Isilian

Not Specified
from Mission Viejo, CA

  • Activity

    • Softball Baby!

      12 years ago

      Isilian

      That's right bitches, we won! It was a battle of epic proportions between unbeaten Tenaya and the just-barely-in-the-playoffs Cerro Vista, but we pulled it through, shitty ump and all. He was in my way and in my sight and when I asked him to move he didn't, he still didn't know how to call balls and strikes and he was inconsistant in his calling of said pitches, but we won all the same, by a final score of 16-12. I caught one amazing throw from my shortstop to nail a guy at home, who then ran into me, stepped on my foot and really pissed me off and I wish I would have argurd for him to be tossed, but the ump was a dumbass and wouldn't know an illegal play if it jumped up and bit him in the face. I also spent a fair ammount of time arguing with the other team, who were bitches, hoes, dumbasses and assholes all, especially their pitcher. Oh, and then I was arguing balls and strikes with the last batter for the opposition, which went something like this:

      Ump: Strike
      Her: (Pointing to a spot the ball didn't hit) The ball hit there
      Me: No it didn't
      Her: Yes it did
      Me: Shut up and bat
      Her: Fuck off

      God I love arguing with the other team. She then proceeded to hit a ball back to my pitcher, who tossed to first for the last out of the game. It was the most amazing feeling to win like that, against a team that I hate with all of my black little heart. I suppose it's time to pass out now, but I don't think I'll be able to sleep after such a great night.

      Jonelle
      --We are the Champions my friends

    • Ex-haus-ted

      12 years ago

      Isilian

      My God, I'm tired. I've been over more distance and talked/sang more in the last few days than I'd care to remember. Let's recap.

      Friday: I went to my classes in the morning, meaning I woke up at 5:30 am, came home and packed and had to do some other stuf before getting on a plane and flying from San Luis Obispo to San Francisco. From there I caught another flight to Seattle, arriving at just passed midnight and didn't get to sleep until 1:30 am.

      Saturday: Woke up at 8 (because my body is insane and won't let me sleep any later than that) and went to see Pirates. Admittedly, I was a little let down by it, but I was happy with the ammount of My Girl (the Piratey Boat Ride) that was in it. Then I went to my grandparents', had to spend some time with my annoying grandfather and talk about insane math and MatLab (the bane of my existance) before going to my aunt's and uncle's to pick up my mom with my dad, which of course ment I had to hang around and play with my cousins and blah blah blah with the uncle and aunt. From there it was time for a fast food dinner before going shopping for some new clothes and olive oil in Bellevue, then back home for some Halo 3 Beta action until 11, then computer stuff until midnight, and sleep at 12:30.

      Sunday: Again up at 8, then had to go and pick up a bunch of food for 'my' party, which was really more about a munch of people my mom knows coming over, but whatever. I then had to spend the day cleaning and setting up for the thing while my mother watched. So then it was the shindig at 5. All told there were about 40 people and I of course had to talk to all of them because I was the one returning home. Bleh. The highlight of the night was when a friend brought his Wii over, and we proceeded to play Wii Sports, which is highly addicting. I reccomend it. So the last people left around 10, but we still had to clean up, which took forever. Sleep time: 12:30.

      Monday: Somehow managed to sleep in till 8:30, when I was woken by the smell of bacon. Yum. I had to get ready and pack all my stuff though because my mother and I had to drive up to Vancouver, BC to see The Police in concert. It was the best show I have ever seen. It... well, I'm not going to go into it now, but it was awesome. Sleep time: Midnight.

      Tuesday (today): A marathon travel day to be sure. I woke up at 7:30 so I could get ready to leave before 10, which ment I needed to shower, dress, pack, check out of the hotel, put stuff in the car and still have time for breakfast. From there, my mom and I drove back to Seattle and met my dad for lunch. From there I was taken to the airport, took a flight back to San Francisco, just barely made it to my conneting flight to San Luis Obispo, where my roommate met me and picked me up and brought me home. All told, in the last 24 hours I've been to 4 cities (Vancouver, Seattle, San Francisco and San Luis Obispo) in 2 countries (US and Canada) and been transported in 5 different vehicles (2 planes, 2 cars and a tram). I'm tired. I think it's time to sleep.

