We're going live with WTOTW! Come join us and hang! Bring booze!
2 years agoIlan
So, Since i've been reintroducing myself to the internet lately, I believe its time for me to return to my home cookin'.
The reason I burned out on streaming last year was because my outlook changed on it. It turned from being something I did for fun into something I was constantly stressing about because I was always searching for success. Well - Fuck all that.
This time around, I have new gadgets, new games, and most importantly, I'll have Co-hosts!
Allow me to introduce to you, "WTOTW" (The actual title will be revealed on our First Stream, but I'd love to hear some guesses to what this Acronym Means!)
Our First "Pilot" Stream is going to be THIS SATURDAY! TOMORROW! 6PM CST, 7PM EST, 4 PM PST on my old channel at www.twitch.tv/bluefire132
WTOTW is a collective of 5 of us ( and maybe some guests?!) who came to be extremely close through this website (well....the last iteration that is) And while we live states (and countries) apart, we can still find time after work to hang and play games.....and drink...a lot...... lots of drink....
What's different about this little project is that the focus is less on the actual game and more on getting people together to hang and have a good time. We all used to be very close and would always hang in a skype call or in each other's streams, which led to some great times, great inside jokes, and great overall shenanigans, with a few wacky Twists and Turns included.
(This is the last paragraph I swear...I really need to organize my thoughts to make this stuff digestible..)
This project came about this RTX when we sat around and reminisced about the crazy shit that happened when we all streamed, and since we all have split our separate ways since that time, we figured a good reunion was in order, not just for us but for everyone who was always with us watching and supporting as well!
In closing, I hope you can join us for this little project we're putting together in order to reminisce about the ridiculous fun we've had on this streaming platform!
Again - we're streaming from www.twitch.tv/bluefire132 Tomorrow - Saturday the 29th of July at 6cst/7EST/4PM PST - Until then!
2 years agoIlan
So, I'm sitting here at 3 AM waiting for videos to render/upload. Looked at the guardian page for info, found myself just staring at this, so may as well write something. Right?
First - Yes I'm guardianing again this year! Who will I see/High-Five/Hug?
So - I'm still getting back into internet-land and its weird but here's what happened this past year & a half in a nut-shell.
Got a job in sales at LA Fitness! Quit after working a week.
After being hired on the spot and finishing the oh-so-exciting training/orientation, I came in Monday ready to work to find an empty office. Asked someone what happened & that person informed me the Manager had been fired and a new one was coming in. (Red flag anyone?) Met the new manager (very nice motivated guy so the ensuing shenanigans is not his fault at all) His description of the job was different to what I had signed up for. (Required going out to malls/businesses and bothering people - definitely not my thing) Wound up getting paired with someone who was insane for a day - and that caused me to quit. How insane you ask? I think one of the conversations we had was something like "My ex-wife hired these guys to hack me, and they took the power of all of our area offline to mess with me"
Following day, went to a pizza shop for food, got hired on the spot and was told I'd be contacted during the week (I think it was a sunday) for training and hours and stuff. Two hours later- friend of mine hinted that an IT helpdesk position was opened at his place of work, promised good pay for a terrible (yet relaxed) job - I put my hat in the ring, why not.
Middle of the week - no call from pizza place, but interview and job offers came from the IT place, I accepted.
Saturday the following weekend - Lady from pizza shop called me threatening to fire me because I didn't show up from training - Decided to ignore the call since this other offer had gone through (and their pizza was ass)
Thursday the following week - started IT job and learned pizza shop went under. Weird.
What followed was a year of working a call-center job where things just kept getting worse and worse (the concept of getting blamed for shit that was someone else's fault really doesn't sit well with me) So, while working this job, I expanded on some opportunities in video editing and traveled for fighting games! Went to Atlanta for Final Round, Houston for Texas Showdown, Vegas for Evo, Dallas for Absolute Battle, even went to the PlayStation experience in Anaheim (My first time in CA) - While enjoying fighting game tournaments, I also worked as a camera man for these stream productions, worked as a PA/producer/editor/Photographer/Cameraman for a company called Cross Counter, and met some ridiculously amazing people who live near and far.
January - Acting class! Why not! I'm definitely very much hooked on "The Process" now, its a great artistic outlet since music is no longer a thing I do, and I have just finalized my first resume and will be getting headshots done in the near future! Woo!
