Jalnor

35 years old
Not Specified
from where William Wallace lived (Scotland)

  • Activity

    • A fun game

      10 years ago

      Jalnor

      Who remembers the Mafia Game? That ever-growing group of players are starting two more games right now - one in the thread and another in the group.
      The thread round is being moderated by DarkWizzard, who says his round will be on a futuristic theme, possibly with a Psycho and a couple of other special players. Signups for the thread round close tomorrow evening when he hands out roles.
      The group round is in early signup, with the expectation that it will start a week behind the thread game. The only current moderator candidate is Biolith, who says he will do a post-zombie-apocalypse themed round, with a Psycho and appearances by Sean Connery. Other candidates and players are especially welcome here, as it has far fewer players than the thread game.

      Anyway, recently, I've been busy with various projects... mainly the Vodka Vat, which I'm sure you'll remember is our own version of the original text-form Drunk Tank, now on its 12th week (article 11 is up). I've also started work on some cartoon projects connected to that, with the high-ranking Comrade f3licks. We're not sure when you'll see the first one, but it could be pretty soon. Thanks to a brief tutorial Fritz did about 8 months ago, the 3D rendered scenes should fit quite well with the line art characters f3licks is drawing.

    • I have just seen

      10 years ago

      Jalnor

      LFTO's second USSRvB comic.
      It's hilarious. Check it here.
      Features Zodiac, me, Jaxom and firewolfnin. And I love the stargate in the background lol.png

    • The answering machine

      10 years ago

      Jalnor

      Lovingly stolen from Sekai's journal... This is the message that the Maroochydore High School, Queensland, staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.

      This is the actual answering machine message for the school.

      This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.

      The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

      The outgoing message:

      Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

      To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

      To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

      To complain about what we do - Press 3

      To swear at staff members - Press 4

      To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

      If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

      If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

      To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

      To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

      To complain about school lunches - Press 0

      If you realise this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

      If you want this in another language, move to a country that speaks it.


      There's a lot of sentiment with which I agree there lol.png

    • RvB Quote ring tone scheme

      10 years ago

      Jalnor

      I've been thinking about this for a while and I think it would be good to have a set of RvB lines to play as ring tones and alarm tones on phones... perhaps some of you have some good suggestions. I'm going to set out some common tone groups and try to come up with quotes for them. If you can think of other possible lines or tone groups, I'll create a follow-up incorporating them and then do some polls on the best tones.

      SMS alert

      Church: You guys are some cold motherfuckers.
      Sheila: Firing main cannon (BANG)


      Generic ringtone

      Warthog music


      Mother calling

      Father calling

      Annoying call centre (There's always one that calls again and again and doesn't withhold their number)

      Sarge: Hey, Grif, hold these shotgun shells for me! *BANG* In your gut!
      Grif: Ah'ow, I can see my spine!


      Significant other calling

      Caboose: I'm not gonna get married.
      Church: Say what?
      Caboose: My Dad always said, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
      Sarge: Stop the pillow talk, you two.


      Best friend calling

      Boss calling

      Church: (Megaphone) This is the voice of God! (Wash smacks him) Argh, you're gonna break it!


      Wake up alarm

      Caboose: Yeah, I don't wanna go through the thing that I don't know what it is.
      Church: Oh, don't be such a baby! How bad could it (steps into man cannon) BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


      "Get going" alarm (Those of us who lose track of time in the mornings set an extra alarm to tell us we have 5 minutes to be out)

      Caboose: Oh, no, fire! That's bad! Bad fire! Bad fire, go away!
      Stop burning! Nothing else burn!
      I mean it!
      Oh, God... now I am burning. That's much worse than other things burning!
      Why does it keep chasing me?!
      (Hiss) Ahh.


      Home time alarm

      Caboose: First comes nap time... and then food time... and then comes my favourite time of all. FOOD-NAP TIME!
      Sarge: Hey Simmons, watch this - I'm gonna shoot this one in the hoo-hoo!
    • Classic Jalnor

      10 years ago

      Jalnor

      Not a classic journal... this is all-new content. About ancient history.
      A funny thing occurred to me. By now, I imagine most of you know that I'm sort of an architect... I'd like to take you on a brief trip back in time now, to the year 1990.