      Jonelle
      --Ni!

    • Update Time!

      12 years ago

      Isilian

      Alright, it's been a while since I've had time to update, and this will be quick, but whatever. For those of you that don't know, I'm in crazy classes, things like Calculus 4, Bioengineering Fundamentals, Electricity and Magnetism and Intro to Aircraft and Spacecraft Design. Joy. That explains the lack of updates.

      So, I got mice two weeks ago. Yup, the little guys that run around on wheels. They're rediculously cute too. Merry and Pippin are their names, and yes, I'm aware I'm a geek. I was feeling lonely, so now I've got my buddies.

      I hate living in this appartment sometimes. Apparently every dish that's left in the sink is mine (wrong!), every dish that is not cleaned well enough is mine (wrong!) and my popcorn popper that's about 15cm square takes up more space on the counter than a George Forman when left out for half a day. BLARGH!!! I'm so glad I can lock myself in my room and ignore everyone else.

      Ok, so that's it for now. I've got to go run and do some homework, then, write letters to people who deserve them. Yay! Take care!

      Jonelle
      --The coldest blood runs through my veins, you know my name.

    • That's What 'Friends' Are For....

      12 years ago

      Isilian

      Fuck, wang, bugger, shitting ass head and hole. Ugh, I've been dying to get that out. I've just gotten so good at bottling it all up most of the time, but a release is good every once in a while.

      Let's go over why, shall we. My last journal went up on all three of the sites that I used for connections: here, Myspace and Facebook. I ran my question thing on all three sites and got only the one question from here. So up went the Disappointed journal, and here is the response I got

      Poor Jaina....Is your brain not being probed enough? -pokes it with a stick- Does that help?


      Fuck! How the hell can someone who calls themself a friend joke so easily about something that I think I wrote very seriously. I mean, this isn't something I think is very funny. I wouldn't write about it if I thought it was a laughing matter. I don't do laughing matters very often. Of course, you all know that, now don't you. So, as you can imagine, this sure as hell didn't make me very happy. Actually, I've been downright furious about the whole thing.

      Well, my brain isn't really functioning right now and I have class early tomorrow. I'll probably rage more about this later. Take care!

      Jonelle
      --The odds will betray you and I will replace you.

    • Disappointed....

      12 years ago

      Isilian

      I must say I am very disappointed in you all right now. For those of you that don't bother to read other people's journals, bulletins, notes or whatever you want to call them, I have been asking you all to ask me what you want to know about me. I let said questioning go on for a week longer than I anticipated, but still with the promise that I would write another journal or bulletin or note or whatever answering all the questions I received. As I said, I'm quite disappointed in the lack of response. I have one question to answer. One question. Out of all of you, only one person bothered to ask something. As promised, I will answer that one question, but know that I'm not happy about having only one to answer.

      Where would you rather be then where you are if you had a choice?
      Frankly, I'm perfectly happy with where I am in life. I'm going to arguably the best school in the country, if not the world, for my field, I'm working at the Happiest Place on Earth. I could use more friends, but I don't really need them. I'm not sure I'm completely happy with the current crop. Actually, my entire life could use an upgrade in the relationship department, but, like I said, I can't really complain. If I had to choose somewhere else to be... I don't know. I'm so happy out on my own, I don't think I'd want to be living at home and with my parents, even though I usually get along with them. I'm just too independant I suppose. I wouldn't mind being somewhere overseas doing a Study Abroad though.

      So, as promised, there is my answer. Again, I'm not happy about having this one question, but I suppose I should be thankful for what I have, though I can't help but want more.

      Jonelle
      --I've got a jar of dirt, I've got a jar of dirt and guess what's inside it.

