Jersildj00

Male
from Your mother's uterus

  • Activity

    • Chuck norris jokes

      13 years ago

      Jersildj00

      If you like Chuck Norris and think he is awesome then these are some funny jokes for you lol.

      Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

      Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

      Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

      If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.


      Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

      Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

      Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

      Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

      Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

      Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.


      To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

      There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

      Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

      There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

      The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

      The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

      Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

      When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

      It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

      Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

      Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

      If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

      If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

      Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

      When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.

      Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

      Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.

      God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

      When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

      Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

      A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

      Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.

      Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

      Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

      If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

      Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

      When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

      Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

      Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

      If Superman and The Flash were to ra

    • Contest!

      13 years ago

      Jersildj00

      ok if you can tell me my middle name you will get 15 mods. no hints smiley0.gif

    • CRAZY by GNARLS BARKLEY

      13 years ago

      Jersildj00

      I remember when
      I remember
      I remember when I lost my mind
      There was something so pleasant about that place
      Even your emotions had an echo
      In so much space

      Mmm?

      And when you?re out there
      Without care
      Yeah, I was out of touch
      But it wasn?t because I didn?t know enough
      I just knew too much

      Mmm?

      Does that make me crazy
      Does that make me crazy
      Does that make me crazy
      Probably

      An I hope that you are having the time of your life
      But think twice
      That?s my only advice

      Mmm?

      Come on now
      Who do you
      Who do you
      Who do you
      Who do you think you are
      Ha ha ha
      Bless your soul
      You really think you?re in control

      Well
      I think you?re crazy
      I think you?re crazy
      I think you?re crazy
      Just like me

      My heros had the heart
      To build the life I want to live
      An all I remember
      Is thinking I wanna be like them

      Mmm?

      Ever since I was little
      Ever since I was little it looked like fun
      It was no coincidence I?ve come
      An I can die when I?m done

      But maybe I?m crazy
      But maybe you?re crazy
      Maybe we?re crazy
      Probably

      Aaah?ooooh?

    • best super hero?

      13 years ago

      Jersildj00

      Batman, because he has no superpowers and still kicks ass

    • I just realized...

      13 years ago

      Jersildj00

      that this is alot like myspace

    • watch me

      13 years ago

      Jersildj00

      cause i touch myself at night

    • Teabaggers United

      13 years ago

      Jersildj00

      Post if you want to join and i will have your avatar ready two weeks from today smiley0.gif

    • The teabaggers of Halo 2

      13 years ago

      Jersildj00

      Starting my own Army
      It's gonna be called The Teabaggers of Halo 2 smiley0.gif
      post for whoever wants to join and give me some avatar examples smiley0.gif

    • What?

      13 years ago

      Jersildj00

      Who wants to join the armys i am in? smiley10.gif

  • About Me

  • Comments (68)

    • ToWYoMama

      12 years ago

      I have revised the poll Click Here To Vote Tell everyone

    • ToWYoMama

      12 years ago

      Go to my Journal to vote on a poll and tell ur friends, ur vote counts

    • Tucker7

      12 years ago

      Hey!!! Its me Max just sending you an invite to my 150 mod CONTEST!!!!!!!!
      Detailes in my journal, HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE!!!!!!

      Tucker7/Max

    • Star357

      13 years ago

      I am writing my own series if you wan't come check out my journal and read the prlouge and chapter 1

    • blahblahblah

      13 years ago

      Hey, I'm cutting down on my friend's list and you're being removed. smiley2.gif If you still want to be my friend, watch me and comment and I'll send you a friend request.
      Hope there's no hard feelings. smiley1.gif

    • Tucker7

      13 years ago

      Hey its Max just sending u an invite to join my 20 mod contest.

      If ur interested check my journal!

      Hope to see yah there!!!!

    • halosavior

      13 years ago

      nice to meet you. Name's Joshua, director of Forgotten Battles.

    • sherminator

      13 years ago

      i tell you what bud. start talking to me a little bit and once i've gotten to know you a little, then i'll accept your friend request.

    • ChupaHunter

      13 years ago

      wanna join the idiot clan?

    • jamesbondage

      13 years ago

      google rockz what can I say

    • jamesbondage

      13 years ago

      wow your karma jumped lol

    • littlebit74

      13 years ago

      If you don't mind, could you add Caboose3400 to your friends list? If you do, please leave him a comment and tell him I referred you. He is giving mods to whomever gets him the most friends (he wants 2000) and the more mods I get, the more I give away! Thanks!