      (Insert blurry screen and dissolve effect)

      Beecroft Lower School, Dunstable, Bedfordshire.
      Mrs. Clark showed us something really cool this afternoon. She came into the room with a rolled up bit of paper as tall as me, with the plans of the school on it. It was a drawing from above like if you take the roof off. It had all the walls wand windows on it and the doors were sitting open with little circles showing how they shut. And there was writing so that you know what every room is. She asked us to see if we could figure out what room was our classroom and everyone started pointing to bits of the drawing. I looked at it for a few seconds and recognised the shape, so I followed down the corridor to the right room. But I think Matthew and Terri were already pointing at it when I got my finger over there.
      Next, she took us on a little tour of the school and all the places that are out of bounds. She also told us why the places were out of bounds. Every now and then, she'd point to a room and ask us if we knew what it was. The writing made that easy on most of them and we were mostly getting the hang of how to look at it. But there was one room she asked us that it took us a minute to work out, even though we walk past it every day. It said WC in it and none of us knew what that meant, but we figured out it was actually the teachers' toilet. She asked us if we could figure out what WC actually stands for and none of us could. A couple of people made silly guesses like lavatory. I don't know where they got that one from.
      I was riveted the whole time, it was fascinating and I wondered if I'd ever make a drawing like that.

      (Insert blurry screen and dissolve effect)

      And look what I do for a living now.
      And it was a total chain of coincidences that led to it. If that ain't an argument for fate, I don't know what is.

    • Classic Journal Time

      10 years ago

      Jalnor

      I was going through some old journals there and I honestly couldn't choose one to put here. I couldn't narrow it down to ten. So might I suggest that you peruse my old journals some time? I mean, there are some stinkers that make me cringe, but there's also a lot of Win, like how I spent Halloween 2007...
      Anyway, we're now voting on this week's "lazy" Vodka Vat article - we're giving our brains a rest this week without chickening out, so you'll get something... different.

    • Achievability: End of an era

      10 years ago

      Jalnor

      Some of you might remember how I used to do my own system of Achievements (here) on RT... you might also have been wondering why you haven't seen any in ages. The truth is, I sort of got fed up of doing it, after more than a year.
      So I'm hereby officially retiring it.

      In total, there were 26 Achievements, worth 465 JalnorPoints.
      The top scorer was PsykerKaregg with 125J and 6 Achievements.
      The top Achiever was johnnyricoMC, with 85J and 8 Achievements.
      Only 20 of the Achievements were ever gotten by anyone. Though some of this was due to my laziness.

      (Images are missing below due to an edit glitch, I'll fix this tomorrow)

      The Achievements were:

      Make a post exactly on the hour by the RT clock


      Save a civilian from a Mafia hit while playing as the bodyguard in Waldo's Mafia game or whack a member of the Mafia while playing as the Punisher in Waldo or Data's Mafia game


      Post a link in a forum that leads nowhere


      While playing as a confirmed civilian, find an actual clue that leads to a successful investigation in Waldo or Data's Mafia Game


      Join the USSRvB avatar trend by displaying a correct Soviet flag as your avatar


      Make a post so indecipherable someone other than Jalnor has to ask what that is in English


      Say/do something that qualifies as epic fail


      Say/do something that qualifies as epic win


      Be responsible for someone sending a Flirt Divert e-mail (this was a feature that died the death a very long time ago)


      Uncover all the Mafia while playing as the cop in Waldo's Mafia game


      Use the word "origin" in context within a post


      Post something innocently in a public forum or journal, only to notice too late (or be informed) that it has a second, less innocent, definition


      Alert Jalnor to an Innuendo Bingo post


      Be the last of the civilians in Waldo's Mafia game


      Make a less-than-obvious pun

      Memorable Activist (never made) 50J
      Be the civilian with the most on-topic posts during a round of Waldo's Mafia game


      Show yourself to be worthy of the Grammar Borg by calling Jalnor's grammatical errors


      Be first to get lynched in a round of Waldo or Data's Mafia game


      Submit 3 identical posts with the same time stamp, directly consecutive to each other


      Audition for a Wraith part in Stargate New Flight, either for fun or to take the role


      Find yourself the cause of annoyance in a thread and yet manage to defuse the situation and recover popularity


      Innocently reference waffles without breaking the Waffle Rule


      State something so obvious it qualifies for "no shit, Sherlock."


      When a discussion thread has gone off-topic, say something off-topic that prompts topical responses. Or, make a post in a thread that is both visibly on-topic and also definitely off-topic


      Respond well to Data's "new guy" question


      If anyone badly wants to continue these (administrating the Achievements makes you ineligible to Achieve) then I might consider allowing you to take over... but it's quite the sizeable database to manage.

    • Get In The Vat!