    • Question Me

      12 years ago

      Isilian

      Alright, now that we've made it through what may be a new yearly tradition of pre-Christmas Depression, let's move on to something I've been meaning to do for a while.

      From now until I start school again on January 8th, you all have the oppourtunity to ask me those things you've always wanted to know about me. Message me with up to three qustions, and at the end of the time I will compile the questions and answer them in a journal. You can ask anything and everything you'd like to know in those three questions.

      Jonelle
      --I am a question to the world, not an answer to be heard, or a moment that's held in your arms.

    • I Hate the World

      12 years ago

      Isilian

      Yep, I hate the whole world.

      It's been about four days since my last journal. 96 hours is a long time, or at least it can seem that way, and usually in that span I can get over the bad things that have been going through my head.

      Guess what? They're still there. I'm still all alone and I deffinately am still depressed because of it. I'll tell you why. For four days I have spoken to no one, except for the Great and Mighty Marcifus because she is my Skister and she needed my help. Now, I know that's a little hard to believe, that I could not speak to anyone, but believe me I can. Now sometimes when I get depressed and withdraw like this somebody will notice, but not this time. Not any of my Myspace friends, not any one on any of the various Messengers I use, hell, not even any one on here. No one noticed, no one cared. I didn't talk to any one and no one gave a damn.

      I suppose I should have expected it, but when people have said they care, maybe I believe them. I like to think that if something were to go wrong with me there would be someone to notice and at least ask me what was going on. But then again why should anyone give a damn about me. They all have other people in their lives that are more important than me. I mean, I'm just me, another stupid human. I'm not important. This world got along perfectly fine before me and it'll be fine long after I'm dead. Hell, everyone I know got along perfectly well before I came into their lives and now when I'm not there they don't seem to care.

      I've said it before: I love to much. I give so much of myself with the hope that someone, anyone really, will see and maybe give something back, but I suppose this is the wrong time for such actions. People these days are selfish. I know too may people who only think of what they want without appreciation or thought of others, like the time I called my friend on his birthday and he was more concerned about if there were any presents for him. Or like all of my aunts and uncles who apparently forgot that it was my birthday over a month ago. Or everyone who I didn't talk to over the last four days who I would normally talk to every day. I guess then, why should I be so giving of myself? Why should I not be selfish and disregard everyone else?

      That's not me, that's why. I'm cursed to care about other people without them ever noticing or caring. I should just stop, but I know I can't. As painful as it may be for me to care and love, I still have to do it, despite the fact that my friends don't care and that, despite the care and love, I'm still alone and likely always will be. It's either that or I stop caring at all and go back to being the girl with a heart of ice like I used to be and lose hope of having any sort of relationships ever again. Either way I risk and am nearly garunteed pain.

      I'm nearly to the point that I don't care anymore whether or not people notice me or care that I may be struggling though life. But it doesn't mean that it doesn't still rip me apart. Maybe another day will change things, but I doubt it. That's my life I suppose. It doesn't mean I have to like it.

      Jonelle
      --Desperate I will crawl, waiting for so long. No love, there is no love. Die for anyone, what have I become?

    • Fucking Christmas....

      12 years ago

      Isilian

      So, I lay down to sleep about an hour and a half ago, and I found that I couldn't do it. My brain was too full of... shit. I'd forgotten how this happens at the same time every year.

      I made a mistake of watching Love Actually earlier. I mean, it's a lovely movie, I actually like it, but for me at this point in my sad little universe it struck a chord, and a bad one at that. There's something that one of the characters says:

      Christmas is a time for people with someone they love in their lives.

      God, it's a wonderful line. But you know what it means to me? It means that Christmas is not a good time to be me. In fact, Christmas is absolutely horrible, and it's the loneliest time to be me. And you'd think that I'd have gotten used to being alone, but I don't think that I ever will. Humans weren't designed to be alone, and yet here I am, just a human, all alone. So I got to thinking about why.

