted Harmon, who was waiting for him in the middle of the two cars. He continued pace as he made another step, continuing slowly. His mind poured in all the things he can accomplish now, all the things he could do and all the things he could give to Jennifer that he had no hopes of before. He was nearly there, he saw the briefcase that Harmon held, its silver latches securing all the hopes and dreams Andy had. He stopped, and held the suitcase in both hands, Harmon did the same. Andy spun the numbers on the lock to 3-1-5 and the briefcase popped open, exposing to Harmon the four evenly sized bags of cocaine. Harmon did the same, opened the briefcase in front of Andrew, showing layers of stacked hundreds, $100,000 in total. Both nodded in silent agreement and snapped the briefcases shut. They both grabbed their own briefcase by the handles with their right hand. With their left hand, they simultaneously reached out for the other. Once they both had grabbed hold, they let go. The deal had been done, Andy smiled slightly and had a hard time resisting the temptation just to run back to the car and drive away. His debts finally repaid, and his dreams will finally start coming true. Andrew took a step backwards, but froze as Harmon pulled a gun and pointed it straight at his chest.

      "Did you really think we would let you get away with all that cash?" Jonathan sneered.
      "John, you have no idea how long I have been working for this." Andrew replied desperately. Jennifer's eyes widened as she finally grasped what had just happened.
      "I know, Andrew, but I'm only getting paid a fraction of the cost of what's in that briefcase, so, I'm going back on you, and I'm taking it all." Jonathan replied, pulling a gun out himself and pointing it at Andy. "So if you value your life, and your little girlfriend's, I suggest you just set that briefcase down, go back to your car and live your life. Your debt is repaid, just keep living on." Andy could not find the strength to move, he did not want to believe the situation, so he kept listening to Jonathan, it was the only thing he could do.

      "If you don't Andrew, you will lose a lot more than just the money." Jonathan said as he clicked the hammer back on his gun, his finger tensing slightly on the trigger.
      "Andy, just do it! Just give him the money, we'll live our lives out together!" Jennifer pleaded, her eyes filled with tears and worry.
      "No Jennifer, you deserve a life better than this! If I don't take this, we'll be back to where we started." Andrew replied.
      "But we wouldn't have Thomas kicking us around, demanding this and that, we're free now, Andy!" her tears flowing down her cheeks, her hair flowing softly down the side of her face and draping on her shoulder. "Please, just come back to me."
      "Listen to her Andrew, she's got the right idea" Jonathan said "now just put down the briefcase, turn around and put this all behind you."
      "I can't do that, John, you should know that by now." Andrew said, the worry he had fading into a collective calm.
      "Stubborn as ever, Andrew" Jonathan said, he smirked as he leveled his arm straight, aiming directly at Andy's head. "Goodbye, old friend." He finished as he pulled the trigger.

      Part 4

    • The Package, Part 2

      7 years ago


      Part 1 here

      "You'll never amount to anything if you keep this up, Andrew!" a woman shouted in darkness "You'll only take everyone down with you!"
      "Well, it looks like I'm going to have company then!" Andy shouted back. He heard the door slam and that brought him back to reality. He opened his eyes, the darkness faded into an empty dock. It was almost as dark as when his eyes were closed. A lonely street lamp was the only means of light, the bulb inside dimming as if struggling not to die, giving off an eerie illumination. Andy didn't know why his mind continued to go back to the last time he ever saw his mother. He heard a soft clicking sound, the sound of a lighter igniting. He turned to see the flame casting a soft orange glow across Jennifer's face, only for it to fade away leaving a dull ember burning about three inches from her lips. The cigarette burned fiery red as she inhaled.

      Andy looked at her stern face as she removed the cigarette from her mouth and softly blew out the smoke through pursed lips. Her long grey trench coat, half way buttoned, her blonde hair draped over her left shoulder. How he longed to go to her, sweep her off her feet and take her far away from this life, away from all these horrible things that they were involved in. Soon, he promised himself, with the delivery of what was to come; he was going to do just that.
      "Andy?" Jennifer's distinct tone broke the silence, she wasn't facing Andy, but Andy was looking at her over the hood of the car. "What did you have planned after we get this package?" she turned her face towards him, his eyes met hers, the beauty was there, the innocence. He could only smile.
      "You'll see, Jenny." He said. Andy had to break the stare first; he smiled into his chest as he looked at the ground. He never told her, and she constantly reminds him of that every chance she gets. It is his secret and it was going to stay that way until this deal is done.