      10 years ago

      Jalnor

      Edit: Auditions are closed.
      vatbanner1.png

      I don't know how many of you have seen this Soviet variant of the Drunk Tank that I thought up on the spur of the moment about 8 weeks ago, but it's caught on fairly well... there are more readers than one would expect for these things and it's gaining new viewers all the time.
      Anyway, we've been running auditions for one or more additional members of the Vat... so far, with some epic answers and some epic fails. We're going to shortlist candidates from the auditions as soon as the latest Vat goes live (about 9 or 10 hours away) and then run a final question for the shortlist - there will then be a public/private combo voting system (yet to be exactly determined) for determining who gets in.
      Basically, the more hilarious your answer, the more likely you are to get in. There's still time if you want to try! (Question 1 is in the first post, but there's a second question on about page 3)

      I'm also the cop in the latest round of the Mafia Game, even though I didn't sign up (thanks, Sock...), so I'll be about slightly less than expected. And I have to write an investigation tonight smiley7.gif Luckily, I know more or less what I'm writing, just gotta do it.

      Stay tuned for a long-awaited announcement about the Jalnor Achievements, probably just after the Vat article goes live.

    • 2010, bitches!

      10 years ago

      Jalnor

      So, as of the other day, I am now running AutoCAD Revit Architecture Suite 2010 at work. The license also allows me to have it installed at home, so guess what smiley0.gif
      Upgrading from AutoCAD Architecture 2008 and Revit 2009 was a bit of a big step (and there's a new drawing format this year, so I need to have an addendum in my e-mails to warn everyone to specify a version when they ask for a drawing) but I'm getting the hang of it... a couple of things I used to do in AutoCAD don't work any more and a lot of the interface has changed, but I got training on the 2009 version, so I have an idea of what's going on.
      I caught myself saying the strangest thing earlier. In AutoCAD, there's a command called Explode, which allows you to separate any combo object (blocks, dimensions, polylines etc.) into its constituent components. The icon was always a stick of dynamite in the early phase of detonation. Colourful and unmistakeable.
      I tended to use the word "detonate" as the verb for using that command.
      So, today, I decided to explode a couple of blocks and I'm looking about the toolbar. The icon is now a cube with the faces all moving away from each other. I'm sitting there going, "Where the fuck is the detonator?"
      I nearly LOLd in a busy open plan office.

      Anyway, some of you might remember my "list of outstanding tasks" from a while back. I stopped maintaining (and even looking at) that on account of it was depressing me, but I think I should bring it back. Any recommendations on format? (The previous one was a Google Document, but I'm now debating between a Google Spreadsheet or some sort of task app)

    • Get your head round this

      10 years ago

      Jalnor

      vatbanner1.png
      Before I begin, who remembers the Vodka Vat? If you haven't seen it, you need to head over to the USSRvB group for a laugh.
      Anyway, we're looking to recruit one or two new nutcases to diversify our group of ten regulars and we're holding auditions here. Go have a try - the more insane your answer, the better.

      Anyway, a funny thing... for the third day in a row, the various secretaries here are complaining about the temperature in the office. They do that quite a lot, actually, most of the women agree on the temperature here.
      Now, at this point, I'd like you to remember that I'm in Scotland - at the temperature where New York would be evacuated, we're having the last barbecue before it gets cold.
      I'm sitting here in my shirt and tie, with the suit jacket over my chair and a cold drink. The temperature is 21.5 degrees celsius, which I make to be 71 fahrenheit, for you Yanks (By reading the thermometer, not by calculating). The entire secretarial department is complaining about the cold.

  • Comments (2760)

    • Oxford

      12 years ago

      Yeah, it is kinda dumb, eh?

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      ah he is a bastard end of the day wasnt my film i just directed it

    • kylsie

      12 years ago

      Well, it's a class that studies feminist theory throughout history. It's an amazing class.

    • Megan327

      12 years ago

      The group that came up with the song is a Christian group, that's why.

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      yeah woody has the master looks like he hading to aussie land where they eat roo's spit roasted on an open fire singing James Brown I feel good lol

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      checky the zodiacy's journaly thingy why they helly imy puttingy ys in my sentencesy lol


      even i couldnt understand that

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      Lets fucking kick start the fucking revolution! our new speech from PAP mastermind Kehoe =P

    • kylsie

      12 years ago

      Didja want to explain that feminist thought comment? I'll give you about ten minutes.

    • Lux_Tannin

      12 years ago

      ya I'm a part of it and I know all the people....I've done some voices on it

    • monopoly_j

      12 years ago

      In reply to Jalnor, #8:

      How many mods did you get to be there?