    • clone627

      13 years ago

      contest to any one who reads this

    • littlebit74

      13 years ago

      Just thought I would stop by and say "HI".

    • Jersildj00

      13 years ago

      You have escaped damnation and made it to Purgatory, a place where the dew of repentance washes off the stain of sin and girds the spirit with humility. Through contrition, confession, and satisfaction by works of righteousness, you must make your way up the mountain. As the sins are cleansed from your soul, you will be illuminated by the Sun of Divine Grace, and you will join other souls, smiling and happy, upon the summit of this mountain. Before long you will know the joys of Paradise as you ascend to the ethereal realm of Heaven.

    • jamesbondage

      13 years ago

      hey are u talking about my journal

    • SIMM0NS

      13 years ago

      already voted for a friend of a friend today, ill vote for u tomorrow

    • BamBamBradley twitch.tv/BamBamBradley

      13 years ago

      Hellz yah...pixar animation and stuff is way better the the fast and furious!

    • Mojo5468

      13 years ago

      Please vote for me here ill give you mod!

    • littlebit74

      13 years ago

      Want a few mods? Take a stab at the riddle in my journal.

    • NerfyGeko

      13 years ago

      MODATHLON!

      The Modathlon is like a tryathlon but with out the physical activity, we are all serveraly lacking.

      The winner gets 30 mods!

      R u intersted?
      Click here for MODATHLON!
      and view my journal for details!

    • nickelknight FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      13 years ago

      e93a1744a2.gif

    • Jersildj00

      13 years ago

      lapsesdog.gif

    • Cyn45

      13 years ago

      I know what you're thinkin... he's just trying to spam me into voting for him... and guess what!?! It's about, almost, sortof, kinda, in another reality, TRUE! but since your on my friends list it's not spaming! so... if you get some free time go to ChibiSakura's Journal and vote for me, and... It might just save a kitten...

    • nickelknight FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      13 years ago

      th_Picture002.jpg

    • TigerX

      13 years ago

      What style do you want?

    • bp13iggy FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      13 years ago

      fq7oq

    • _Fart_of_War

      13 years ago

      HALO 3 HAS BEEN ANNOUCNED!!!! SPREAD THE WORD!!!!
      go to bungie.net for more detailed info.

    • Bob_Long

      13 years ago

      i will for a mod, i will vote and then you can give me a mod, ok?

    • SIMM0NS

      13 years ago

      -voted!-

    • Huckel_Buck

      13 years ago

      ok there you go man

    • Rock_Steady

      13 years ago

      well there we have it one more vote for yah. i looked at the other participants and i know no one else but you.

    • KiloG85

      13 years ago

      Done smiley0.gif

    • trigunnerJin

      13 years ago

      contest has begun

    • KiloG85

      13 years ago

      haha, yeah...beautiful creatures. My favorite animal obviously.

    • peacealien

      13 years ago

      My 200th Friend... MODS FOR YOU!!!!

    • thehalo2god

      13 years ago

      The router was $150.

    • Jersildj00

      13 years ago

      98% of teenagers does or has tried pot. If you are one of the 2% that hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile

    • NerfyGeko

      13 years ago

      If you wont to vote for asscari because you are board of looking at porn you can to it here!

      smiley0.gifOr do i have to offer a free tour or something? smiley0.gif

      by the way who are the people waching me?.... I am so lonely. smiley2.gif

    • armoran

      13 years ago

      666 is the devils number

    • Griff26

      13 years ago

      funny_8.giffunny_55.giffunny_54.gif
      funny_43.giffunny_32.gif
      funny_21.gif

    • EternalFuzz

      13 years ago

      yes why???

    • EternalFuzz

      13 years ago

      yes they were very hot

    • Bigpyro

      13 years ago

      can you vote for me here rvb.roosterteeth.com/members/journal/entry.php?id=940173

    • jonshon

      13 years ago

      yepq

    • jonshon

      13 years ago

      im sry sir
      ill get on ur desk by lunch time!!

    • shiny

      13 years ago

      y what?
      u said u wanted to be in it. . . o.O

    • shiny

      13 years ago

      your in the contest, voting starts tomorrow

    • Bigpyro

      13 years ago

      Hell make me a cornel of Teabaggers united

  • Questions

    No questions have been answered yet