Finally - March of this year comes around and my Boss at Cross Counter reaches out to me planting bugs about possibilities of working full-time as a video editor/community manager/social media person, and a possible opportunity to move to LA (Worthy note: Moving to California and living by a beach has been a dream of mine since I moved to the US)
After months of deliberation, consultations with friends/family. It was about a 50% pay-cut, had to pay for my own healthcare, and things were going to be a bit rocky for a while. But, I essentially had my freedom of managing my own schedule again (Which allows for me to start looking at acting gigs!), I have opportunities to travel to big gaming events (Almost wound up going to E3 this year, but am currently suffering from an injury) and most importantly, I am seeing this as my "Foot-in-the-door" for working as a video editor/community manager. So I'm trading a good paycheck for happiness.
Quite honestly - I almost didn't take the opportunity, but after following Jackie and Jenn's ridiculously brave life changes, I decided I had to do it. ( I don't know how to tag people anymore)
So, I currently work full time as a video editor/community manager (Go check out youtube.com/crosscountertv !!! The shows I specifically edit are The READS and The RECIPE), and am building up acting training/resume. Life is exciting, and looking back at a year & a half ago, where I was job-less, demoralized, depressed, and at a figurative Rock Bottom, I'd say this is a pretty big change. (Especially since staying up until 3 AM "Working" is an absolute blast and feels extremely rewarding. Who would've thought you could have a fulfilling job? I sure didn't) Its not perfect, but it feels like a step in the right direction, which I don't think I've ever genuinely felt before.
Other misc. stuff that's happened:
I'm now mostly vegan (Its weird and no its not an animal's right thing) I started noticing that after eating extremely sugary foods that my eyes would hurt. Just my eyes. After doing a bit of research, I found that that's actually one of the symptoms for Diabetes, so since I don't want to have ANYTHING to do with that BS, I went completely vegan, which has forced me to cut all sugar, simple carbs, and quite honestly, has made me feel much better about eating in general (Eating now leaves me energized instead of leaving me lethargic)
What ultimately forced me to actually make the jump (health stuff aside) was meeting someone by the name of Jackie Merritt. Jackie is currently the highest placing woman in the US for Ultra Marathons (we're talking about 100 mile marathons) and speaking to her about health, food, and lifestyle stuff really opened my eyes about how eating healthy is less of a chore when you're smart about it. She recommended me the book "The China Experiment" Which was an unbelievable eye-opening experience when it comes to how the food we eat impacts our health (That book is really hard to believe at times, but they really back everything up in a way that someone like me (Inept at science kind of) can understand and fact-check)
All that aside- I also wound up buying a spiffy brand new computer, a spiffy new webcam, a capture card, and an Elgato Stream-Deck. Now, what I'll actually be doing with these things? We'll see......
Anyways. If you've made it this far through this exercise in poor English and stream-of-consciousness Diarrhea, Thanks! Let me know if you'd like a High Five, Fist Bump, a Hug, or an excited wave at RTX
3 years agoIlan
Ok. This was pretty tough to actually decide to do, but its been a long time coming.
December 29th will be the last stream I will do. Maybe forever, but certainly for the immediate future.
The honest and blunt truth is this - my life has been falling apart. Slowly but surely, piece by piece, its been on a self-destructive path for the past 12 months or so, so things need to change.
Ultimately, I'm just not happy streaming anymore. IT has nothing to do with playing games, or interacting with people or anything, but pathetically enough, its about the numbers. No, not about how many people show up, not about how much time I stream, not anything in that regard, but its about the numbers that show up on my screen. I've tried not looking at them, pretending to not care, pretending they're different, but ultimately, its something that's been extremely detrimental to my health mentally, emotionally, and physically. And if I'm being completely honest, this probably should've happened way earlier than it has.
I'm sorry to those of you who enjoyed my streams, I'm sorry to those of you who contributed to it and supported me, I'm sorry to those of you to whom I made a promise and ultimately didn't keep. I'll find a way to return the favors soon.
In addition, I think I'll be leaving this site as well. Not that I was that active on it anymore, but In an effort to try and become a happier person, I need to completely close this chapter of my life and move on. I'll certainly be making an effort to attend RTX and other events, but I need to step away from the internet for good, and as hard as that is, in the long run I think its for the best.
So thank you all for being amazing people. I'm sorry I haven't been the best person the be involved with in this past year, and I'm sorry that I wasn't very good at reciprocating the warmth and care that you've all shown me, know that you've all made a significantly positive impact on my life and I'll be carrying that with me wherever I go.
I love you all, I'm sorry, and see you on the 29th.
3 years agoIlan
HI! Its been a while and I can stand to look at a laptop screen again, so I figured its time to write a bit to let you guys know what's been going down.
First off, surgery went ok. The Dr. said it was an almost perfect case where everything went as well as it could've gone, but one of the wires that was holding the nails that are now fusing bones in my foot actually broke, and it is somewhere inside my foot. So, bad news - there's wire in my foot that shouldn't be there, Good news- it potentially won't matter at all, it may be small enough to not cause any problems.