      Andy had kept an eye on his watch, the pistol in his right jacket pocket made him feel a little off balance. The briefcase sat on the ground, next to his left foot. He could easily bend down and grab the handle if he needed to. He glanced at the watch again. 12:24. Six minutes and the people the deal had been arranged with should show up. Andy was ready. He took a deep inhale in, the ocean salt air, mixed with other fumes filled his lungs. He held it in and closed his eyes. Andy let images flood his mind. First was his first exchange, a short handed drug deal that scored him two-hundred dollars, second was the first time he met Jennifer, a back door bar where he had come early for a larger cocaine deal. He remembered how she sat on the bar stool, slowly drinking from her glass. He couldn't tell what type of drink it was, but it couldn't have been strong. She wore a leather jacket, one that fitted tightly on her shoulders. She wore dark blue jeans, also tightly fitting. He couldn't help but be attracted. He chose to sit two stools down from her, the smell of cigarettes and liquor filled his nostrils.

      Jennifer glanced over to him; his tousled brown hair still caused him problems, but to her, he had that gruff handsome look about him. She smiled as she took another drink of her Malibu, a mix of orange juice and coconut rum. It had a sweet, fruity flavor that she had come to love, and this bar was the only one that could ever make it right.
      "What's your name?" asked a baritone voice; she looked over at Andy, who was intently looking at her, with inquisition in his eyes. She knew it was him that asked the question.
      "Jennifer" she said "and yours?"
      "Well, Andrew, what brings you to such a lovely place?" She slightly smirked at her own sarcasm, Andy did as well. He enjoyed sarcasm and a quick wit.
      "The scenery mostly, I heard it was beautiful this time of year." Both he and Jennifer looked around at the hazy bar. Inside were broken stools, tables pot marked with cigarette burns, bowls of burnt peanuts, and a plethora of shady looking people. All the liquor bottles behind the bar were covered in a thick layer of dust. All together, it looked like a dirty, stingy, bar.
      "You should fire your travel agent." Replied Jennifer as she took another drink and setting the now empty glass on the bar. The ice cubes rattled once before settling at the bottom of the glass.

      The minutes they talked turned into hours. Before long, they were leaving the bar together. Andy forgot about the cocaine deal, and lead Jennifer to his apartment. Andy returned to his senses. It was that night that eventually led him to the debt he had accrued. When his employers got wind of Jennifer, they sucked her into it as well. He has almost paid it back; he just has to finish this deal and all his debt will be gone. He looked at his watch. 12:31 it read. He looked up just in time to see dim head lights coming in his direction. The air became a lot colder all of a sudden. He noticed Jennifer fold her arms to her chest, keeping herself warm. All Andy did was clench his fist tight. Finally, he thought, the conclusion to this awful life, and a beginning to something more wonderful.

      Part 3

    • The Package, Part 1

      7 years ago


      The night was hot. The lights of passing cars and street lamps blurred past as he sped down the street. He gripped the steering wheel tighter as he lowered his foot on the gas pedal. What got him in this situation? He unconsciously found himself looking in the rear view mirror. The dull lights of the car he had passed moments ago eased away in the distance. His gaze then moved to the figure lying on the back seat. A woman, sleek blonde hair, smooth curves, her hands tucked under her beautiful face. Her face, he caught himself staring at her attractiveness. The way she looked at the moment, peaceful and innocent, did not reflect her personality at all. She was strong, determined, and how she got into this situation -
      How I got her into this situation he corrected himself. He let his eyes glance one more time at her face before going back to the road. There were less oncoming headlights now, it told him he was almost to his destination.