      I had one of my coworkers, one of the closest things I've go tto being a true friend, say something to me when we were hanging out one day. He said to me, "God Jonelle, you're funny, intelligent and have more personality than most girls could ever hope to have. I'm amazed someone hasn't come along and swooped you up." Yeah, well, I think I've figured out why. We live in a world based on appearances and no matter how beautiful I may be inside, the fact of the matter is that in a world where people are judged on appearances I don't stand a chance. I mean, what hope does a former football player have when men's ideals are Paris Hilton, Angelina Jolie and anime girls.

      I know my problem. I've said it too many times. I love too much without anything in return. I mean, I used to have friends who loved me, but they don't seem to give a damn anymore. No one ever does. But getting back to it, I still have no one that loves me. Sure my parents and the rest of my family loves me, and I may have some friends that still love me, but that's not what I mean when I talk about... love. I'm sure that most people have someone out there that matches them perfectly, that would love them no matter what, but with every Christmas that comes by, every time I have to hear about how wonderful it will be for them to be with that 'special someone' a part of that hope slips away, and I doubt more and more that there will ever be someone that will love me as more than a sister and friend. Sure, I'm 19 years old, and still young, but when I don't even have friends, how the hell am I supposed to have hope that there will be love for me?

      Well, it's late and I think my thoughts are getting incoherant, and I should probably make some attempt at sleep tonight. I hope all of your holiday seasons will be better than mine.

      Jonelle
      --How can I be the only one without a smile on my face? Well now, I'm laughing out loud at just the thought of being alive, and I was wondering, could I just be you tonight?

    • My Crazy Little Head....

      12 years ago

      Isilian

      Well, as promised, I am going to psychoanalyze myself based on the lectures I’ve had in my Psychology class. Of course, I’m an engineer, so this will be a little odd, but whatever.

      So, the first applicable lecture we had was Love and Hate. I like to call this Why Jonelle Has No Love Life. Love and attraction start with one’s physical features, seeing as how you can’t tell if someone is smart, funny or whatever at first glance. Seeing as how I’m a woman, I’ll just be covering what it is that men look for in women. In a woman’s face, a man looks for big eyes, small nose, high cheekbones, full lips, a small chin, a large distance between the top of the eyes and the eyebrows and a large smile. This is a problem for me. My eyes are small, my nose is average sized for my face, I have no cheekbones, my lips aren’t that full on top of the fact that my mouth is small and I don’t smile all that much. The only thing I’ve got it, because my eyes are small, there’s a nice space between them and my eyebrows. Moving on down, men look for women who are thin thin thin, except in two places. I’m sure all you boys know what I’m talking about. Well, Jonelle is not thin and lacks the… assets that men like. Personality wise, I’m both masculine and feminine witch is great, but most people won’t get past the physical evaluation part to ever learn that. Hate… we didn’t talk much about, but I did learn that due to a form of hate called sexism I am likely to earn less than my male counterparts for the same work done.

      Moving on to Intelligence, I found that there are seven different intelligences: Language, Logic, Musical, Spatial, Bodily Kinesthetic, Interpersonal and Intrapersonal. Now of those seven, I’d say that I’m pretty damn good at five of them, and around average on the other two. Not too bad, which means I’m fair intelligent, but you all knew that already. As far as IQ, while it is a nice idea, it’s not a broad enough measure of intelligence.

      Let’s keep moving. Next we talked about Emotion. I, unfortunately, am slightly towards the negative end of the spectrum in the emotions I feel, but I feel them deeply, which means I have better relationships. However, I am not as expressive as I need to be, meaning my relationships and mental and physical health are worse than they could be.

      I learned I was a psychological anomaly when we talked about getting bored. In general, when you reward someone for doing something they like they do whatever that is less. Well, the more you reward me for doing what I like to do, the more likely it is that I’ll do it some more. I love being an anomaly.