Continuing with this foot saga, I actually got the stitches out last week, and I'm about 3 weeks away from getting rid of this Half cast and getting into a boot (Which will allow me to walk again YAY!!!) Having to hobble around and not being able to do simple tasks is actually very mentally draining, so I'm just hoping these three weeks can go by fast. (But on a lighter note, the drugs are AWESOME)
Since i've been just stuck and immobile for so long, and after catching the Buff Buddies show that's been going on, I'm taking a bit of a dive. A good dive. I've always been super interested in MMA and martial arts but I've never taken part, so as soon as I'm in walking shape again (Should be around February) I'll be enlisting in an academy to begin learning MMA. I've found a super cool academy that's not too far from me and I'm planning on meeting with the instructor there in January so we can sit down and plan how all this is going to go.
Here's where it gets interesting - The mid-term goal is to compete. Yes, compete. I'm planning on diving head on into this whole thing and actually fight in an octagon or a ring or whatever it is that Amateur MMA fights in. It'll be stupidly tough, it'll be hard physically, mentally, emotionally and whatever else, but I think its about time I pursue this interest I've had for so long but never really looked towards. I'm planning on documenting some if not most of the progress and I already have some stretch goals in mind. Achieving them is definitely an uncertainty but I'm looking forward to busting my ass for something goal oriented for the first time in a long time. (Buff Buddies has kind of kicked this thought into existence, so thanks for that, Josh, Meg, & Zach!)
But for now, I'm still stuck with the whole not moving bit......sad....but its nice to have something on the horizon to look forward to.
Aside from that, I'm back to streaming every day again (www.twitch.tv/bluefire132), oddly enough Motion Sickness from games is a side effect from Anesthesia that no one really tells you about.... IT sucked but I'm able to play most games again, hooray!!!
Anyways that's about it for now, I can't wait to be able to walk in less than a month, and not be stuck in a bed again and I'm REALLY looking forward to meeting with the academy instructors to get some stuff planned out early next year.
What's been going on with you guys?
3 years agoIlan
HI! Its been a while. Still haven't done anything with that profile pic huh?
A few quick things to note.
I'm undergoing surgery Friday. Removing nerves, ligaments, bones and stuff from my foot and I've been slowly getting more and more nervous about it. I know I tend to be dramatic, morbid, nervous or whatever else, and irrationally so, but I can't help but think about the "What if" parts and the uncertainty of undergoing surgery, especially after what happened back in February, and other happenings that have been going on recently.
So, I figured this is better said now than never, and if nothing happens, I think its worth being said anyways.
You all have given me such incredibly interesting opportunities in the past few years. I couldn't be more grateful for where/how things went, and I know while things haven't necessarily been perfect, I don't think I'd change too many things about the last few years. I know I don't necessarily know how to show all of you appreciation, and I know lately I've made some promises that I haven't necessarily been able to fulfill - yet. While internally (and maybe even externally) I tend to be doubtful about a lot of things, I tend to think extremely negatively about a lot of things, and while I try my best to hide it, I know sometimes it tends to not be very well hidden at all, but that doesn't mean I don't love and appreciate the things I think about, even though my mind tends to focus on mostly the negative. Am I rambling? Yeah I'm rambling, let's back it up a bit.
IF the inevitable happens or something goes wrong on Friday - I want you all to know I really appreciate the love that was shown to me and others around this community. I know I'm not necessarily the easiest person to put up with most of the time (And those of you who know me personally know what I mean by that) but I still feel warmly welcomed here, and in the internet that's a very rare thing to see. So thank every single one of you for welcoming me here, listening to the bullshit that flows from my brain, going along with some whacky ideas that obviously would not work (and making them work) and most of all thanks for making me feel like I'm a part of something, albeit lately I haven't really been around much.
If nothing goes wrong on Friday, all of the above still apply. After realizing how fragile life really is time after time in the last few years, saying that can't hurt even if things will be alright.
Anyway, is this depressing yet? Stop it.
Thanks for everything, and see you all on Saturday!
4 years agoIlan
Sorry for lack of posting - Life has been....... Yeah we'll leave it at that.
For the news! I Now have a Patreon for my stream stuff! I'd love it if you guys could check it out and give me some feedback!!! I'm super proud of the perks I came up with, and they make things quite interesting when used!
Here's The Link!
And lastly, I'll be doing my first live editing gig this coming weekend for a fighting game tournament in Plano TX Called Absolute Battle! It should be a lot of fun, and I'm super excited to be working with the guy who streams the event. Yay Editing.
Anyways, I'll go back to radio silence land (Unless you watch my streams....there's not much silence there) Until whenever I don't suck at life!