      The docks, no one drives near here unless they take part in shady deals, deals like his. He didn't take chances when it came to these, but this was urgent. He looked at what was on the passenger seat. A leather briefcase, one with silver latches and a three number combination lock, the kind with the three separate dials counting from 1 to 9. He always hated that type of number combination lock, because with enough time and effort a person could break into one. However, this was a short term briefcase, meant only for one deal. Meant to be replaced by the package he had done this dirty work for, something he didn't even want. He owed some people, and that is the only reason he was there. But her, she didn't have to be here. He drug her along, he should have just declined her offer to join him. He had a feeling, and usually his intuitions are correct.

      He grabbed the pistol that was next to the brief case. Using his knees to keep the car driving straight, he checked the magazine, made sure it was loaded for the unexpected. He shoved the magazine back into the pistol and pulled back the charging mechanism, allowing a bullet to go into the chamber. He clicked it off safe.
      "Hey, Jennifer, wake up" he said gruffly, realizing that he hasn't said anything since they got in the car more than four hours ago. It smelt more like ten hours, the smell of sweat and cigarettes hung heavy in the confined space. He rolled down the window an inch on the driver and passenger sides, allowing for some clean air to circulate. Hah, "clean air" he thought, he doubted that the air out there was any cleaner than the air in the car. A place of pollution, drugs, and crime usually has a dirty aura to it.

      A soft sigh came from the backseat as Jennifer sat up, stretching her arms as she sat up straight. She rested them on the driver and passenger side seats as she leaned over the middle console.

      "We there yet, Andy?" she asked, all evidence that she was sleeping, or even tired, was gone out of her voice. He hated when she called him "Andy" but he had come to deal with it. He became quite self conscious since he woke her up. His breath smelt of the pack of cigarettes he had smoked that day, his clothes, a tattered leather coat, ripped at the hems of the left shoulder and tear above the right pocket. His jeans had stains from where he would rub his hands clean of any sticky food remnants. His brown hair, dirty and tousled, was the result of no shower, lack of sleep, and a long drive.

      "Nearly. You remember the plan right? Just a simple drop and pick, in and out. No problems, right?" He stopped looking at the narrowing road to look at her. Her face, no longer peaceful, but filled with an anticipation that could only be kept at bay at what this package would hold for her. What it held for both of them. Yet, there, in the midst of the eagerness, lye the beauty, the peaceful girl he saw sleeping, but in a blink of an eye, it vanished and he turned back towards the road.
      "One more block, on dock twelve." He said. Jennifer looked out of the window, barely able to make out a broken down building, she could just make out the writing on a piece of drift wood that read "Dock 10"

      "Jenny, you know you didn't have to come. I could have done this myself." Andy said, he talked with enough distinction, but a subtle amount of concern for her. Jennifer could pick up the worry in his voice.
      "Look, we're in this together." She said in a harsh tone. "Besides, you know what this will do for us, and that's why I came with you." Her voice fell soft by the time she finished. Her eyes said enough to Andy as he looked at them through the rear view mirror. Filled with intensity, a fire of desire that burned intensely for what this package will bring. Yet sadness, because he knew that this was their last package, they were done with this life. They were going to make a new life, and get out of this hell they have been living since before he could remember. He smiled.
      "Are you ready?" Andy said as he slowed the car to a stop.
      "I'm ready for anything."

      Part 2

    • Promoting and Thoughts

      7 years ago



      I'm taking a break from Skyrim at the moment to do two things. One is to promote a well-known Rooster Teeth community member's IndieGoGo, and another is just my personal thoughts about stuff, I guess.

      So first off, the IndieGoGo is exactly like Kickstart only in Canada. Many of you know DiMono, but many may not know that he has written a novel called Unseen and posted it here on Rooster Teeth. You can start reading it here. Anyway, he is trying to get his novel published, and as you may have guessed, it costs quite a bit of money. As an aspiring writer myself, I feel obligated to spread the word and to see his book become reality. His IndieGoGo is here.

      Now for personal thoughts and stuff. I have been down here at Full Sail for about a month now. I'm living in my own apartment across the street from campus and I'm being forced to take online classes. So, essentially, I don't leave my apartment.

