Jason1111 Corporate Hippie!

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from Phoenix, AZ

  • Activity

    • 3 years ago

      Jason1111
    • Sportsball SeatGeek Proof

      3 years ago

      Jason1111

      http://roosterteeth.com/user/PorkChopExpess/image/...


      Kind of hoping you are still offering $25.00 in RT store credit for using Seat Geek!

      I used link to sign up and buy these tickets.


      Thank you BTW for the referral cheapest price for these seats I could find


    • 3 years ago

      Jason1111
    • Spin Class

      3 years ago

      Jason1111

      Why can the bicycle seats in spin class double as part of a proctolodists tool set?

    • Zumba Class Attempt #1.

      3 years ago

      Jason1111


      I was under the false impression Zumba was a martial art. This was corrected for me as I was escoreted out of the gym.

      I dont see what the problem was..... Ms. Gomez got back up just fine!


      Also, still naked men shaving thier faces in the gym bathroom today and I still avoid the sinks... Thinking of starting a charity "Towels for senior men".

    • 3 years ago

      Jason1111
    • Week 1 - Day 1 - Buff Buddies

      3 years ago

      Jason1111

      Why am I doing this?

      As the first week of this 16-week torture-fest began, I must say, I was terrified. No beer? No snack cakes or pastries? No candy or queso? Why am I doing this to myself? I asked. I am going to do this for a couple of good reasons.

      Reason #1: It really is about time

      I am 42 years old and have not stepped into the gym since high school. Throughout the years, I have been Mr. Reliable if you need me to help you move a couch or a large piece of furniture, as this serves the desired result and follows a simple equation. That equation looks like this; plan plus energy equals the desired end result. The thought of lifting 50 pounds 20 times bothers me because the act itself is the desired end result and I refuse to believe one participates in an activity just because that person is supposed to perform an action. It seems like wasted energy, as the equation is simply energy. In the past, that energy was of course well spent on many years of drunken debauchery and good times.

      I still have not come to terms with this illogical reasoning of going to the gym, but I will try. I am 6 foot 3 inches tall and weigh 215 pounds so I figure it’s about time to get over it. I like my weight so I have no real goals.

      Reason #2: Possible Zombie Outbreak

      Make no mistake, I am fully aware that if I had to run further than a football fields distance away from a hoard of zombies I am on the buffet table. And I am not in denial if, those same zombies, backed me into an ally with a single escape route being a fire escape that required me to do even just one pull up… I would be what is for dinner. I figure I would like a more desirable outcome in these scenarios.

      Food and thoughts Journal Day 1 Entry:

      Started the day with a Belvita breakfast bar and a cup of coffee with cream from the 7-11. Got strange looks from the counter girl, it is obvious she does not accept change. This thought is funny because that is what she gives all day long. I make a note of it and move on.

      Cut down smoking to 1 pack a day, using vape pen. I feel like a douchebag. Next thing you know I will own a striped tank top and have to buy myself some Raybans and grow a man bun... good grief! Good thing I read online that hard alcohol has way fewer calories than beer. I can still get my after work cocktail and smoke in before I hit the gym.

      Ate a pack of trail mix I bought from the office vending machine for a snack before the gym. It tastes like a bag of nuts with no flavor. It’s ok… I think of them as fancy bar nuts. I eat them with 2 double Tequilas with Soda and Lime, have a smoke and head to the gym to meet my workout buddy.

      Work Out Journal Day 1:

      Completed

      5 sets of 5 squats on free-weights at 80 lbs.

      4 sets of 10 bench presses at 80 lbs.

      5 sets of 5 pull ups

      My workout partner was mad that I was five minutes late. Tried to make me use something called a stair climber. It is basically a never ending series of revolving stairs. If monotony is your hell , like it is mine, then this is hell. I refused to participate in this act of climbing stairs without going up.

      Work out buddy asked me if I drank water. I explained that coffee, tequila, and soda are 95% water. I am not sure if he bought that line of crap, but it ended the conversation.

      Mental note if your workout buddy is gay or straight always take a moment to survey the gym landscape for possible distractors. I saw my gym buddy looking at hot guys instead of spotting me. I don’t blame him terribly, as I am sure I did the same with the females in the gym at some point. I wonder if he would have let me die while watching the guy with the washboard abs stretch at the stretching machine.

      The stretching machine is by far the lamest machine in the gym. I am not using it. I look like a lanky weirdo.

      I stop in taco bell order a taco salad with light dressing. Smoke and Drink when I get home eat my taco salad. Go to bed after one final nighcap.

      Day 1- 2 AM Journal Entry: Passing on the stretching machine may have been an error. I can’t move without pain today… this is terrible.

      Also of note: In the gym today I went into the locker room 3 times. Each time there was a different naked elderly man shaving his face and a noticably absent towel around the waist, with balls restimg comfortably on the sink. I am convinced that any man who touches the sinks in my gym has touched old man balls. I do not know yet if this is a coincidence or a big senior citizen male gym joke and when I retire I will get let in on the gag. I can't wait to find out.

    • 3 years ago

      Jason1111
    • 3 years ago

      Jason1111
    • 3 years ago

      Jason1111
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