      I would say nearly 1000+

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      check my profile out since your in my company do you want the company logo? check my profile for more details...

      ciao

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      PAIN is coming!

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      hmmm ok =) i need to get more script writers working on this we have three if your working with me and rydia wonder...

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      hey jalnor want to work on new script fuck theadvent for a while this is in our reach interested?

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      he hot at me so i said fuck you fat bastard amnd got nailed. between you and me he was in his 40s and his sexual experience happens to be his cat =)

    • Megan327

      12 years ago

      Whoops, fat finger syndrome strikes again!

    • fritzmonkey

      12 years ago

      lol. go ahead.

    • stressed_out

      12 years ago

      hey, punk. where you been?

      i've been busy as hell lately, but i'v tied to pop on from time to time. anyhow... miss you. smiley2.gif

      maybe i'll talk to you later?? hopefully?!?!

      smiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gif

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      We all get the same questions lol

    • Megan327

      12 years ago

      Yea, that's kind of stupid to put a space for reading.

    • Megan327

      12 years ago

      I'll comment on it! Didn't know when you'd get the rest of your jounal up before you wanted folks to comment on it.

    • Megan327

      12 years ago

      Got my calandar program to work.

    • Megan327

      12 years ago

      Glad to hear that things are getting back to normal.

    • VertigoX

      12 years ago

      Heh, here's what you do.... in that 2D cad expansion, just make another layer and add in that Jalnor was here, tools :) and viola instant credability

    • stressed_out

      12 years ago

      happy valentine's to you, too!!! smiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gif

    • VertigoX

      12 years ago

      Wow.. who ever thought that Wooden fences would go out of style... I'd just toss them on another layer and hide them. If anything, you should make your houses in the Art Deco style of all pastels :D that'll go ove well I'm sure, just say that you had a Caribbean moment and just had to go with it.

    • TNAI

      12 years ago

      OH Happy Valentines day love......**kiss's**

    • monopoly_j

      12 years ago

      Happy Valentine's Day to You!

      gears.jpg

    • dix

      12 years ago

      Happy Singles Awareness Day!

    • fritzmonkey

      12 years ago

      Yes. Happy day indead.

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      want your present? its in my trousers LMFAO

    • Megan327

      12 years ago

      Just wanted to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day.

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      i deeply love u so i thought this message was er suitable

      Untitled-1copy-1.jpg

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      I smell something..... its STELLA!

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      lol i have a line of abuse for you soon [wink] lol i just love that award i made for you mind you i might have been drunk then =S

    • Jalnor

      12 years ago

      Bah... ya know I've never touched that brand... at least, not specifically, I might've had it when I wasn't paying attention to brand names about 5 years ago.

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      right, since i havent found something recently to take the piss outta you i thought! hey! what about the classic?

      CaptZodiac457f2dc269745.jpg
      hehe

    • Tsunade

      12 years ago

      hahah really? Cool :D

    • Tsunade

      12 years ago

      Ahhhhh so I see, yeah we use cards a lot, we got better results from those than that awful package (sorry wasn't inudendoing yours were bad :( I hated that job I had, it was such a bad company. Hope yours is shaping up to be good :D Glad to see another 3D person on here :D

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      well im a graphic student so im going past heaven and hell =P it just makes graphic cartwork easir for me

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      holy fucky awesome! im getting a pro mac soon =)

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      anywhoo how is the advent?

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      thx dude my computer shouted fuck you im posting two arsehole

      lol like my new song?

    • Pevant

      12 years ago

      The lower levels are nothing like playing a real one, but the higher up ones are closer. I mean you only have 5 buttons, so it's still kinda not even close. I still love it though.

      Thanks for the offer on the V. But I don't think so. I might hand deliver the real stuff.

    • stressed_out

      12 years ago

      MORNING!!!! I'm off to class!! smiley2.gif My last class got cancled, so I only have two today! YAY!!!!!

      be back soon! smiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gifsmiley12.gif

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      dude my sayings are not normal if you see a squirell shoot it. if you see a mutant tree your fucked. if you see ash your in hell


      lol

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      sweet dude. get some rest. i need every marine out there at the moment. you take one for the team, im not having the cgi guy and co script writer fucking his life up for me.

      ty Guiness it works!

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      yeah i just need a script writer and im off! do you want to write script with me?

    • Megan327

      12 years ago

      You know what I mean, Jalnor.

    • CaptZodiac

      12 years ago

      check out my images for the newest update of the greatest series soon to come

      When he awakes We will know

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