      I guess I'm a little lonely, I guess I'm a little underwhelmed. I just feel like I could be doing so much more. I have all these dreams, yet I don't even try to make them reality. I guess that's why I am taking interest in DiMono's novel, he has and is taking steps to realize one of his dreams, and I look at myself and just say, "Why am I not doing that?" The answer is "I don't know."

      I have a lot of short stories under my belt, and a lot of story ideas in my head. I just haven't taken any steps to writing them out, or even trying to. I've had one story idea that has been in my brain-housing group for over 5 years now. Every time I tried to write it out, it didn't feel right. It never comes out how I want it. I tried to write it, didn't like it and it turned into a different short story. I'll post that here in the upcoming week. It's actually something I'm a little proud of, but it still isn't perfect. I'm not good at flushing out characters, and I suck even more at description. That's the whole reason I'm studying Creative Writing for Entertainment. So I can better myself, and expand my knowledge.

      I don't really see any marketability for myself as a writer, I never thought of myself that good, but this is something I want. It's something I love and enjoy. In fact, my dream job isn't even hiring writers. Yet, I'm going to school to be one. My logic is flawed.

      Well, Skyrim is calling me back. Time to slay some more dragons.


    • Great...

      7 years ago


      For those of you who don't know, I have a major problem. That problem is purchasing many video games that I end up never playing or never completing. I have dozens that fit both those descriptions. One of those games is Skyrim. It's not because I don't like it. It's because I love it, and I know it would suck all the free time I have.

      Tangent: I watched Game of Thrones on blu-ray. Excellent series. However, it made me want to play Skyrim. Guess where all my free time is now. I guess it's better to finish it before the DLC comes out, but still. I knew it would happen. I'm glad I'm finally really sitting down and playing it, but nonetheless. I am at Full Sail, and instead of homework, I'm staying up until 4:30 playing Skyrim.

      I suck at time management...

    • Done driving.

      7 years ago


      I made it to Orlando last night, and was WAY too tired to post something stating this awesome feat. Also, I knew I had something on my mind that was driving me crazy (pun intended.)

      So, today I went to Full Sail to finish some documents needed for admission. So I'm 100% done there. I then went looking for an apartment and found the BEST freakin' place that is right in my price range. So, I signed a lease and I move in on Monday. YAY! I'm living in an extended stay for the weekend, and I have to tell you a story about when I first got a room there.

      So, after getting all checked in, I head to my room. There was some pretty shifty people at doors of rooms next to me, so I was a little nervous, but that was nothing compared to what was about to transpire. I pushed those people out of my mind as I put the key in the slot and opened the door.

      The first thing that hit me was the smell. A horrid damp cigerette and moldy smell. It was disgusting. It was like breathing in an ashtray from a humid, muggy car. The next was the sight. Dirty clothes strewn here and there, bed was completely in shambles, and towels with pictures of Minnie Mouse and Mickey Mouse were draped over chairs with disturbing and very conspicuous brown stains on them.

      I immediately closed the door.

      5 seconds of looking in there was too much, I don't even want to know what other details I would have attained if I had stayed in longer. I returned to the front desk and requested a new room. They apologized, and set me up with a clean and friendly room. However, I will be haunted by that horrid room for the rest of my life.

      Warning: The next segment about to be discussed is going to be about driving and what really fucking pisses me off about other drivers. If you don't like naughty words or reading berating things about people. Leave.

      So, driving to Florida from Arizona is quite a long distance. During that time, I had to put up with a lot of shitty drivers, and I am going to list all the fucking ways you can piss me straight the fuck off.

      1. Turn Signals (Especially on the highway) Turn signals are pretty much one of the basic driving mechanics. How the fuck do you forget to use it? You don't. You choose not to. It's to convenience other drivers of what you are doing and that "Hey, I want to merge/turn." Innocent me driving down the road doesn't know that Merging-McDouchbag wants to get in my lane, so it makes me fucking slam on my brakes in order to let your stupid ass in. Fuck you.