      Moving along, we talked about Eating Disorders (*blech*). However, I learned that I am not susceptible to developing an eating disorder because, despite the fact I live in one of the most competitive societies for physical attractiveness, I don’t give a damn about the ‘ideal’ image that men have of women. Not surprising to those of you who know me well. I love ditching the ideals. The ideals suck. Also, I don’t really have a mood disorder, maybe mild depression, but it’s a seasonal thing that most everyone who lived or lives in Washington has.

      Speaking of screwing the norms, let’s talk about Gender. Men are slightly better at mental rotation, spatial perception, assertiveness, body esteem and direct aggression while women are better at spelling, language, speech production and indirect aggression. Like I said before I’m definitely in touch with both genders within my personality, seeing as how I’ve got wonderful spatial perception and am very assertive all while being able to produce speech and have an excellent command of language. Of course I’m equally able to be aggressive both directly and indirectly. Continuing with that same idea, I have the positives and negatives of the female role, along with the male. Starting with the female traits, I’ve definitely been able to choose a career more freely than others, but I will have to deal with a gender pay gap and I can be so other-centered that people can and often will take advantage of me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. As far as the male side of things, I am assertive and confident, but I’ve been so ingrained with emotional toughness that I have less of a social support than I should.

      Moving on to personality, we covered Freudian personality briefly before moving on to more recent theories. As far as Freud, I am a very Ego driven person, which is not surprising, seeing as how my main character is the Ego of the Empire (if you have no idea what I’m talking about, don’t worry. I’m just rambling a little). At the same time though, I have an Id and Super Ego that are both very powerful, but the Ego knows how to rein them in and use that to the advantage of the whole person. With the later theories, we focused mainly on Carl Rogers and his ideas of Actualizing Tendency, the Organism Valuing Process, the Need for Positive Regard and the Phenomenological (or Perceived) Self. The good thing is my Actualizing Tendency is very strong and doesn’t follow the gender roles we talked about earlier so I’m not really afraid of being me. My OVP, which is what tells you if you’re doing the right thing for you, is very happy right now. I’m apparently doing exactly what I should be doing for me and my personality type. Oddly enough I’m an INTJ (as shown by the Myers-Brigs personality test) and the number one things that INTJs are supposed be are scientists or engineers. Yay for me knowing exactly what I want to do with my life. The Need for Positive Regard is a little odd for me. I’m one of those people who really couldn’t give a damn about what other people think about me, so my need for regard is very low. Now the last part is a little odd. The Perceived Self versus the Actual Self is the big thing here, but it’s very hard to judge in oneself. But I do know that the longer I live the more and more my Perceived Self will become the Actual Self. We’ll just have to see.

  • About Me

  • Comments (11)

    • Dragostea

      12 years ago

      Hey would you wanna sponsor me for....80-100 mods?

    • Robot3

      12 years ago

      PUMAS!

      Drew

    • Robot3

      12 years ago

      Fierfek! Today is gonna be a long ass day! Save me Jonelle!

    • Robot3

      12 years ago

      Blargh! Work blows! I've been reading shakespear all day! Wooh!

      Drew

    • Robot3

      12 years ago

      YAY you! WOOH! Calling you tonight to harass you about your day and all that sweet Jazz midnight my time! Rock on!

      Drew

    • Robot3

      12 years ago

      Heylo! I've been at work for like....2 hours already....and I have another 11 hours. *Cry* I wanna sleep and I'm soooo hungry! Blargh Blargh Honk! YAY! Love you Jonelle! Hope you have a good day!

      Drew

    • Robot3

      12 years ago

      You Rock Jonelle! You're amazing! YAY!

    • S0u1R34p3r

      13 years ago

      y does ur thing say f-ck bungie, yet u have a guy in SPARTAN armor in everyone of ur pics

    • bob902004

      13 years ago

      why fuck Bungie? They are one of the best game companies in the world!

    • CraigtheCat

      13 years ago

      Fuck Bungie...
      Because of a crappy ending to Halo 2, or not doing anything about Modders/standbyers?

      Or Both?!
      BOTH!

    • Robot3

      13 years ago

      You know you aren't normal. You're Awesome!

  • Questions

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