      2. Drafting (otherwise known as Riding My Fucking Ass For-fucking-EVER!) Seriously, fuck you, dude. I hate it when people do this! It always happens when I can't move to the right. So I'm sitting in the left lane and this fucknut behind me decides to just slide his bumper right into my asshole. What pisses me off even more is when they do it in a 3 lane highway and I'm in the center lane. YOU HAVE TWO OTHER LANES, JUST FUCKING PASS ME! If I'm in the left lane and you're going faster than me, I will move over. Speaking of which...

      3. Going the Speed Limit in the Left Lane (Known as the fast lane) This is for two lane highways. Did you not go to a basic driver's course? Did you not know that left lane use is mostly faster vehicles, and that it is common courtesy to move over and be passed if you are the slower one in the left lane. On average, I go 5-6 miles over the speed limit, so meeting you is a punch in the face to me. Either speed the fuck up, or move the fuck over. It's that simple. You're the other main reason traffic can slow for no fucking good reason. Having to move to the right to pass the stupid fuck on left forces me to look to my left and just glare at the dumb asshole or bitch (equality, male and females get their own offensive name) to know the face of fucking dumbass.

      4. Not going the speed limit at all. Fuck you. There is no reason why you should be going 5 miles under on a motorway or highway. You're the douchefuck that pisses me off most (even more so when you're in the left lane!) You're the asshole or bitch that starts unneccessary traffic. "Oh, look at that car accident on the other side of the highway" or "I'm fucking ancient and I shouldn't be driving anyways, but I need to buy pills or some shit" You are a fucking nuisance. A stain on society that needs to be Oxyclean'd out.

      5. Parking. Weither it's over the line, crooked, or taking two spaces. I hate everything about you. Your life, your job, your family, your pets, your music selection, You are the fucking devil. You're worse than small cars in parking spaces that you can't see, and on par with shopping carts left in empty spaces. Is it so fucking hard to straighten your damn car out? Seriously, you should contemplate suicide, because I don't want to go to jail for murdering your fucking ass.

      There is probably way more ways to piss me off on the road, but those was will definetly do the goddamn trick.

      Also, if you're a friend, do not admit that you do any of these, I will think of you less as a person for it. Just keep it to yourself. Even if it was "Just and accident." Some accidents aren't forgivable.

      Anyway, Florida is nice, I start registration for Full Sail on Monday. I'm gonna go to a beach. Later!

      - Hazerblade

    • Time Shift

      7 years ago


      So, right now I am sitting in a hotel room a little ways out of Beaumont, Texas unable to sleep because the time zones are messing with my mind.

      As you may know, I'm driving to Florida to attend Full Sail University. I'm taking up Creative Writing for Entertainment with a side in Computer Animation. I'm definitely excited, as I will get there tomorrow, but my alarm is literally about to go off in two and a half hours and I haven't gotten any sleep. I could have just kept driving, and I'm kind of kicking myself for not doing so.

      I didn't go up to Austin for three good reasons.

      1: I don't like showing up somewhere unannounced and unwelcomed.
      2: I didn't want Kara to tell me to "fuck off" and then have me take the walk of shame.
      3: It was well after 4:00 pm when I even got to the turn off for Austin from the i10.

      So, I drove on into the oncoming dusk and made it to Beaumont, which is pretty much the most eastern part of Texas. I don't see too much ahead of me in the way of major towns. I know that I will be driving through/near New Orleans, and very, very briefly through Mississippi and Alabama before reaching Florida and then it's only a few more hours until Orlando/Winter Park.

      So, hopefully I can fall asleep for a few hours before driving off into the rising sun.

      - Hazerblade

      P.S. Also, if anyone lives around the Winter Park/Orlando area, we should hang out sometime. I'm going to be there for a few years.

    • College Bound

      7 years ago


      Tomorrow I leave for Florida for Full Sail.

      I'm going there a little early to look at a few apartments so I can settle in nicely. I still am nervous about if this is right for me, but after re-reading all my previous journal entries, I come off as really depressing, so I won't write about that again.

      (but I'm going to write a little bit of it. I realized that is a pretty major part of the entry, and without it, this would be extremely boring)

      What makes me nervous is that I like doing lots of things, so settling on one thing is crazy to me. I love learning new things that can further my knowledge or skill set. Plus, being a writer from what I hear isn't the easiest job hunting around.

      I would love to work at a video game company, or something involving video games. I love talking, I love stating my opinion. So maybe a video game magazine or something like that would work as well. I guess I'm thinking way too far ahead of myself. Problem is that I am adaptable to almost any situation (not really a problem.) I can live with any type of living/job that I'm given, I've stated that I settle, and I've stated I have little ambition, so I won't go into that again.

      What I can say with certainty is that no matter what choice or job that I do get. I will do my damndest for it. I'm not the one to half-ass my way through shit. I give it my all, if there is one thing I will ever take from the military, is that the team is only as strong as the weakest member. I'll be damned if my team is weak because of me or choices I make.

    • College and thoughts.

      7 years ago


      Well, it's that time of year for my update.

      A lot of things have happened. First things, I am officially out of the military. That happened last October, and I am now enrolled at Full Sail University in Florida, more on that in a little bit.

      I'm glad to be done with the military, there are many aspects of it that I really miss, and many that I'm glad to be severed from, but all in all, I am proud to have served this country.

      On to Full Sail. I will be driving to Florida in the coming week or so and starting on May 29th. Since I'll be cutting through Texas, I may try to make my way to the RT Studios, see if I can cause mischief, and by that, I mean pictures of me with the crew. That would be awesome, seeming that I won't be able to go to RTX. What with school and all. I'm actually making mousepads that I will be giving to them if I make it up there. Just a simple gift (read: Bribe) to show that I love them and want to hang out for a short while before heading back on the road.

      Anyway, I am to be studying Creative Writing for Entertainment. I always loved writing, and I know my grammar isn't great, and my spelling is attrociose horibel bad, but I really want to be a writer. I may do some graphic design stuff as well, but I don't know yet.

      That all being said, I am having my twinge of negativity. I've never been an ambitious person. I've always adapted to whatever I was given and made the best of it. Now I just feel, like this whole college thing is a waste of my time. That nothing will come of it. I look at myself and how I write and I see no talent, no shreds of marketability. I can't help but think "What's the use, I'm never going to get anywhere." This was exactly how I felt when I graduated highschool, and partly why I went into the military. I see my sister, who's very successful and has all this ambition to be successful, and I look at myself. Someone who just doesn't care. Someone who would just settle. That's me, a settler. Sadly, this isn't Colonial America, and settlers aren't really in style.

      I know what I have to do, and I know that I will do it. I just, for the life of me, can't stop thinking that it's pointless for me. I look at what I have done so far with my life, and it's boring. When I was in the military, I stayed in my barracks watching movies and playing video games. I missed so much awesome shit, and I feel like I'll do the same in Florida, because I did the same here in Arizona, and I did the same in California.

      It's annoying, knowing that I need to change myself, but not doing it. Just, watching myself miss the fun shit. I lead a very lonely life, and I know the only person to blame is myself. I'm 23 and it feels like I'm having a mid-life crisis. The sad part is, I truly do feel like this is the half way point for me. Like, there is nothing after 40 for me. In truth, I'm sort of amazed I made it this far. I know this is just the ramblings of a naive young adult, but seriously. I've been half way across the globe, and what did I do there? Nothing that I couldn't have done here.

      To make matters even more depressing, I don't have friends. No offense to all of you, but I mean friends in the sense of going to their house, watching movies. Going out to a bar or some thing. The closest friend I have is half way across the country, and even then. I don't talk to him nearly as much as I should.

      I've learned that I am a huge hypocrite. I'm an extroverted introvert. I want to be with people, and when I am, I want to be alone. I'm happy to give people advice, but I seldom follow it myself. I would rather make others happy and suffer, then allow myself the chance of joy and have someone else suffer. I'm passive aggressive, but I'm argumentative. The list goes on and on. I have so many problems, I would be laying on a couch for a week trying to explain them all.

      But that is life, I suppose.

      - Hazerblade

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